Tag: intentional

Simple is Hard

This past week, I was fortunate to return to the speaking circuit for the first time in 2024. Whenever I get to speak to a group of my HR peers, my bucket is instantly filled. I never take it for granted. As soon as the obligatory speaker introduction ends, I can hit the first slide, and time seems to disappear.

I can feel the energy of the room ramp up when I introduce a few of the concepts I wanted to cover during my time. You see, I believe in and have practiced a stripped-down version of HR throughout my career. When I began practicing several decades ago, it wasn’t even called Human Resources it was Personnel. What was interesting was the old name of the field was a more accurate description of how most of the work was done. It was impersonal distant and heavily process-driven.

People are probably reading this and screaming that little has changed. That may be true in pockets or in companies that don’t value HR. I hate to hear that. I can’t tell you how many times people have come up to me after presentations sharing that they are faced with roles that still value the Personnel approach. Interestingly enough, there is this constant push to rename and rebrand the profession yet again. Instead of focusing on doing good work with people, we’re worried about what we’re called as an industry. I really am not concerned with what HR is or isn’t called as long as we try something that works.

Great HR is best when it is simplified. When we strip back the layers of the muck that have been built in over the years we make true progress. We thought our purpose had been to continue to build system upon system, process upon process, and policy upon policy. The more we wrote and implemented, we assured ourselves that our work and relationships with people would go smoothly. We have tricked ourselves into believing that we can have the perfect model with a set number of prescriptive steps to refer to for any situation we face.

There are still speakers, books, blogs, and podcasts that propose this ineffective and archaic belief system. Isn’t it ironic that if we only needed one true system then there wouldn’t be the need for any others? Have you stepped back to consider that?

Simplifying HR is needed because people are complicated. Each individual on this planet is unique. They can’t be, and shouldn’t be, crammed into a box of any sort in order to comply and conform. But, as Martin Scorcese so aptly stated, “Simple is hard.” You think it would be just the opposite. However, creating more and more and more layers of do’s and don’ts (mainly don’ts if we were honest) is easy. Having the discipline to keep things simple and not allow the layer building to occur takes considerably more effort.

The key to understanding here though is this – Keeping HR simple allows you and your employees to thrive. You have to trust me that you unleash more of the inherent talent people want to bring to work if you focus on allowing them to perform. How that looks where you work is up to you.

This is the baseline message of almost every talk I give. I’m out to deconstruct the past in order to build up the profession. Pulling the layers back and eliminating them reveals amazing people who have been there all the time. We just haven’t seen them because we’ve been lulled to sleep doing work building matrixes.

This week find one thing to strip back. Just one. The next week find two to three more and so on. Have faith and know that simplified HR can work for you. Taking these steps will be far more impactful than building the next great initiative. Enable the people you have working at your company to perform. You’ll find when you do this, they will.

Put Your Spin On It !!

I love those painting places where you can go and have someone teach you to paint a picture. Everyone in the class starts with the same blank canvas. The instructor stands in the front of the room and shows you what a finished product could look like.

Instructions are given and everyone hears the same things. However, once a brush dips in the paint and is applied to the canvas, something happens. Not one person does it like another person. Not one. Why is that? They all heard the same instruction and they all viewed the same picture. Wouldn’t it make sense that you’d see a room full of identical pictures? Logically, it would but creativity isn’t logical.

That doesn’t dissuade anyone from taking the class. In fact, everyone loves taking a peek at everyone else’s canvas to see how they interpreted the painting. They are unique – just like each person. There wasn’t any hope of any two canvases turning out to be alike.

(These are two of my interpretations . . .)

Now, compare this to the workplace. I was talking virtually with a friend from the UK and we were lamenting the ongoing insistence of companies copying other companies. We call it “best practices.” There are countless speakers and consultants who encourage you to adopt best practices in order to be more successful. They have good intentions, but best practices don’t work. And, if we’re honest, they’re behind.

