‘Life’ Articles at Everyday People, Page 3

No Words

Sunday night is when I sit down to pen my weekly blog. Usually, the words flow easily and I can put something together relatively quickly.

If you don’t know, I am an extremely positive person 90% of the time. It’s natural and genuine. Honestly, it feels a bit odd to type it out because I don’t mean this in either an arrogant or naive way. I believe in the good in life and in people.

Then, the mass shootings of El Paso, Texas and Dayton, Ohio happened this Saturday. Dayton is a mere 25 miles north of my home. These tragedies are always horrible and senseless. So, I am floored by this weekend and the mass loss of life. We often get moved by the horror until something else grabs our attention.

I know that there are millions of people who are continuing to move on and live life well. They may see the news online or through social media, and feel remorse or disbelief. And yet, life continues.

This week, instead of writing about the good in people (which I still firmly believe in), I’m taking a break to reach out to those close to me. I’m being intentional to tell them how much they mean to me, and the impact they make in my life and the lives of others. I can’t take the chance that I’d miss the opportunity to do this. I don’t want to take any day for granted.

For those of you kind enough to read my blog, please know that you matter. Every. Day.

Milestones

Each year the country celebrates another July 4th, and it becomes a year older. With all of the picnics, concerts, fireworks and days off from work, we tend to overlook this fact. Even though America is a mere 243 years old (young compared to many countries), it’s still another milestone.

In today’s fast paced world, we tend to see milestones come and go with little fanfare. In fact, unless the milestone directly affects us, we don’t pay it much attention at all. I understand that it isn’t feasible for you to acknowledge every possible milestone that occurs around you. However, do you slow down enough to see the ones that you can?

Recently, a spectacular milestone occurred that I’m sure you weren’t aware of. My cousin Mary turned 60 years old !! Now, that in itself isn’t much of an accomplishment. People age every day and hit significant birthdays ranging from 1 to 100. Her aging was just time passing as it always does.

What you don’t know is that my cousin, Mary, is an amazing human !! She and I have been very close since we were young children. She grew up on a family farm in the metropolis of Pemberville, Ohio while I grew up in a house trailer in the equally as massive Luckey, Ohio. (These are real places. You can Google them.) We worked on her family’s farm together over the years, but then my mother remarried when we became teenagers, and we moved to Ada, Ohio which was about an hour away. I saw Mary at family gatherings and holidays which was wonderful.

Time continued to pass and Mary graduated from college, got married and started a family. I also went to college and then happened to move back into the same town as her. Again, none of this is that unique. I’m sure you have similar extended family and/or friend stories that would mirror this.

Where the story takes an interesting twist happened 17 years ago. My cousin was diagnosed with cancer. It was not good news, and she came inches from passing away. It was simply a miracle that she made it through. Many people were praying for her and hoping for the best. She did get better and has been in remission since she was on the edge of leaving us.

THAT is why my cousin turning 60 is a true milestone !!

Since her remission, Mary has poured into the lives of others even more than she already did. She’s been fortunate to see all of her children do well and become great humans themselves. Mary is someone who still lights up a room with her smile, her heart and her infectious laugh.

As I’m typing this, I have two very good HR friends who have been recently given a diagnosis like my cousin. I’m praying and pulling for them and hope that they will get the care that they need so they can reach milestones as well. I know that there are many more circumstances that people are currently facing. They range from health challenges to difficulties at work. They may be in between jobs or have family struggles more than can be adequately captured.

I’m sharing this because I think it’s time we stopped to relish and enjoy the milestones of those folks who are in our lives. That may be true of direct family members or co-workers. Instead of rushing to the next like, share or post, what would life (and work) look like by taking time to listen and understand what is happening in the lives of those around us?

I know this may not be “natural” for you, but I think it’s worth your time. I genuinely feel that investing your time in the lives of others is the best use of your time. Every. Day. This is especially true if you’re an HR peer. HR has always been about humans and the lives they live. It’s not about the work they do !! Trust me. When you focus on the lives of others on purpose, they will be more engaged and productive than they ever have been.

This week start celebrating milestones !!

