Tag: Friendship

Roomie

This past week the clock turned back a few years to a time that continues to have had some of the most lasting impacts on my life. I pulled into the parking lot of Sinclair Community College to pick up my best friend, Fred, as we launched north to the Kalahari Resort in beautiful Sandusky, Ohio.

We were going up for the planning of the Ohio SHRM State Conference happening later this year in September. It’s the conference’s 50th anniversary, and Fred is an emeritus member of the planning committee. I’m fortunate to be this year’s emcee and keynote speaker. Those are just the trappings of what is truly important – the people we’ll see and hang out with in a few months.

Fred is more than a best friend to me. He’s been my mentor and confidant for close to 20 years. He has long since retired from being an HR practitioner, but he still has a heart for making the profession great. I used to be on the conference committee with him for years. In fact, at the first State Conference I attended, Fred introduced me around to his peers who had been active from all over the State for years prior to my involvement. It was a great way to see those who had been solid role models of engagement, passion, humor and dedication.

Back in 2004, Fred asked me if I’d like to room with him at the Conference. He had been rooming with another committee member, Tom, for years but Tom was the Conference Chair that year and had a separate room. I said I’d be glad to and we’ve been roomies ever since. Why is that important ?? Let me tell you.

Over the years, we have taken the time to be in each other’s lives through ups and downs, job transitions, family growth and challenges and more. He has continued to be an encourager as I was fortunate to grow in volunteer roles at the State, Regional and National levels. We keep in touch weekly and live in the same city. There is always a chance to jump on a call, send a text or share a story. We make time for each other intentionally and it’s always done with ease.

Coming back to the State Conference, Fred reached out to this year’s chair, Meghan, and said, “Make sure Steve and I are rooming together.” She touched base with me and wanted to see if that was cool with me. I laughed and said, “I’d have it no other way.” Our 4-hour drive to Sandusky felt like 10 minutes because of the rich conversation, world problem solving and constant laughter filling our car. The commute home was the same.

At the conference center, Fred and I made sure to invite the entire committee to our room to hang out, share tales, have a few adult beverages and just get to know each other. You see, that’s what Fred and I do as roomies. We pull everyone together so they can experience what is more meaningful than any work we ever do. It’s time together to develop friendships. We’ve been doing this for years at every event we get to attend together (and when we’re on our own.)

We invite any who will gather to join us. We take time to hear about them, who they are, what they do, and what’s happening in their lives. There’s no precursor or gauntlet to run through. There’s no judgment, labels, or obstacles to being included. The invitation is to be a human and build a relationship.

This time, as in times past, the energy and joviality of people coming together happened seamlessly. We shared why we’re roomies and why this is the “norm” for us. We hope it’s an example that they can have with others in their workplaces, their communities and their homes. This isn’t overstated. It’s a fact.

This week, I’ll make sure to reach out to Fred and I’ll open the text or conversation with a heartfelt “Roomie !!” The smile will cover my face and my heart will warm once again. There’s nothing better than to have people like Fred in your life.

Imprints

This past week, my wife and I were fortunate enough to get away for a vacation traversing across the great State of Tennessee. It was fantastic and I had some experiences that I was prepared to share in my blog, and then I received a text from a friend on Friday. The entire bottom of the world dropped as soon as I read it.

You see, my friend Mat Davies, passed away on Friday after a valiant fight against cancer. I sat in my hotel room and wept. I know this isn’t unique or new, but when it hits you personally you are reminded of how brief this adventure we call life really is.

Mat and I “met” via Twitter six years ago. I really enjoyed his blog and his activity on social media, so I decided to reach out to connect more. Thankfully he said yes. Again, this isn’t “unique”, but it was a chance to cross geographical boundaries because Mat was from the UK and I live in the States. I soon found out that we both had a fierce love for music of all genres and we connected even more. We communicated off and on throughout the years, but never in person.

That changed in 2019 when my wife and I went to the UK for an extended vacation. There was a Tweetup at Doggett’s Coat & Badge pub on the River Thames in London where tons of HR peers gathered to meet us in person. I spotted Mat immediately and made sure that we spent time together having a chat. Even though we had just “met” it felt like we had been friends for our entire life. He also was amazing by spending time talking to Debbie while I meandered around to make sure to meet everyone. Before the night ended, we made sure to capture the moment in a picture.

Me and Mat at the Tweetup on the Thames.

It is one of my favorite memories. Seriously. If you look at the picture, you can see rays of sunlight coming over Mat’s shoulder. That’s not a coincidence. He was always someone who brought joy, passion, wit and life to every conversation and interaction you had with him. Every. Time.

I have always believed that people leave an imprint on your life every time you encounter them. Those imprints can be positive or negative. Encouraging or frustrating. Uplifting and full of life or difficult and disheartening. You get the image. You leave an imprint on people whether you intentionally try to or not.

