Tag: employees

Cluttered

Now, I know that even the title of this blog may make some people squirm. I want to challenge that notion if only to offer a different perspective. As I’m writing this post, I am surrounded by a stack of books I intend to read, various notebooks all dedicated to different areas of work, a stack of crumpled flip chart pages, two sets of markers, two tote bags, and two backpacks. I have a playlist with the soundtrack of the alternative Netflix series, The Umbrella Academy, on shuffle and I’m watering our trees to thwart the drought we’re facing. This is normal and comforting . . . for me.

Please note that I’m not touting that my method of approaching life is what others should do. As mentioned earlier, any semblance of this type of manner of walking through life unsettles far more people than those who concur. I have no recollection of ever not having this as my standard style. I don’t want to venture into if my brain is wired in a certain way or another. I don’t feel it’s fair to project or label how anyone moves through their daily lives. When I find people do this, it’s not comparative, it’s judgemental. There’s a right and a wrong.

I believe there just . . . is. That may be far too existential for some. However, when I look at the world and the people around me I see variety, diversity, and uniqueness. I try my best not to squelch or confine anyone else. I don’t particularly agree with how others maneuver through work and life, but only because I know it won’t work for me. If you visited me at my office, you’d see this pattern of being cluttered lived out. To me, it’s a very natural environment that offers endless stimulation and movement. It’s a snapshot of how the world appears in my head daily.

One day a former executive came to my office and was mortified. He looked at everything stacked, teetering and threatening to topple at any moment. His countenance dropped and he was immediately judgemental because my setting ran completely counter to how he did life. That was true of his dress, his communication, and his leadership style. Instead of trying to understand my beautiful mess, he challenged me because he wanted to show me how wrong I was to work like I do.

“This is something,” he retorted.

“Is there something you need or I can help you with?” I replied.

“Do you even know where anything is? I mean (dramatic pause) LOOK at this place !!” he exclaimed. His voice was raised and he started to turn red. I didn’t understand why this was a confrontation, but I remained unphased.

“What would you like me to get? Glad to help you.” I said this with a bit of a twist and a hint of sarcasm and he felt it.

“Well, um, where is the project list we’re working on for the Strategic Plan?” he stammered.

I reached into the middle of a stack while steadying it with my other hand. “This list?” It was exactly what he was asking for. I said, “This isn’t luck or a magic trick. It’s how I think. I know this isn’t how you like to approach work and I respect that. I ask you to do the same.”

Needless to say, he was not happy. I didn’t want that to happen, but I also felt he should be more open-minded to different perspectives. We all say we’re comfortable with those who are different than us, but that’s not really true. If we were honest, we consider different – wrong. It isn’t. It’s just different.

This week take a look around and take in the array of the people you work with and see how each one is unique. They’re all amazing because of their differences. Some will be organized and others will be cluttered. Some will think linearly and others don’t even know what a line looks like because they see countless versions of ever-changing intersections.

Let’s see how all of those differences make us better. I need to get back to my stacks . . .

Shed Shopping

This weekend I personally crossed a threshold. I have always enjoyed mowing my yard by walking it using a self-propelled mower. When we first owned our house, I could mow the entire 1/2 acre in about 1 1/2 hours and on one tank of gas. It was invigorating and I looked forward to every cut. Now, Father Time is winning and what was once a task I enjoyed has turned into a chore.

I still love being outside and working in my yard. I hope that desire never wanes. However, mowing has now turned into a several-hour task where I end up spent and exhausted. I have resisted the purchase of a riding lawn mower. I have been defiant and stubborn because I never wanted to admit defeat. The time has come to accept that I need an alternative so that mowing never becomes a health issue.

To get this elusive piece of equipment to assist me in my yardwork calls for a new addition – a shed. We don’t have enough room in our garage for a riding lawn mower with our cars. I know I could park outside, but we have enough room to add this new structure. (Please note that I know we’re fortunate to have the home and property we have and don’t take it for granted.)