I know that this may be a change in focus for you, so I wanted to give you a tool to get you started. My good friend, Kevin Monroe, is starting a 10-Day Gratitude Challenge. I’ve signed up and would encourage you to do the same. Here is the link – https://kevindmonroe.com/the-gratitude-challenge/

The Box

Today is a very meaningful day for many families. Memorial Day is when we remember those who lost their lives in military service. My biological dad served in the Vietnam War. He was different than many people who were drafted. He voluntarily enlisted in the Army. It was his best option after high school.

My father was a Staff Sargent who went into combat with other men. My mom told me that he didn’t talk about warfare much and she never pressed him to do it. He would share about friends and fellow soldiers who laid down their lives with empathy and sadness. He loved his men, and from what I’ve learned, they had a great relationship with him as well.

My dad fought in the battle of Da Nang and was wounded. The day before the battle, Agent Orange was used to clear the foliage. His unit was the one that went in first to any conflict. After he was shot, he couldn’t be removed from the field of battle for 24 hours. So, he lied motionless with a massive wound to his neck and was exposed to the residue of the chemicals laid down earlier. Shortly after the battle, my dad developed cancer. He had non hodgkin’s lymphoma and he died a few short months later. That was 1968 and I was four years old.

Please understand that I’m not upset. I am very proud of my father and that he served his country. Do I wish I could have had him grow old with me and see what has happened over the past 50 years? Of course. However, I believe that life happens the way it was designed. I’m fortunate that he fell in love with my mom and that I was born. He helped give me life. That never goes away.

A few weeks ago I was home visiting my parents (my mom got remarried to my dad and he’s awesome !! They’ve been going on 42 years of marriage themselves.) They’re getting to the stage of life where they’re parsing out things to my brother and I to make sure that they stay in the family. My mom said, “I have a box of your dad’s things that I want you to have.” I wasn’t sure what that meant. She told me it was back in the den and I retrieved a fire proof box that was packed full. I was anxious to see what was inside, but waited until I returned home.

When I couldn’t wait any longer, I carefully opened the box. Inside was more information and memories of my father than I had ever known. There are military records, pictures, and patches from his military uniforms. I had some patches from him in the past that sit in a shadow box in my family room.

There was one other treasure in the box. There were hand written letters that my dad wrote to my mom when he was away from her. They were simple and full of love. It was like hearing his voice. They were conversational and poignant. Tears streamed down my face as I took in every word. Fifty years later I was sitting together in my house with my dad.

On Memorial Day, remember and be thankful. We are all able to enjoy the lives we have today because there are those who served and sacrificed. This box reminded me of the gift of my father’s life who is still touching others long after he has gone.

I hope that I can live my life in a way that honors who he was and what he did. Have a great Memorial Day !!

Doctor, Doctor !!

This past weekend my amazing daughter accomplished something 21 years in the making !! (if you start from Kindergarten) She earned her Doctorate of Occupational Therapy from the University of Indianapolis. To say that my wife and I are proud would be a gross understatement.

I know there are many families who are celebrating the graduations of their children from high schools and colleges all over the world. It’s a milestone that still gives me chills to see people reach any level of education. There are countless hours of studying, research papers, projects and presentations. Each one seems daunting at the time they’re due for both the student and their parents. So, I want to wish a hearty congratulations for everyone celebrating graduations this Spring and Summer. Make sure to enjoy them.

Now, back to my daughter Melanie . . .

There were 52 people in her class who earned their Doctorate this weekend, and they are all part of the inaugural doctoral class at UIndy. There were many proud parents, spouses, partners, children and extended family. It was wonderful because we don’t have enough times in our days where there is only positive energy. You didn’t hear one complaint. Instead, you could hear an audible sigh of relief from everyone involved.

We have been so fortunate over the academic portion of Melanie’s life. She has been at the top of her class ever since she began school. She never faltered and pressed herself to succeed. My wife and I expected both of our kids to perform, but left it to them to do the work and get the results they’ve earned. She continued excelling throughout high school, undergraduate and throughout her graduate studies. She ended up with a 3.93 GPA out of 4.00 in her doctoral program. (I know, slacker. She left .07 on the table !!)