I don’t think we realize that we are in each other’s lives for a relatively short period of time. That’s true for the vast majority of people we know outside of our spouse/partner, parents, children and immediate family. We have moments. Since that is the case, we can choose to make an imprint that matters.

Mat knew this. He was someone who was positive, encouraging and thoughtful. Whenever we chatted during his chemo treatments, he was the one encouraging me and sharing some musical tidbit that he just enjoyed. I know he had to be struggling during his battle, but you’d never know it.

I know we can’t reach every person in the world. I also know that struggles, tragedies and challenges are in every person’s life to some degree. We can’t reach everybody BUT we can reach those we are fortunate to cross paths with.

I encourage you to model Mat and be a person whose imprint is not only positive, but it’s one that is lasting and meaningful. I hope to be someone who consistently follows this model. I already miss my friend, but I am thankful that we met. I carry his imprint with me . . . always.

I must do one thing to honor my friend by closing with a bit of music. I heard this just after hearing the news and it’s perfect because it’s a mix of the legend and artistry of Bob Dylan and the more current talented group Maroon 5 singing the classic “I Shall Be Released.” It fits because now my dear friend Mat is released from this life and to the next. Peace my brother.

When It Hits Home

It feels like the world is stuck in quicksand. In some instances it is and its okay to acknowledge that. The rollercoaster of emotions that occur hourly are hard to comprehend. You can go from sadness to joy to concern in a matter of moments. The challenge with this reality is that we think its only occuring within our lives and those who are close to us.

In some ways, we have a built in protection mechanism emotionally that allows us to compartmentalize our experiences. I suppose if we didn’t, we would be swallowed by all that happens around us. At the same time, it appears that this same ability can make us cynical, sarcastic, indignant or disinterested. I know that sounds harsh, but unless a situation affects us personally we may show some empathy, but its often superficial.

Just this past week, I heard news of dear friends whose jobs have been eliminated, not furloughed, eliminated. They have families themselves and it hurts that there is little I can do than offer support from a distance. There’s an immediate reach out to network and connect. A phone call to listen, console and encourage. But, it seems to not be enough.

I know fellow HR peers who have had to make decisions to make layoffs, reduce salaries, while others are trying to hire and address employee relations issues. They go home exhausted, conflicted and pulled in a thousand ways. There are those whose companies are seen as essential and they work with front line people who are doing all they can to care and meet the needs of so many. You can’t even try to define how they are coping with what’s happening to them and to those all around them.

Then, you receive news that you never saw coming. A dear friend passes. Just this Saturday my friend, Chris Fields, died. He happened to be in HR. I love how he described himself on his Twitter profile – “Brother, Uncle, Friend, Master of Labor and Human Resources, Social Media Strategist, Resume Writer.” Chris’s humanity was listed first because that’s who he was. He and I connected years ago when he was just getting connected on social media. I called to get to know him and see how I could support him. We would give each other random calls to see how each other was doing just because.

He called me a little over a week ago to see how I was holding up in the midst of these trying times. I was touched and we talked for almost an hour just talking about life, work, HR and music. On Easter Sunday, another dear friend called me and started the conversation with “Are you sitting down?” That’s never good. She broke the news to me that Chris had passed. She told me another friend has talked to him on Friday and that Chris wasn’t feeling well. Saturday he was gone.

I broke down and cried for hours. It didn’t seem real. It was another piece of news that seem to pile on to the never ending pieces of news happening everywhere.

Please know that the grieving will end and I already fondly remember Chris. He touched so many people’s lives with his business and more importantly his heart and genuine interest in others. I have hope that my friends who have lost jobs will soon find employment once again. And, I have faith that the crisis will end and we will learn how to move foward.

Life happens. It happens to all of us. I want you to remember that. So, when things “hit home” understand that people are going through their own bits of life. Be more sensitive to that when you interact with people now and as we come out of this.

Every day people have life hit home. Knowing that, choose to be someone who encourages others, has a heart to connect and positively impact those around you. This approach is needed at this time and for every day in the future.

Friends

This weekend the weather was a mix of clouds, mist, sleet and brisk winds. Everything was wet everywhere you looked. The wind made it feel colder than the actual temperature. This isn’t a blog post about the weather in West Chester, Ohio. These are the conditions I was facing when I went to visit my best friend Fred. He was moving this weekend from his current house to a new one that had just been completed. He and his wife were downsizing and moving into a ranch house which will most likely be their final home. Fred and Karen have been retired for quite a few years.

The move was invigorating because Fred and Karen were both excited to get their things moved and into their new abode. There were members of Fred’s family who came to assist with everything along with a young HR peer who is being mentored by Fred. If you’ve read my book, you’ll know all about Fred. He’s not only my best friend, but he’s my mentor. We chat at least once a week and try to see each other every two weeks. We’ve known each other for almost 20 years now, and he is an important part of my life.