We shouldn’t be mimics trying to recreate the culture, procedures, or approaches of other companies. Can we learn from them? Absolutely. Have they accomplished impressive things? You bet. Do you work for exactly the same company with the exact make-up of employees and have the same resources they do? No. No, you do not. Since that is our reality, why do we think we can recreate how those companies do work?

I’d like to propose a different approach with two components for you to consider. The first is this – Know that your workplace is your own blank canvas. You can see the painting someone else did before you on an easel. Start painting what YOU see. Whatever the outcome is be good with it. It’s your creation. You learned from the best practices that are exhibited on the easel and you added your own touch.

At my workplace, we call this LaRosaifying something. We look externally to see how others do things well because you can learn from good work. Taking pieces from these practices and molding them to fit how we do work with our talented people is very successful. We won’t ever be (insert name of well-known company here) and we don’t want to be.

Secondly, create the “next practice” instead of trying to replicate the work of others. You are creative !! You may not think so, or you may not think you have time in your full day to be creative, but that’s just not true. Every good idea had to start somewhere. Why not from where you work? The best practices we’ve been talking about were created somewhere by someone else. Why can’t your idea be something that inspires others?

We sell ourselves short far too often. We are consumed with production and results which keep our heads down. We don’t see the paint, brushes, and canvas just waiting to be used. If we’d be willing to pause, breathe, and lift our heads up from the day-to-day, we’d see countless canvases waiting for us to add our creations to them.

This week stop the mimicry, pick up your brush, and start painting. Put your spin on the good work you do. You’ll be surprised by the masterpiece that is just waiting to be completed.

What’s Next ??!!

This Wednesday is the next milestone I am fortunate enough to experience in this journey we call “life.” I’m turning the clock over to another decade !! Now, I understand that aging isn’t exactly an accomplishment. Time moves forward whether we want it to or not. However, in my family line reaching 60 is an accomplishment !!

My biological father passed away at age 26. His brother passed away in his early 40’s and his other brother made it to his late 60’s. Therefore, I am truly grateful when I get to start yet another year roaming the planet.

What does the next decade hold? I honestly don’t know, and I’m comfortable with things being unknown. I’m relatively healthy and active. Work has never been this exciting, robust, and creative !! My wife and I will celebrate 35 years of marriage in October, and our adults are successful as they learn how to live their lives and careers.

I’ve never been a person who had to have the next steps of life planned out or predetermined. The truth is when things are overly scheduled and structured, I get a bit itchy. I am far more comfortable with spontaneity and going with the flow of whatever presents itself. Ironically, my approach to life makes my wife itchy. That’s one of the many reasons we’ve been successful as a couple. We balance each other in almost every aspect of our lives together.

I do know this. I am going to continue to look forward to what’s next. I do this with anticipation, curiosity, joy, and positivity. I don’t really see another option. I know that I’ll meet new people in the coming years. I know that I’ll get to visit and explore different areas of the world, and I hope to get to meet and connect with more HR peers. I’m sure that I’ll make that transition from work to retirement sooner rather than later. That only means new adventures are just around the corner.

I know these exciting opportunities will present themselves because in looking back over my prior 59 years, I cherish the amazing things that have already happened. I never thought I’d ever be an author growing up, and now I’ve written three books. I could never have imagined speaking in front of any group, and yet I’ve taken the stage to speak to thousands of people. I never anticipated I’d find the love of my life and be blessed with two amazing kids. And yet, we continue to enjoy each other as time marches ahead.

I couldn’t have understood that I was led into the field of Human Resources which has fit me like a glove for my entire career. I’ve been fortunate to connect with peers from every type and size of industry around the globe. Literally !! I’ve had the opportunity to work with and impact thousands of employees for 37+ years. How amazing is that?

Not one of these experiences was part of a wish list or a vision board. (remember those?) I also don’t think that my life is a series of happenstance. I’m a man of faith and I trust that whatever comes throughout my life happened on purpose.

So, what’s next ?? I’m not sure, but I’m geeked to see how it all plays out.