More than any academic achievement, we’re proud of who our daughter is as a young woman. She is someone who has a strong faith and a heart for others. She has served people in many different arenas around the world including Ghana and many inner cities throughout the U.S. She attracts others like a magnet and is a close friend to many. You’ll find her to be selfless and yet self-aware and confident. She’s also fiercely funny and a joy to be around. My wife and I often heard from teachers, friends and their families how much they enjoy having Melanie around.

Remember how I said I was proud ??

We’re most impressed by what a great human Melanie has become. She is positive and does her best to bring life and light to all she encounters. You can’t ask much more than that from your children.

Now, like all of those other graduates, she steps out to take her next step. The difference this time is that she won’t be going to another school. She’ll soon be sitting for her boards and then will enter the workforce somewhere. I’m geeked that she’ll be in a field where she’s taking care of humans because that is what she was made to do.

There were many tears shed and they glistened on my face at every event I attended. It’s hard to believe that 24 plus years ago I held this beautiful little girl born on Christmas Day. And, from now on, I get to call her Dr.

I can assure you it will never get old !!

Bailey

There’s a very cool place that is a five minute drive from my house called Station Road Farm. Many towns have a place like this where you can buy flowers, produce, mulch, pumpkins, etc. It is a popular location because it’s a farm that seems to have been dropped in the middle of a suburb. This has been a favorite shopping option for my family for years. It gave me a chance to keep close to my roots because I grew up on or near a farm for most of my youth, and my kids got to have a quasi-farm experience.

I remember on my relative’s farms that there were always animals. There would be multiple dogs and cats that just seemed to come with the whole environment. So, when we visited Station Road Farm, I wasn’t surprised when I saw the same thing. When my kids were very young, we were making a visit to pick up tomatoes and corn when they were distracted by new kittens roaming around the property. The cashier was very observant and she looked down to my daughter and said, “The kittens are free to a good home. Would you like to take one?” My daughter got those big eyes that kids get when they want something, and she cooed, “Can we Dad?” We didn’t have any pets at home, and I couldn’t say no to those eyes. I said, “If you see one that comes up to you, I’ll think about it.”

As if divine providence was upon her, a small yellow kitten started wrapping itself around and around my daughter’s legs. She squealed and said, “Dad, look !!” We drove back home and picked up my wife and son and brought them back to see the kitten. They loved him too. That was the day Bailey came home with us. We weren’t prepared and had nothing needed to take care of a new pet. So, we made a trip to the store and bought everything we needed – and then some.

That was 14 years ago. He has been a wonderful part of our family who had some very unique qualities. Every night when the kids came home from school, or Debbie and I came home from work, he was at the door to greet us. Every. Night. He also loved playing fetch by chasing a small rainbow striped ball up and down our basement steps forever. Bailey was never a lap cat, but he was ever present. If we were in a room, he was there with us. He always knew where we were and he did his rounds to check on everyone to make sure things were good.

This weekend Bailey passed. We fondly shared stories of his life. There were visits to elementary school for Show & Tell with both kids. Then there was the time of how he survived a thunderstorm when he fell out through a screen on our second floor and stayed on a small strip of the roof soaked and mewing until we pulled him in. He begged at the table and was a fan of lunch meat and licking tuna cans clean. Everyone is biased about having the “best” pet ever, but I would say that Bailey was the best fit for our family. I don’t think there’s any better description that fits him. I’m so thankful he chose to wrap around my daughter’s legs.

I know that I normally write about how to make HR better, but we need to remember that our lives are so much more than our chosen occupation. We have so little actual time truly interacting with people even though we feel it consumes every waking moment of our time at work.

Instead of being overwhelmed by the encounters and interactions you have with people, I challenge you to cherish them instead. People pass in and out of our lives daily. Instead of letting them pass you by, be intentional and connect with them. Who knows, you may be the exact connection they needed at the exact time they needed it.

Value others. Celebrate their lives and the time you have with them. Never take it for granted and be thankful for the time you have.