To find a location that sells sheds, I searched online and found a location that was a mere five miles from my house. That seemed ideal and too good to be true. My wife and I jumped into the car and trekked over to hopefully find what we were looking for. When we pulled up to the drive, we were a bit concerned. There were examples of sheds lined up along the right side of the drive, but we didn’t see anyone we could talk to. We saw one of the buildings that had a small clock sign on it with hands saying people would be back at 10:00 am. It was 10:30 am. We didn’t feel confident about this location or experience. It was disappointing, but we weren’t defeated.

We looked for other places throughout the city we could venture to. One site looked promising but it was quite a drive to get there. Undeterred, we headed out. As we pulled into the location at Miller Barns, we felt more at ease and thought we’d potentially find a shed. The buildings were more spread out and there was a main office right as you entered the property. We were able to meander in and out of as many buildings as we liked. We checked out sheds of every style and size. Inside each one was pricing information and dimensions.

After almost an hour, we went into the office and were greeted by two young, eager, and engaged men. They started with, “Hi there !! What brings you in?”

“We’d like to buy a shed,” I replied. “Well, then I think you came to the best place for that,” said the lead manager. I know this sounds cliche but it wasn’t. The two staff were full of passion and couldn’t wait to answer every question we posed. They asked what our time frame was and tried to gauge our interest. They were fairly sure we weren’t going to make an impulse buy, but they wanted to do their best to get us closer to making a purchase.

We thanked them for their time and reassured them we’d be back to get a shed after we did some measuring back home. To try to ply us one last time they offered us some delectable donuts on the way out. (We passed . . . this time.) The experience with the team who loved their job made our decision easy. We’ll definitely be back to get the new house for the impending riding lawn mower.

Do you see what a difference it makes when you encounter people who love their job? The first place we visited was run down, sketchy, and virtually abandoned. The second place was warm, welcoming, informed, and prepared to provide a great customer encounter. What is it like where you work? How about you personally?

You see, I think we focus so much on what’s wrong at work. Or, we complain about how others aren’t as good producers as they should be. The two gentlemen did none of that. It’s going to end up in a sale. What if we took on their approach and loved what we did instead? What would our companies look like if we expected this from others as well?

I know it makes a difference by loving the work I do. I believe that if you can see this shed shopping, you can make it come to life everywhere !!

Tell Me a Story

A few weeks ago, I had an opportunity to meet many people who wanted me to do one thing . . . listen to them.

You see, I was wandering the massive conference hall at McCormick Place as part of the SHRM Annual Conference. Something truly unique has been happening the past few years when I attend. My friends have learned to be very patient when walking alongside me while I wander. Why is that? As I go from place to place, I will often be stopped by a fellow attendee who wants to meet, introduce themselves, and take a few moments to chat. Whenever this occurs, my friends inevitably either have to pause or keep going to the area we were all heading. I usually tell them that I’ll text and catch up when I can.

I don’t take one moment of this for granted or think that I deserve this level of attention. There isn’t a good enough word to describe how humbling it is that someone wants to meet you intentionally. I’ve had a few people who have told me they’ve waited for years to do so because they were just unsure if they should take the chance to stop me. That is hard for me to come to terms with because I never want to be in a position where I’m perceived as unapproachable.

Once I’m stopped, the real joy of the encounter starts to take place. After we share names and I ask them where they’re from I stop talking. I want to listen to whatever they’d like to tell me. Sometimes people want to let me know what they enjoyed from a session. Other times people want to share they were encouraged so they could continue to bring a human-centric approach to HR. Every conversation is filled with emotion. It may range from joy and laughter to tears and hugs. You never know what is going to be shared, and I’m completely cool with that.

Why? People want to share their story.

For anyone to have the courage to approach someone they know very little and share something that is personally important to them is amazing. I have found that it is also a felt need that typically isn’t being filled. I don’t know if this is true from their personal life, but I can almost guarantee it’s happening because of their professional life.

We have become a society filled with little tolerance for giving our time to others without an agenda. We value production and closure far more than we do having a conversation. We feel that most people are in the way, an annoyance or they’re sure to ask us something that will have a negative consequence. This is true with our peers, leaders, and employees at work. I can’t tell you how many times people feel bothered when others attempt to get someone’s attention to talk with them.