The Sun Still Rises

This Thanksgiving my wife, mother, and I visited my brother Mark in Knoxville, Tennessee. My sister-in-law Kathi’s parents also joined in as well as my three nephews and their families. It was a joy to be able to hang out together for a few days.

My brother and I have always been close. We are both tall, have a boisterous laugh, and we love being together. I cherished it when we lived closer to each other because we would make time to see one another. The moment we embraced this past week, it instantly melted the distance and miles away. It was just a few minutes before we started cracking up with laughter.

My brother has been very successful personally and professionally. I’ve always been proud of all he’s accomplished. As many similarities as we have, there is one difference that stands out. I’ve lived in the same house with my immediate family since 1991. My brother has not. His jobs have taken him all over the Midwest and the South. Most recently, he left the confines of suburbia to move to the country and land on a sprawling 10-acre plot.

It’s a wonderful piece of land that has boundaries of trees around three sides. You can wander for hours and hours in the woods and get lost in your thoughts. He and Kathi were intentional in clearing the land to have an unobstructed view of the Great Smoky Mountains in the distance. It’s truly breathtaking. One of the daily highlights of this view is how the sunrise occurs.

I made sure to wake up early every day to go out to the back porch to enjoy a hot cup of coffee, read my Bible, and practice my German. The additional benefit was that I was greeted by the sun rising magnificently over the mountains. The light first started by changing the hue of the sky. Brilliant colors shot across the horizon, and it’s as if a switch was then flipped on as the sun broke over the mountains in the distance.

I took pictures each morning so I could capture what I saw, and refer to them after I left. I wanted the reminder because I think we need to remember the sun still rises every day.

Too often, we are consumed with every possible distraction that frames our basic day. We get buried by so many things we forget to look up. We miss the awe of what a sunrise brings. How would your day go if the first thing you did was have your breath taken away? I think it would be drastically better !!

We also have an opportunity to be a sunrise for others. If they missed the light breaking over the horizon, then we could provide that spark that breaks through any darkness or despair threatening to swallow them. We can’t afford to forget the daily sunrise. We just can’t.

This week pause before rushing out the door or heading to your laptop. You have the time. You truly do. Start the day looking up toward the horizon. Take a deep breath and start your day with awe. It’s worth the time to remember the sun still rises.

Just Turn It On !!

This month I quietly celebrated a career milestone by passing my 17th anniversary with the same company. I’m grateful beyond words that they took a chance on me so long ago. During my time there, I have been able to grow personally and professionally more than I could ever have imagined.

It started in a very interesting manner though . . .

During their selection process, a peer of mine, who was interviewing for the HR role herself, reached out to me. She told me there was a role she thought I’d be a great fit for. I didn’t know she was being considered. She didn’t tell me. I sent the company resumes of other HR pros I knew and then asked if I could be considered as well. The gentleman who turned out to be my future boss told me, “We were hoping you’d apply.”

My first interview was in a booth in a pizzeria. Kevin asked me how I felt about being in the restaurants and I replied, “Do I even need to go to my desk ??” Evidently, it was the right answer. I came back for a round of second interviews at the corporate office. As I was taken from office to office to meet the various executives, I noticed something. Lava lamps. Many of the offices had them and I started to get giddy.

If you know me at all, I have a handful of quirks. One of them is lava lamps. I have had at least one for over the past 30 years. I dig them and they give me peace because of their simplicity. To see them dotting the offices of people I hoped would be co-workers was a great sign. It was curious though that they were darkened and not doing what they were created for.

I was hired and I brought my ancient, yet reliable, lava lamp with purple goo with me on my first day. Before I even completed the mandatory HR paperwork for new hires, I plugged it in and did something radical . . . I turned it on !!

As people came to visit me in my new place, they noticed the blobs of the lava lamp easily moving up and down. Most of them said, “Cool lamp !!” The ones who had lava lamps in their offices even commented and I shared, “You know, yours can do this too.”