Thanks Bailey for being a vital member of the Browne family !!

Jay.

This past week I lost a dear friend. His name is Jay.

His passing wasn’t expected. He was driving home after work when debris came through his windshield and killed him instantly. The news was as staggering as the way he passed. It doesn’t seem possible that a peer is gone. Life isn’t supposed to progress this way. We had hoped to grow old together and spend time with our families, children and (hopefully) grandchildren.

Fortunately, I was able to travel out of town to participate in his visitation and funeral service. That meant the world to me because Jay was one of my closest friends on the planet. I was one of the people asked to share at his service and it was the most challenging speech I’ve ever given. I’ve been fortunate to speak in front of thousands of people at a time, and that was easier than this.

When I was putting my remarks together, there were tears mixed with laughter. Jay was one of the smartest people I’ve every known – literally. He was a PhD scientist who did research to try to help cure cancer. He was a model husband and father who loved them with his life, his time and his focus. He only ever said kind and positive things about them. Jay and I could “nerd out” together while enjoying conversations ranging from the genius of Monty Python to the deep meaning of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy and movies.

Our families literally grew up together through the birth of our kids until now some 20+ years. We’ve laughed together, worshiped together, camped together and shared many other experiences. I saw Jay every week for the 13 years we lived in the same city. His job took him to Illinois and finally Wisconsin, but we never grew apart.

The greatest thing I can share about Jay is that he made an eternal impact on my life. Now that he’s gone, I feel that impact even more. Jay literally took in every aspect of life. He didn’t miss a thing. He was very observant and it was a joy to be with him on hikes out on a trail because you’d experience the fullness of nature instead of hurrying to get your number of steps in.

Jay also did this with the people in his life. He never missed a person and made sure to get to know you and interact with you. Ironically, he was a quiet, humble man who would meet you with ease versus bravado. He listened to your stories and laughed often !!

His life is a reminder and an example for me and for others. In today’s world everyone seems to be consumed with politics and taking sides or the misadventures of celebrities we will probably never meet in person. I would challenge you to get out of these constant distractions and look at the people you encounter every. day.

That is where we can leave a mark. You see, you leave an impact every time to you interact with others. You just need to choose if that will be a positive impact or a negative one. Either way, it will happen. I choose to be like Jay and pour into the lives of all the people who cross my path. Intentionally meeting them and seeing who they are and what their life is like. It matters.

One of the final experiences I had in person with Jay that left an impact on us both was seeing U2 live in Chicago at Soldier’s Field with two more best friends. We took in every note and sang every lyric. It was another lifelong memory as every one was with Jay. He loved U2 just as we all did, and still do.

I’ll leave you with one of their songs, Grace, which has a lyric which says “Grace finds goodness in everything.”

That was Jay. I loved my friend and miss him immensely. I know we’ll see each other again some day, and it will be just as wonderful as it has been for all these years.

#7Songs – Thank You

Have you ever taken a personality assessment? As an HR practitioner, I’ve taken a ton of them. I enjoy doing it and the outcome is the same every time. I’m a fierce extrovert !! I don’t even come close to the median of any extroversion scale. It’s honestly how I’ve been ever since I was very young. There are more challenges to being extroverted than you would think. One of those is finding someone who will deal with you and how you’re wired.

Meet my wife. She’s taken those same assessments and we are exactly the opposite. I wouldn’t call her a “fierce” introvert at all. I’d categorize her as a sound and grounded introvert which I find to be perfection. She caught my attention over a quarter of a century ago when she went way outside her comfort zone and asked me out !! Honestly, she took the first step to bring us together, and I’ve been thankful ever since.

Song #3 – Thank You by Led Zeppelin

I’ve always consider Led Zeppelin the quintessential rock band. There are few acts that I would classify as legendary, but Zeppelin qualifies. Many people are familiar with their hits, but few take in their whole catalog. One of the facets of the majority of my music collection is that I tend to own an artist’s entire catalog of albums. You run the risk of finding a few clunkers when you do this, but you also get to see the entire spectrum of their work.