You’ll see people look over someone’s shoulder or they’ll glance at a screen because their mind and attention are already seven steps ahead. When I hear people complain about the amount of broken communication at their company, I am sure it’s because we feel that other people are not worth our time.

That’s why if anyone ever wants my attention, I stop and give it to them. My day is as full as theirs, and I have work I could get to or a place I could visit. But, if I rush to what I tell myself is more important, I miss their story. I can’t do that. I want to hear what they want to share.

Giving someone a few moments of my day is far more valuable than any task that is burning to be done. Having an unhurried conversation with someone who has sought me out on purpose deserves whatever time they need. And, more than anything, I get to learn about the wonderful, creative, talented person across from me. You never know who you’ll meet and how the interaction you have will brighten their day.

Everyone has a story. From now on take time to stop, listen and learn.

Be Still

Whenever I get the opportunity to speak in front of a room of HR and business professionals, I need to do something to capture their attention. That’s because if given the chance, they’ll be staring at one screen or another. It may be their laptop or their phone. It doesn’t really matter. The pull and allure of each device are so strong that we’ve all become mentally and emotionally attached to them. Sound harsh? It should because it’s what has happened to every person (including me.)

The voices in our heads tell us that we must stay eternally connected because if we don’t, we’re sure to miss something. I’m not being critical just observational. We don’t break away – and honestly don’t want to. When canvassing the presentation attendees each person is burdened because of the busyness they find themselves in. It’s all-encompassing and it seems like there is no exit. Instead of finding a needed respite, we take on more and more tasks and commitments adding to the crushing weight we already carry.

Whenever we do try to step back and rest, we feel guilty and tell ourselves that if we don’t jump back in quickly then “things” won’t get done. We’re not entirely clear what those “things” are, but we are confident they will remain undone. We don’t really know if that’s true or not because we’re not patient enough to find out. It’s a vicious cycle.

Lately, I’ve been more reflective and intentional to not fall into this trap any longer. It’s not that I want to avoid getting things done. Far from it. However, feeling compelled to be on the go constantly isn’t healthy mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or physically. I heard a person recently state that people find that “low-grade exhaustion is the new normal.” That’s encouraging, isn’t it ?? I have a feeling that you can relate to this even while you’re reading this.

What can we do? How can we make time for ourselves to rest and disconnect? What will happen to the myriad of tasks, deadlines, and mountains of work and activity if we dare break our pattern? It’s a two-word answer.

Be Still.

It’s not more complicated than that, but the discipline and faith to make this a reality takes true effort. Whenever you try to move in this direction, the pull to stay entrapped is great. However, once you do accomplish this breakthrough, the benefits are immense. I don’t want to be prescriptive or suggest a step-by-step model that surely will work for each of you. I think this approach is ineffective.

Being still is a cognizant step to breaking your current life pattern with the assurance it will work. You’ll have to trust me that it does. I now take time to be still regularly. I don’t try to fill this space with something else. I just simply take a break to calm myself, focus on the environment and people around me, and relax. Stopping the maddening pace of life gives me peace. I find that having this practice built into my days has actually rejuvenated me.

Now, I have more energy, joy, and time (yes, time) because I refuse to keep running at a breakneck pace. Being still has also cleared my thoughts enough that when the next challenge or conflict is at my doorstep, I’m in a better mental space to address it.

This week break away. This week don’t keep fighting to stay afloat. This week refuse to keep running. This week . . . Be Still.

Just 3 Chords !!

A few weeks ago I was fortunate to attend the Louisiana SHRM State Conference. I relish it when I can spend time with HR peers. It fills my bucket. I also gave two presentations and got to see the good work of other presenters. Conferences are a great time to connect, network, learn, and have fun. We spent so much time laughing while getting to know each other better.

After the conference came to a close, my dear friend Rebecca secured tickets for a real treat. A handful of us who were staying after the conference decided to go see two legendary bands – ZZ Top and Lynyrd Skynrd !! I was so geeked because I have been a fan of both bands throughout their long and illustrious careers. The night started by grabbing some incredible Mexican food and decompressing from the successful conference. We gobbled down our food and drinks because Rebecca and I wanted to make sure to catch every moment of the show.