You see, I think lava lamps are reflective of how we see people and what we could do to alter that. When we meet people, we truly don’t take much time to get to know them. The vast majority of our work relationships are kept at a surface level at best. From that shallow vantage point, we make massive judgments about people. Those judgments may not always turn out to be positive either. People aren’t swayed or discouraged by this. It seems that investing time in others is never as important as real “work.”

It’s a shame that we’ve expected this level of shallowness to be the norm of our company culture. If we would do one simple thing and just turn them on, I think we’d see the incredible light, talent, and life each person innately has. We’d see that time invested unlocks who they are as a human and allows them to express themselves through their performance.

I believe in this so much that I give a lava lamp away every time I get to speak at HR and business events. A simple gift to spread the light helps reframe people’s perspectives and how they view others. I “require” people to send me a picture of the lava lamp fully lit in their workplace to make sure they keep the light going. In fact, I just got a note from an HR peer who said she still thinks of me because she received a lava lamp from me 10 years ago !!

If you come to my office now, I have five lava lamps going at all times and another four at home. I don’t feel I could seriously have enough of them (but my wife may disagree.)

This week, stop looking at just the exterior of the people you work with. Know that they’re just waiting for someone to help them flip their switch. Help them do that and be the one who allows their brilliance to shine every day !!

Don’t Be a Gazelle

I grew up watching the fantastic TV show – Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom. It was an amazing show because they went around the globe showing the reality of the natural world which I was oblivious to. Mind you, this was long before the personal computer or the internet were even ideas. It was a program we’d watch as a family on a weekly basis.

I remember watching in fascination the life of the African Savannah. The animals ranged from giraffes, elephants, hyenas, cheetahs, and gazelles. There was an episode showing how the cheetahs would hunt for their prey and I was glued to the screen. When the gazelles stayed in their herd, the cats couldn’t attack. There was strength in numbers. Inevitably though, there would be one gazelle innocently eating tall grass without noticing the herd had wandered off leaving them alone.

All of a sudden, the chase was on. The cheetah had been patient, and now it leaped into action. The young gazelle was quick and darted back and forth to elude the cheetah. In the end, it didn’t end well for the gazelle. The cheetah overcame its prey.

The lesson I took away from this was to make sure I was never isolated. I understand the natural interaction of hunter and hunted in the animal kingdom is a matter of survival. These types of chases are going to occur all the time.

Isolation though has become a choice lately. I’ve noticed a crack in the foundation of social media in its various forms. I remember having a conversation with my brother and sister-in-law back in 2007 about joining this new platform called Twitter. They had joined and thought it was something I’d enjoy. I was skeptical and didn’t see the point. I checked it out and decided to give it a try. I’m glad I did because it opened the world of others from my profession I didn’t know even existed.

I also chose to be more visible and active on other platforms including, Linked In, Instagram, and Facebook. Since then, platforms have come and gone. They’ve evolved or devolved as the years have passed. There have been ebbs and flows on each one that have influenced the decision for people to participate in them or not. I remember the period of “shaming” that occurred as well chastising peers for not using social media.

Through it all, I have chosen to remain active. There is one primary reason for this – the people. Please understand when I say this I’m including those who differ from me in their thoughts, content, and approaches to the medium. I also have thousands of people who share some common thread binding us together. It’s like having a global “herd” of connections.

Over the past few years, and especially this year, I’ve seen people choose to drop away from one platform or another. Some have chosen to disconnect altogether. I’m saddened by this and yet understand. No one should be forced to participate in a forum where they feel it runs contrary to their beliefs. Blind conformity is never a good reason to be involved anywhere.

At the same time, I’m concerned because I sense a growing movement of isolation is what is occurring. The robust friendships and connections I’ve built over the years are waning and are possibly going to disappear because we aren’t together on this platform or that. Social media eliminated the barriers of time zones and geography. We could connect with the punch of a Return key on our laptop or phone. The vast majority of people I’ve come to know over the years have been virtual connections. It’s very cool when we’ve had the chance to meet in person and I cherish that. The in-person connections, however, are the exception versus the rule.