My favorite song of theirs came from Led Zeppelin II – their second album. It’s a beautiful love song that you wouldn’t expect. It doesn’t reflect the massive, driving rock laced with incredible vocals, lead guitar and crushing drums that capture the essence of Led Zeppelin.

It’s my favorite because the lyrics of the song describe the love I have for my wife. She’s the one person on the planet who accepts me for who I am. That makes her the best partner I could have ever asked for. Now, mind you, I love her for who she is as well. We fill in the gaps in each other’s strengths and that makes for an incredible bond. When I was fortunate enough to have Debbie say “Yes” and agree to marry me, I asked her if we could have this song be our first dance.

She loved the song, but felt that Led Zeppelin may be a bit of a stretch for those that came to our wedding. I reluctantly succumbed, and we ended up using a love song from 1989 – the year we wed. The Zeppelin song has lasted just like our marriage, and it will last forever. Here’s why. Take a look at these lyrics and then click on the video and enjoy !!

“If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.
When the mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me.”

#7Songs – Not Bad at All !!

College is a time when you “grow up.” It was my first time away from home for any extended period of time and I was the only person from my town to attend Ohio University. I went there not knowing a single person. Now, you need to know that I graduated in a high school class of 73 people, and just joined a university that had 17,000 people attending at that time !! I suffered a major culture shock, but fell in love with everything the school had to offer.

My sophomore year, I became a Resident Assistant (an RA). I was practicing HR even back then but didn’t know it. As an RA, you get a single room which meant you had a room that normally held two students all to yourself. I saved up money and purchased a JC Penney MCS Stereo System !!

It “looked” cool, but it wasn’t. Several students in the dorm had massive stereo systems with components, equalizers, woofers, etc. They could shake the building when they were turned on. Almost every day you could hear the low hum of systems just waiting to blast out music.

I started my album collection in college and EVERY Friday I would come back from classes and a full week and pull out an EP to play this song . . .

#2 – Bad (Live) by U2 from Wide Awake in America

Almost everyone has a band that they can say defined their generation and U2 is that band for me. I know that they are a group that people either adore or don’t. There really isn’t a middle ground.

I saw this song performed on a HBO special in the dorm late one night from one of their concerts and I was transfixed. I had never seen someone sing so passionately. Bono was dripping in sweat and the crowd hung on every word he sang. The Edge played the guitar in a way I had never heard before and Larry Mullen Jr. and Adam Clayton provided the solid drums and bass to keep things incredibly tight.

After a full week it felt cleansing to pull this EP out of it’s sleeve and gently put the vinyl on my stereo. I played it so incredibly loud that I could hear nothing else. As the RA, I was supposed to keep things “in line”, but I wasn’t much of a rule follower even back then. I saw U2 as a group that was changing music and I saw myself in them because I too was changing and wanted to see things change even more.

I would absolutely love to meet the band someday (another bucket list item). I continue to love everything they do, and my interest in them only grew from the time I had this EP. After I served as the chair of the Ohio SHRM State Conference, the committee was gracious enough to get me a signed copy of their Joshua Tree album. I’d like to think that I’d thank them for providing that release every Friday.

In fact, I think I’ll go dust off that EP and slap it on my turntable once again . . .

#7Songs !!

Recently, my good friend Michael Carty published a blog series noting his seven favorite songs. He was inspired by two other great friends – Tim Scott and Tony Jackson who did similar posts. These three are just a few of many friends who are music lovers. I think it’s great because music is something that brings most people together. We may have some commonality, but the wonderful thing about music is the diversity of thought and taste.

A few years ago, a few of us even started the hashtag #HRMusicShare on Twitter. We use it to share what we’re listening to as well as music related links and/or videos. It’s a great outlet that reminds us that we all have many facets in our lives, and that we’re not about work and HR only !!

The idea of #7songs is to list your favorite songs over seven days. Now, I’m sure that the songs I list may not be your faves, and that’s fine. I think it’s fascinating to hear people’s opinions because we are so passionate about what we listen to. Please note that this isn’t a series about favorite groups or artists. I could never get down to seven and trying to even pick these seven was a challenge !!