When we made our way to our seats a third band on the bill, Black Stone Cherry, ripped the roof off. This was completely unexpected. I had never heard of them. They destroyed their set and were a mix of southern rock, heavy metal, and a bit of country. ZZ Top quietly took the stage as they sauntered out. Billy Gibbons strummed his first note and they were off !! (I’ll come back to this Texas trio in a sec.) Skynrd was so talented. They played a series of hits and elevated the room as we sang along ending the night with Freebird. The whole night was epic !!

The surprise of the night for me though was ZZ Top. Three musicians made enough noise to literally shake your chest with their sonic mastery. It was astonishing. All of the band members are now in their 70s which is ridiculous. They spoke little but did share the quip – “We’re just three guys with the same three chords.” So simple yet so powerful. They played a mix of their hits along with some deep, deep cuts and I was in heaven. I sang, screamed, and cheered throughout their entire set.

There is magic in threes. This is true for these rock legends just as it is for us professionally. We often talk about the need for mentors in the workplace. I agree. Being a mentor is a great privilege. Helping others learn the ropes so they can succeed in the company has limitless value. There is a watch out for this though because one should not just be a mentor. No one should feel they are so talented that their sole purpose is to have people sit at their feet just to listen to their wisdom.

People who are successful mentors have mentors themselves. That approach puts them in a trio. You shouldn’t mentor others unless you have a mentor. You need the 3 chords in order to make mentoring work effectively. We gather experience over time and there is strength in sharing what we’ve gone through. At the same time, we should never stop learning. Never. There is always something new to learn or glean from others who are your mentors.

This week follow the ZZ Top model for mentoring. They’ve been together playing their unique style for over 50 years. Three guys playing three chords works. It always will !!

To keep the vibe going as you read this, enjoy this deep cut they played live.

Fill the Potholes

My wife and I ventured this weekend to Indianapolis to visit our daughter. If you’ve been reading my blog for any time, you know we’ve had some adventures in working at her home. It’s only 105 years old !! You honestly wouldn’t know it with all of the sweat equity we’ve put in over the past 1 1/2 years. We enjoy helping her out and it’s fun to get your hands dirty as we continue to make her home come to life.

If you’ve ever watched those HGTV shows, anyone who ever buys a house makes changes. We all have different styles. Something that appealed to the previous homeowner may not fit the current owner. Melanie had been making style changes and repairs to get things updated and put her twist on things. What’s a bit intriguing is she is the 3rd most recent owner. The couple she purchased the home from did more living in the house with very little effort to keep things nice. She has been making alterations to the gentleman who owned the home before that.

He had done a good job. We met him last year and he explained that when he purchased her home it was falling apart. So he basically “flipped” it. One choice he made was contrary to how Melanie had grown up. I love landscaping !! One of the main reasons we purchased our home in 1991 was the lawn, trees, and landscaping. My kids have been working in the yard with me since they were very young. Some of our greatest experiences were spent in the yard and the beds getting them mulched and planting endless perennials.

Melanie’s beds at her home were covered in stone. The beds were either a thick layer of pea gravel or river rock. They didn’t look bad, but it’s not what she wanted. Well, in order to get the beds to where she could add topsoil and mulch, the rocks had to be removed. That may sound easy and on the surface, you’re fooled into thinking it will take just a few hours to remove the stones and prep the beds. It isn’t easy, and it didn’t take just a “few” hours.

My wife and I came to help take on the rock removal and two of her close friends volunteered to jump in as well. Once we started putting the rocks into wheelbarrows, we needed to decide where to place the stones. Did I mention that Indy is full of potholes? Not kidding. It’s a giant problem throughout their city. The alley that runs next to Mel’s house is fraught with them. If you tried to drive down the alley you are fearful your suspension is going to fail.

We saw an opportunity staring right at us. (Please note that our daughter tried to contact the community council and they said they’d look into it. Hmmm.)