The reason he’s important is that he’s my friend. Every once in awhile a post will be out on the internet that questions whether or not you can have friends at work. I personally think you can, but it is challenging especially for HR pros. It isn’t that HR folks aren’t friendly, it’s just that our roles deal with so much sensitive information that it’s difficult to develop many friendships. We can’t afford to get too close to many other employees.

We still need friends though. HR can be a very lonely profession because we don’t have close relationships. Therefore, we need to look outside of our workplaces. Trust me. One of the primary reasons I’ve stayed in HR is due to the friendships I’ve developed throughout my career. I’m fortunate to have friends around the globe who are in this field. I reach out to them often to check in and ask how they’re doing. If you’re kind enough to be friends with me, I will make sure that we’re intentionally connected.

One of those global friends is Michael Carty who is from the UK. He and I share many interests including music, art and blogging. He penned an incredible post about the recent passing of Terry Jones who was famously part of the comic troupe Monty Python. Jones’ best friend was Michael Palin, a fellow Python. In an interview after Jones’ passing, Palin says that he’ll miss having a pint at the pub with his dear friend. They were professionals who had learned to become friends. (The interview is very touching. Make sure to read Michael’s post and watch the short clip.)

Being active in social media has opened the ability to connect and develop friendships as well. You can “meet” and interact now without having to be in the same place. These platforms can be far more than a place to generate content and have people focus just on you. The amount of likes and follows are inconsequential compared to the relationships you can make. These people will become your community.

The friends I’ve been able to make are there for me personally far more than they are professionally. Yes, they are great resources of information when I need it, but most of our conversations are about life. Those are more deep and rich. I cherish each one I have.

So, let me ask you this. Do you have friends who happen to be in HR? I hope you do. I hope you have someone you can call when you need to move, need to share your thoughts and concerns, or need to grab a pint. This week evaluate where you are in regard to this. I know there are tons of great humans who would welcome the chance to foster and establish friendships with you. Reach out and make this happen. You’ll be glad you did !!

Callie

This past week has been a whirlwind. Each week I have is full, and I’m fortunate for that. I have some great things going on at work, and I was able to also have the opportunity to speak at the Vermont SHRM State Conference and attend a SHRM Board meeting. Any time I can be near my HR peers and get to know them more, do good work and share some laughs along the way, my bucket is filled.

However, this week, my bucket leaked a little.

Several years ago, my dear friend Matt Stollak, was talking to me about his HR Students at St. Norbert College in Wisconsin. He is a phenomenal human who also happens to teach people to become the future practitioners in our profession. Matt always has fond stories of his students, but one in particular made a profound difference in my life. One day he reached out and wanted to make sure that I connected with one of his students named Callie. I sent her a note to connect and she jumped on the request right away.

Callie was eager, interesting and engaged the first moment that we talked. She was always smiling, ready to share a jab and challenge your perspective because she wanted to learn more and more about HR. When I started to get to know her, she was the SHRM student chapter President. She interviewed me for a paper of hers and kept in touch until she graduated. When she entered the workforce, we stayed connected and I loved seeing her start to dig in and grow as a peer in HR.

Our paths crossed over the years at various SHRM events because she remained involved as a SHRM volunteer leader for the Wisconsin SHRM State Council as both the Social Media Director and College Relations Director. I’ve been active and volunteering for two decades now, so I had a good chance of running into her. Just a short time ago she left the corporate world of HR and actually joined SHRM as an employee. Her role was as a Field Services Director which meant she would visit State Councils and local SHRM chapters and conferences to work/meet with SHRM volunteer leaders. It was great to see her join in and give the role a new viewpoint and energy !!

As I kept staying involved myself, I saw Callie more regularly because I had stepped into different roles which allowed me to travel and speak around the country. Every time I was at an event with Callie we would chat, catch up and laugh (of course.) She was a bright light that I couldn’t wait to see. She was continuing to flourish and improve the lives of so many people, and I loved seeing her thrive !! She even recently stepped into the role of overseeing College Relations and the Young Professionals efforts of SHRM National.

A few months ago, she called me and shared some incredibly grave news. She told me she hadn’t been feeling well and the doctors she had visited couldn’t figure out what was happening to her. After multiple visits to doctors, she was told she had Stage 4 stomach cancer. I was crushed. I thanked her for letting me know, but I felt absolutely helpless.

I reassured her that I would check in and be available for her at any time. I am a man of faith, and I told her that she would be in my prayers. This wasn’t a hollow sentiment. She told me that she was facing a fierce regimen of chemotherapy, but was hopeful that since she was younger, she would get through.