So, here we go . . .

Song #1: Barcelona by Freddie Mercury and Montserrat Caballe

I don’t know about you, but music moves me emotionally. I have music playing every minute I’m at work and also during my commute. Every once in awhile I hear something that literally brings me to tears. This song does that. Every. Time.

I’m not kidding. It is an incredibly beautiful piece that I first heard during the Barelona Summer Olympics and I loved it. I forgot about it until I was playing the 3 CD (yes, I own CD’s and vinyl !!) set of Queen’s greatest hits. When it came on, I wept. Hearing Freddie Mercury sing reminded me of how amazing he was !!

Freddie Mercury was the iconic “front man” of rock and roll. He was artistic, charismatic and incredibly gifted. The first time I heard Bohemian Rhapsody from Queen I couldn’t believe what I was hearing !! No one sang like Mercury (and few have since).

If you were in a band, what would you do? I’d love to be the front man !! To stand in front of an audience and rally them with your music would rock. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be in front of thousands of screaming fans performing at Wembley Stadium. A great front man can get a crowd worked up, but they can also bring them to silence just by talking to them quietly.

I may never get a chance to be the front man for a rock band, but it’s a great bucket list dream !! I do get the opportunity to speak at HR events and I never take it lightly. It’s an awesome responsibility and gets me close to my bucket list.

This song captures the brilliance of Mercury and show the depth of his talent to be able to sing with an accomplished operatic soprano. He fits right in. When you listen to it, replay it and listen again. I’ll be joining you and be assured that the tears will well up !!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes !!

This past week the Browne household went through a massive change !! We dropped our son, and second child, off at college. He is now blazing his own path at my alma mater Ohio University. I am geeked that he’s a Bobcat now. In fact, he even chose to live in my old dorm and dorm room !! (Note: He did this all on his own without suggestions from his Dad who bleeds green and white.)

The move went very smoothly and was pretty emotionless . . .

When it was time to go, I thought he’d say Goodbye in his room and move on. He wanted to walk my wife and I out to the car, and then it hit. My 6’3″ gentle giant hugged my wife first and the tears started flowing. He then turned to me, and we hugged so hard I thought I’d burst. As we were both crying, I told him that I loved him. Our embrace ended and he headed towards James Hall and we started on our way back home misty eyed.

I’m excited to see what the future holds for my son. I’m sure he’ll have great adventures and grow as an adult just as his older sister did when she started her college path three years ago. Another change which occurred was that my wife and I became empty nesters. We hadn’t been alone in the house for the past 20 years !! This is exciting but also a bit unnerving. Our story is no different than every family. Transitions happen every day.

The thought that came to mind during this change was how this affected me at work. Why does this even matter to what I do? I think it’s everything. I think the family changes/transitions that occur in our lives are the REAL generational issue we face.

The recent trend about amplifying generational differences just makes me crazy !! Let me ask you this. When have there been generations in the workplace? And, secondarily, when has one generation ever thought that the generation that followed was odd, didn’t work as hard, or had poor habits? The answer to both is that these facts and feelings have always been a factor in the workplace !!

The area where we have missed in truly working with different generations is to help them through the life events we all face. Times such as the birth of a child or grandchild. Or, when there’s someone going off to kindergarten, elementary school, high school or college. Marriages, deaths, divorces, health issues, the care of elderly parents, the loss of a pet, etc. These events are where HR can, and should, make a difference with both their presence and their understanding.

We have tried to take all of this changes and force them into some form of leave system that’s tracked and accounted for. We try to keep a tight rein on these systems to make sure that people comply versus allowing them to fully experience these life events.

We should know our people for who they are and what’s going on in their lives. This shouldn’t be a hassle, or feel like it’s a waste of time. These personal connections are the most meaningful connections you could make !! Great HR happens when you have a personal knowledge of what’s going on in the lives of your employees. You can celebrate with them, empathize with them and care for them. This is something missing in our workplaces and is sorely needed.

It’s time to change how we see the life events of our people. Let’s walk alongside them and experience the ch-ch-ch-ch-changes that happen naturally !!