I don’t have a solution or a call to action to offer. That isn’t typically how I like to write. I’m hoping that staying the course and doing my best to continue, create and foster connections will stem the tide of people dropping away. I’m not sure it will.

I do know this . . .

We are better together than if we’re isolated.

I want to see people around the world come together to learn from each other, have intentional conversations, and improve the world of work and the world in general. We were created to be together and be a community. The forum doesn’t matter to me. Staying connected does.

I hope you step in with me.

A Bag of Apples

I’m a greeter. Always have been since I can remember. I grew up in a small town in Ohio where I saw my mom and dad greet every person by name. When I’d go to school or walk uptown, I would greet almost everyone because that’s what you did. If anyone ever drove by, you’d give them a wave whether you knew them or not.

Heading to college, I made sure to dive in to meet my classmates in my dorm and most of my classes if they were willing to let me. When I was a college senior, my friends hated walking to and from class with me because it would take extra time since I’d say “Hi !!” to everyone including their name. Entering the world of work, I tried to incorporate this practice but found that people became more resistant to this. There was this sense that you greeted people IF you had business to do with each other or to be polite. This led to the pit of casually greeting people without really meaning it.

I struggled because I didn’t see the point of the drive-by greeting. It was, and still is, vapid and insincere. I could tell people were thinking of other things that were “far more important” than greeting one another. For a while, I was a bit forlorn of the work and adult world being so comfortable with being impersonal. Only for a while. I decided after about a month in my first job to be intentional about greeting once again and I haven’t stopped since – 37+ years later.

In fact, I doubled down on this habit. I did all I could to meet folks, remember their name, and then make sure to touch base with them every time our paths crossed at work. I wasn’t quite fulfilled so I started volunteering at the Cincinnati Zoo with a group of wonderful humans called the Young Friends of the Zoo. I stepped up to be the chair of the group’s primary fundraiser at my first meeting with one catch. I wanted to give an announcement at each meeting about our efforts and then meet everyone who attended. I met my future wife at this group who, by the way, thought it was annoying that I wanted to meet everyone. She would avoid me on purpose, but I wore her down and I’m grateful I did !!

I took my greeting mission to the HR Roundtable I began facilitating 23 years ago. I would stand outside to greet each person who chose to attend get to know them, and thank them for making the time. This transferred to the HR chapter when I started going there and stepped into leadership. I continue to expand my greeting initiative whenever I go to HR conferences locally, regionally, at State events, and of course at the massive Annual Conference.

I’ve also been greeting at my church over this same time because my bucket is never filled. There’s always a new face to meet. What’s intriguing is to see people’s reactions when they know they’re truly noticed and acknowledged and that someone is geeked to see them. It’s a joy to make a genuine connection. You don’t know how it lands with those I greet, but that doesn’t deter me.

Then, there’s this weekend. There’s a girl at my church who I’ve known since she was very young and now she’s nearing middle school. Her name is Avalee and she is always bashful and shy when she comes to the door. I make sure she especially gets a greeting !! She’s intelligent, a burgeoning swimmer, and has a big heart. She came up to the door and handed me a brown lunch bag that was ornately decorated and bursting at the seams.

“What’s this?” I asked. “We went to an apple orchard yesterday, and I picked these for you,” she replied. I was speechless. I thanked her as she went past me with her ever-present Mom and Grandmother. I was floored by her simple gesture. I was making sure her family was cordially greeted, and she broke through with an unexpected return.

It’s that simple.

We are surrounded by a sea of humanity each and every day. If I had to guess, we either feel people are in the way of the task we have our mind set on or we feel that greeting each other is a polite nuisance. How sad is that?

I know I’m wired this way and I’m not expecting others to mimic my overt sense of wanting to meet every person possible. However, you can slow down and understand that the people around you are there for a reason. Your simple greeting could lead to a loving gesture. It may leave a lasting impression or be one spark of light that is needed to break through just at the right time. Wouldn’t that make the world a better place? I know it would and I hope you give it a try !!

Wein oder Wasser ??