A week ago, Matt reached out and told me that Callie was given 4 to 6 weeks to live. Now I was devastated. I reached out that day to text her and tell her how much she meant to me and to so many others. I told her that she needed to know that she was a light who made a lasting impact on everyone she encountered. I also told her that my life was better because she had been in it. Again, not a hollow sentiment.

I then heard that she was going to meet with hospice this week. After I had spoken at the Vermont SHRM conference and had a packed room filled with more HR peers who were laughing and looking at life and HR in a positive way, I got the news that Callie had passed.

Picture with dear friends at SHRM18 in Chicago. From left to right: Michelle Kohlof, me, Mary Williams, Callie Zipple and Anthony Paradiso.

There are no good words for how much I’m affected by her passing. I know that the loss of anyone is never easy. I ache in a way that seems to have no end because Callie is no longer here. I’m crushed for her husband and family as well.

I reached out to Matt to ask if he thought sharing the news on social media would be okay. I wanted to be respectful, but also wanted to let others know that were fortunate enough to have met and known Callie. He thought it would be fine. When I shared, I was floored by the incredible response and outpouring of love and support. She HAD made a difference !!

I’m writing this today for two reasons: (1) I needed to make sure that even more people knew about my friend Callie. (2) I wanted this to be a reminder for all of us.

You see, Callie engaged every. single. person she encountered. She met them with interest, joy and a willing ear to listen. She didn’t look past anyone to get to something, or someone, more important. People mattered to Callie.

My friends, we have the same opportunity that Callie took every. day. We are surrounded by people in our families, our workplaces and in our communities. Are you taking the time to engage with others? Do they matter?

Do you know that YOU may be the one person who chose to stop, connect and listen at the exact moment someone needed to be noticed and heard? The people who are in your life are there for a reason.

You need to remember that you make an impression on people any time you meet them. Those interactions can be positive and lasting if you choose to be intentional and step into the lives of others on purpose. You can be the one interaction to remind them that they matter.

Callie did that for me as well as for so many others, and I am eternally grateful that she did.

Jay.

This past week I lost a dear friend. His name is Jay.

His passing wasn’t expected. He was driving home after work when debris came through his windshield and killed him instantly. The news was as staggering as the way he passed. It doesn’t seem possible that a peer is gone. Life isn’t supposed to progress this way. We had hoped to grow old together and spend time with our families, children and (hopefully) grandchildren.

Fortunately, I was able to travel out of town to participate in his visitation and funeral service. That meant the world to me because Jay was one of my closest friends on the planet. I was one of the people asked to share at his service and it was the most challenging speech I’ve ever given. I’ve been fortunate to speak in front of thousands of people at a time, and that was easier than this.

When I was putting my remarks together, there were tears mixed with laughter. Jay was one of the smartest people I’ve every known – literally. He was a PhD scientist who did research to try to help cure cancer. He was a model husband and father who loved them with his life, his time and his focus. He only ever said kind and positive things about them. Jay and I could “nerd out” together while enjoying conversations ranging from the genius of Monty Python to the deep meaning of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy and movies.

Our families literally grew up together through the birth of our kids until now some 20+ years. We’ve laughed together, worshiped together, camped together and shared many other experiences. I saw Jay every week for the 13 years we lived in the same city. His job took him to Illinois and finally Wisconsin, but we never grew apart.

The greatest thing I can share about Jay is that he made an eternal impact on my life. Now that he’s gone, I feel that impact even more. Jay literally took in every aspect of life. He didn’t miss a thing. He was very observant and it was a joy to be with him on hikes out on a trail because you’d experience the fullness of nature instead of hurrying to get your number of steps in.

Jay also did this with the people in his life. He never missed a person and made sure to get to know you and interact with you. Ironically, he was a quiet, humble man who would meet you with ease versus bravado. He listened to your stories and laughed often !!

His life is a reminder and an example for me and for others. In today’s world everyone seems to be consumed with politics and taking sides or the misadventures of celebrities we will probably never meet in person. I would challenge you to get out of these constant distractions and look at the people you encounter every. day.

That is where we can leave a mark. You see, you leave an impact every time to you interact with others. You just need to choose if that will be a positive impact or a negative one. Either way, it will happen. I choose to be like Jay and pour into the lives of all the people who cross my path. Intentionally meeting them and seeing who they are and what their life is like. It matters.

One of the final experiences I had in person with Jay that left an impact on us both was seeing U2 live in Chicago at Soldier’s Field with two more best friends. We took in every note and sang every lyric. It was another lifelong memory as every one was with Jay. He loved U2 just as we all did, and still do.

I’ll leave you with one of their songs, Grace, which has a lyric which says “Grace finds goodness in everything.”

That was Jay. I loved my friend and miss him immensely. I know we’ll see each other again some day, and it will be just as wonderful as it has been for all these years.