So, we filled the potholes. Load after load. We moved hundreds of pounds of stones. Her neighbors came out and thanked her for looking out for them and taking action. It was a great feeling to be in a position to help them.

We started our day hoping to finish moving the stone out of both the front and back yard. You have to have goals !! We quickly realized getting the front yard done would be enough. Six hours later we went to a local brewery to enjoy a few adult beverages and talk about our day.

Once I had a chance to relax and not focus on my aching muscles and joints, I thought that we as HR pros could fill the potholes of those we work with. I’m not suggesting we fix people. I do, however, think we can give people our attention, focus, and effort. The number one need of people at work is to be acknowledged and recognized. Doing that helps mend the potholes they are all experiencing. You see, our time is just like the stones we moved. Giving people small doses of our time intentionally can repair any divots. It helps smooth out their day so they can perform.

This week, make the move and fill your HR wheelbarrow with your time, and then head into the alley. There are potholes waiting to be filled and you are just the right person to do that !!

Totality

I don’t know if you’ve heard or not, but the solar eclipse is on Monday, 4/8/24. People around us are geeked !! At my workplace, we’re almost in the path of totality. My hometown is in the path of totality, and there are events planned all day for the 4+ minutes of darkness.

One of my team did a great job setting up a display at the corporate office of Sun Chips, Oreos (like the moon covering the sun), Mini Moon Pies, and Eclipse glasses for people to wear on Monday. I went off book because I wanted to get a pair of tie-dye glasses to wear and commemorate this celestial event.

I think there are lessons we can learn from the eclipse. I’m not talking about “embracing the energy” or that some unexpected spiritual occurrence will take place. The things I’m talking about are around work.

First, it’s quite refreshing to see people rally around a common event !! When people do this, have you noticed that grousing and complaining disappear? Instead, people exude joy, curiosity, and collaboration. It seems natural and people show little resistance.

What if that was the norm in our company culture? How could we take the steps needed where people rallied around the work they did and the people they worked with? What would our days look like if we didn’t focus on weaknesses and what isn’t being “done”? We could foster and develop an environment where people looked forward to getting together. They valued the different perspectives and approaches of their peers. Is it possible ??

The answer is YES !! What’s missing is no one acts as a conductor to bring this to life. This is an incredible opportunity for forward-thinking HR pros to be those conductors. This type of constructive and inviting culture should become our norm and not be as rare as the appearance of a solar eclipse.

What do you say? Are you willing to shift what you do to move your culture in this positive direction? I think we ALL should do our best to make this happen.

Secondly, the moment everyone is anticipating is when the moon completely covers the sun. It’s estimated that hundreds of thousands are flocking to try and be in the path of totality. We want to see it first hand. We want to see the sun blocked out from the sky even for a few moments.

We could also provide moments of coverage for others at work. As HR pros, we need to be present, available, and attentive to all of our employees. ALL of them. Instead of letting people get hung out to be criticized or ridiculed, we should provide cover. This rarely happens and instead, we end up picking up the pieces of interactions that went awry. Aren’t you tired of being called on only as an afterthought? When the majority of your HR job is reactionary in nature, you get burned out.

We can see lessons in the world around us that can be applied in the work we do. In fact, those learnings are often far more effective than trying to glean items from webinars, conferences and textbooks. Tomorrow, don your eclipse glasses and look up to enjoy this celestial marvel. Then take the steps to provide cover for your people and improve your culture going forward. Enjoy the eclipse !!

It’s That Time Again . . .

The sun is out and shining magnificently. Blue skies are dotted with wispy clouds moving quickly because it’s so windy. I check my Weather App and the temperature is a chilly 41 degrees (5 degrees Celsius for the global reader). I am wearing three layers – a tie-dye shirt (of course), a hooded sweatshirt, and a windbreaker in the hope of keeping warm. I slip on my yard crocs, get some gloves, and finish my prep by rolling out the yard machine just aching to fulfill its purpose.