Next year is a milestone year for my wife and I. We will be celebrating our 35th wedding anniversary and we’re both also turning 60 years old. I’m so fortunate that she said she’d marry me decades ago when I proposed to her at the Cincinnati Zoo (where we first met.)

Since this is momentous for both of us, we’re looking into an adventure to mark these passages in time and our lives together. We’re considering taking a Viking River Cruise that will take us through Hungary, Austria, Germany, and the Netherlands. It’s fascinating to plan and we both already feel the anticipation growing. To prepare, Debbie challenged me to refresh and relearn how to read and speak German.

I have picked up the gauntlet and have started doing daily language lessons using the Duolingo app on my phone. I’m a little over a week in and I love it !! I know I could use Google Translate or some foreign language AI bot instead, but that seems like an easy out.

I wanted to accept her suggestion for many reasons. The first is that it would be cool to be conversant and understand the language and signage we’d encounter throughout the majority of our trip. Secondly, I took German for one year in college and it was wonderful. My heritage is a mix of German on my mother’s side and Irish on my father’s side. Also, I was born in Nuremberg, West Germany (that’s what it was called back then) on an Army base where my father was stationed. Finally, one of the stops on the trip is Nuremberg. To be able to speak to local people in the city of my birth would be amazing !!

The other benefit of jumping into learning a second language is the reality that there are untold advantages to being a person who is constantly learning. I’ve always been a curious person who is more willing to take risks than others. I get itchy if I fall into too many predictable patterns in life. There is always something you can learn. There is no possible way you can get to a point in life where you know everything that you need to know. Something new is just around the corner if we’re willing to look for it.

Back in the 1990’s and 2000’s, there was a concerted effort for people to become “Lifelong Learners.” I remember blog post after blog post on the topic. I probably wrote one or two of them myself. It’s a great aspiration but many of us learn only when told to for a reason. The focus at work is production and that’s it. The trend has shifted to produce, produce, produce, and then fix mistakes when they occur (which they will). Hitting our numbers, driving results, analyzing data, and then coming up with methods to get them consistently better is the message of the day.

I don’t think learning and performing are separate functions. Far from it. They are intertwined. We would perform far better and consistently if we took the time to learn first. We have the time. We just choose to blow through it because of the incessant pressure to produce at all costs. This is a miss. A big miss.

As HR pros, we should be the ones pulling the brake inside our organizations. We should always take the position of being intentional in having learning and development become the fabric of our company culture. These efforts shouldn’t be a program or a reactive response to another inane performance review list of goals.

Learning, like work, should be continuous. It should seamlessly flow and be encouraged to pursue so our folks, as well as us, don’t get stagnant and stuck in our ways.

This week, see where learning can occur for yourself and others, and then jump in. I’ll be continuing my German lessons while looking for other opportunities myself. I’m geeked to do this and I hope you are too !!

(BTW – “Geeked” is universal and the same in every language – as it should be.)

The Reality of Rest

If you’ve been following this blog for any amount of time, you know I’m a person who is on the go most of the time. Activity fills my bucket. I have a driving urge that my next experience is going to be an adventure !! I’m not talking about something grandiose either. Meeting a unique person in a shop in a small town. Having an encounter with a stranger that turns out to be unexpected and interesting. Working on our daughter’s house to repair, paint and give it her touch. The list can be endless.

I eagerly enter each day with anticipation that something amazing is sure to occur. I know. This sounds naive and superficial. I can assure you it’s not. Ever since I can remember, I have seen life as robust with opportunities to look around the next corner at something completely new. Always being on the go has a price though . . .

I’m not good at resting. Never have been. This endless yearning of wonderment runs counter to slowing down even for a moment. I tend to collapse even after a full day at work. The energy I try to pour into others while also getting them to see life from a brighter perspective is exhausting. I’m not complaining. I’d have it no other way. I just want you to know that the science of expending energy affects me greatly as I’m sure it does you.

Most people I know collapse or burst. They either run themselves into the ground with countless tasks they attack and at times accomplish. Or, they sprint as if there is no end to a race and then explode emotionally. This results in a few days off either from your body slowing you down because you won’t pay attention or a mini vacation just to remove yourself from the hectic pace.