I add gas to the tank, check the oil, and make sure the deck is set at the correct height. Before I pull the tow rope to start the mower, I make sure to have my Raycon earbuds securely in place and my Apple watch set on Outdoor Walk for exercise. I choose an episode of a Dateline podcast, hit start on the show, tap my watch, and pull the cord. The mower jumps to life waiting to tackle the vast sea of green ahead.

It’s that time again . . . the season of lawn mowing has begun !!

Our lawn is a feature of our home that I enjoy. Yes, it takes constant work and attention, but I love being outside working on it. I’m still a bit old-fashioned because I have a self-propelled push mower. Now that I’ve passed over into my sixth decade on this planet, I don’t have the same level of energy I did when I made the first cut in 1991. I used to be able to cut the whole yard in 1 and 1/2 hours without a break. In fact, I’d mow the yard and then spend several more hours with landscaping tasks beckoning me.

When I mow now, I take two to three breaks and stretch things out. I still enjoy it and don’t mind slowing down a bit. Being outside gives me a chance to break from the pace of life and enjoy the sites and sounds of nature. It is refreshing and rejuvenating.

As I walk back and forth row after row, I have a chance to let my mind wander and consider how this weekly chore relates to work and HR. You may find that odd, but I think you can tie all we do in life back to the work we get the opportunity to do. Lawn mowing is a lot like how work should be.

First of all, the grass looks better after you make a fresh cut. Ignoring the grass just means that it will grow wildly and look unkempt. If we look at trimming the things that employees don’t need or aren’t necessary, it would give them a chance to grow. The key is getting their work and relationships in shape so they can then stretch and grow through their performance.

Secondly, lawns deserve and need our attention. This is true of our people as well. Employees deserve our attention. They don’t have to report to work or do a good job. They choose to and we lose sight of that. Instead of being grateful for people showing up to perform, we focus on those who drain our souls. It’s not what we should do. The entire lawn gets mowed and EVERY one of your employees should get your time, focus, and attention.

Finally, taking care of your lawn gives you contentment and a feeling of accomplishment. The same can be said of our employees. It is okay to care for others !! Honestly, if you’re not someone who cares, you shouldn’t be in a role responsible for people. I’m not kidding. The workplace is more rich and meaningful when it is filled with people who are passionate and care for each other.

The mowing season here starts in March and goes until November. That’s a long time, but it’s worth every pass of the mower. The lawn responds and flourishes. If you do the things noted, your employees will too !!

Check on Your Icicles !!

I have lived in Ohio for the majority of my life. I love that in this part of the Midwest, I get to experience all four seasons of the year. Each season has its pluses and minuses. I have to admit that I do love a good snow !! This past Friday afternoon a legit snowstorm took over for several hours. It was part of my commute home and I was able to get back and enjoy the flakes floating down from the sky. When it was over, we had 3 inches covering everything in a smooth white blanket.

I am one of the odd people who regularly yearns for more snow. I think it paints a beautiful landscape of Winter. I knew the picturesque scenery would be short-lived because Spring is doing its best to arrive and start the second season of the year. As the snow began its inevitable melt, the conditions were just right for icicles to form. I LOVE icicles !! They are a wonderful creation but they don’t always appear after every snow. So, when they occur I make sure to cherish them.

Icicles are fascinating because they form while melting. They cling precipitously off the edge of something or other. There is no rhyme or reason to how long or short they’ll be. Also, some just seem to build and build until they become a massively thick structure reaching down as far as they possibly can. As rarely as icicles form in our area during the winter, their time is limited as well. As the outside temperature rises, the icicle begins the end of its “life” by slowly dripping from its tip. You hope for it to melt completely, but more often than not, the icicle detaches from its edge and it rapidly freefalls to shatter on the ground below. As I’m writing this blog, there is a barrage of icicles falling and smashing on the back patio.

It’s a shame that they don’t stay around longer than they do. I understand that everything has its time and life cycle. However, they are so magnificent and make such a visual impact that it’s brighter when they’re around.

As I take a look at these dangling masterpieces, it makes me think of people. You’ll hear the term “well-being” being used more regularly these days in the workplace. Unfortunately, it took a global pandemic for organizations to realize the well-being of our people has ALWAYS been something that deserved our focus and attention. Now, hang with me here (pun intended). I think many of our employees act just like icicles on a daily basis.

You don’t see them before they appear magically from the crowd. It’s just like icicles that emerge from the “crowd” of a fresh snowfall. Once they show up and are visible, you see them as the talented and unique people they’ve always been. What you don’t notice is they may be hanging on a ledge and you don’t even realize they are. On the outside, they glisten and are on display while also melting on the inside at the same time.

Most likely, our great people will detach and fall as well before they reach out. That shouldn’t happen. We should be in a position to not only enjoy them for all they bring to the company, but we should make sure they’re more anchored all the time so they don’t fall. Making sure we are intentional in knowing our people all. the. time. needs to be our baseline as HR pros. They should never be oversights that get in the way of our work.

People are looking for someone who will be there for them all the time and not just in times of crisis. Taking note of a person’s well-being is a full-time endeavor. The more we embrace this, the healthier people will be. Let’s turn the tide and take care of our icicles. Value them every day and give them the awe and attention they deserve. Then you’re sure to have them with you year-round.

Be a Care Partner

Throughout life, you are sure to encounter various challenges. We don’t desire that but you have to be realistic. Life wouldn’t be life without challenges. This past week, my wife and I started to face our most recent one.

I mention my wife often in my writing because I am so fortunate to have her in my life. As a couple, we balance each other. I tend to be outspoken, gregarious, eager to meet strangers, and someone who questions rules. She is stable, thoughtful, enjoys rules and structure, and warms up to people after meeting them a few times. There are other facets of our personalities that you could categorize as opposite – and that works for us.

She has always been supportive of my drive to be creative and always on the go just in case I can meet someone new. If I were someone who chose to spend their life with me, I’d wonder at times what I signed up for. On the other hand, she brings order and peace, which is incredibly attractive !! So, when she had knee replacement surgery last Wednesday, I had the opportunity to take care of her once again.

I say “again” because, in the past, she’s had extensive foot surgery, two shoulder surgeries, and now a knee. She’s decided to become bionic which is keeping her healthy and will give us more years to do life together. (One quick note, I read every blog I write to her before I publish it. She knows the topic and we aren’t breaking any HIPAA privacy rules.) Everything went smoothly and was successful. I was amazed that something so major is now an outpatient procedure !!

We came home and got her set up to start the road to recovery. I am there to assist her with actions she normally would do on her own. When I mentioned that Debbie was going to have surgery in my men’s group, I said, “I get to be her caregiver.” One of my friends corrected me. He said, “Be a care partner because you’re in this together.” That truly struck me.

Being a care partner is such a different perspective because it’s not one-sided and reminds you that more than one person is involved. This doesn’t lessen the challenge you both face, but it gives you more confidence that you can be a team to work through it together. It’s only been a few days into recuperation, but we’ve been taking the care partner approach and it’s made a huge difference.

While Debbie has been resting, I had time to contemplate. As a “partner,” you find yourself focused on others which runs contrary to what the world expects. We’re taught to be fiercely independent and stand on our own. However, I believe we are wired to be present and empathetic to others – always. This is true when you’re given the chance to care for a spouse, a partner, a parent, a child, a friend, a relative, and even a stranger.

You can be someone who chooses to care instead of being someone who chooses to avoid or deflect. We really don’t know what’s going on in the lives of the people we work with. Rarely do people take the time to be that open or vulnerable. I’m not calling for people to be more open, but I am encouraging you to be more mindful that EVERYONE you encounter has some form of “life” going on at every moment.

Acknowledging this will change your approach and lead you to be more caring and empathetic. In fact, it’s needed if you want to lead effectively. Self-centeredness only ends up tearing people apart. I’ve tried to be someone who models empathy and care at home, at work and everywhere I’ve been connected to other people. I was fortunate to see this modeled by my parents and extended family. It’s what I’ve known and what I hope to show and see in others.

This week look around to see where you can become a care partner. The opportunities are there. Step in, lend a hand, and see how those relationships grow and move forward !!