Bursting is as unhealthy as collapsing. We convince ourselves this isn’t the case and we tell ourselves that our company, department, project, etc. would surely fail if we weren’t constantly diligent and present. I fully believe in self-worth and self-assuredness in life. However, if we delude ourselves into feeling we are indescribably valuable, then we lack the most important “self” – self-awareness.

This weekend, I decided to be intentional and embrace the reality of rest. I put down my phone, went out with my wife and friends to music trivia and some drinks, and even slept in on Saturday morning !! All day Saturday, I limited my activity and drive to always do something. That resulted in watching a movie, getting some ice cream after making dinner in our Instant Pot, and even squeezing in a nap. Just one day of slowing down helped me mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Today I went to church, washed our cars, and sat down to write this blog. Limiting my activity didn’t hurt one bit and as far as I can tell, the world is still spinning. I was on social media but barely. Later, I plan to pick up a book and read or even start a puzzle without a screen in sight.

People are still milling around and falling into the trap that hustling and running is a needed component in today’s society while I chose to rest. We can’t advance the cause of well-being if we don’t take care of ourselves. Rest is needed SO we can get back in, stay active and thrive.

This week break the pattern of collapsing or bursting. Encourage others to do the same throughout your family and your workplace. Build in rest. When you do, you’ll see you actually have more energy and time than you expected !!

Stop Catastrophizing !!

I’ve mentioned before that my wife and I are empty nesters. We enjoy this stage in our lives because it’s given us the freedom to do more things as a couple while also staying connected to our kids. Looking back over the years, we made sure to invest time and attention in each of our kids knowing someday we’d be living in different places.

What’s ironic though is that when we get a phone call from Josh or Melanie, our first thought isn’t positive. When their name pops up on the screen, our minds automatically come up with a multitude of potential situations. Each one is worse than the prior one. You can feel your pulse and blood pressure elevate just a bit and you clench as you hit the “answer” button. Nine times out of ten the conversation is positive and even a bit benign. They’re just checking in.

All of the years of investing time in having relationships with our kids have paid off. That doesn’t change the sinking feeling of a potential catastrophe looming around the corner. Now, you need to take note that we don’t want something horrible to happen when we chat. It’s the last thing we’d want. So, why do we catastrophize something that should be positive? How would we respond if the call wasn’t positive and something dire was truly facing our kids?

Humans are unfortunately built to assume the worst is possible. It doesn’t matter if it’s a parent/child interaction or a work encounter. Our minds jump to a catastrophic level just in case something does present itself in the worst possible way. How sad is that? We’ve become so used to catastrophizing the potential outcome of meeting with others that it’s become our norm. That just shouldn’t be the case.

What steps could we take to not expect the worst is inevitably going to occur? The first thing is to intentionally have the discipline to see the positive aspect of every engagement we have with others. Develop a mindset that the best is going to occur. This simple step of going into conversations expecting something positive is a good start.

Secondly, believe that people have good intentions first. Understand that others want to avoid catastrophic thinking just as much as you do. Even if you’re the only one assuming positive intent, it’s better than both parties assuming the worst.

Finally, live in the moment. I don’t mean to belittle the future. Not in the least. I am a person who eagerly looks forward expecting good things. Being in the moment though allows you to focus on what’s in front of you. It also keeps you in the best frame of mind if something is bad or catastrophic. As humans, we respond when a crisis is upon us better than we do facing our regular day-to-day patterns.

We shouldn’t need our circumstances to hit a crisis level in order for us to act. It’s not healthy or sustainable. Think about it for a moment. If we only feel comfortable acting when the worst truly is what we’re facing, then we’re living with a constant catastrophic mindset !!

This week, make the change to be positive, and believe the best is going to happen with every conversation you have with every person that crosses your path. You’ll be pleasantly surprised how easily your day goes by with few bumps when fewer negative thoughts take up space. Stop catastrophizing and expect the best !!