‘Connections’ Articles at Everyday People, Page 5

Don’t HR Me !!

This past week I had one of my many “commute convos” on the way home from work. I have a pretty long commute and I love to fill it with calls with friends. I know it’s a bit archaic to have actual conversations with people these days, but I’m sticking to it. They are often exhilarating because I catch up with people and hear the great stories and experiences they are having.

During this one particular call, my friend (also in HR) was telling me about a recent chat with her husband who was struggling with his job. He wanted to throw in the towel and look for something different. (We’ve ALL had that kind of talk with someone !!) His wife was being awesome and listening to him. As he paused, she pulled out her expertise and started coaching and exploring options for him when he held up his hand and exclaimed – “Don’t HR me !!”

We both howled about this story because she was doing what comes naturally. All people in every profession do this. We tend to keep things at the surface level and talk about our profession. Not true ?? When you meet someone for the first time and learn their name, what’s your first question? I’ll bet you that it’s “So, what do you do for a living?”

We are fiercely defined by our career and occupation. If you want to test how true that is, talk to someone in transition. One of the driving challenges of getting that next new job is getting over the feeling that our job IS who we are. Don’t get me wrong, it is a huge component of our life, but it is only one component.

What’s the harm in getting to know people past their profession? If all we have to talk about is work with each other, the conversations would get pretty predictable don’t you think? It may give you the illusion of some safety bubble, but it keeps people at arm’s length.

I have dear HR friends right now who are celebrating new accomplishments, mourning loss of friends and/or family, looking for their next great gig, seeing life through the eyes of their children, trying on a new city they just moved to, etc.

I love hearing about every aspect of what they’re going through !! They’re very cool in reciprocating as well. You see other than my great HR job, I’m a husband, father, musician, writer, comic book movie nerd, sold out musicophile, Scout leader and social media wonk to name a few things.

In just a few weeks, I’m going to the SHRM Annual Conference in Las Vegas and I’m geeked !! I’ve had a goal the past few years to try to meet every attendee, and last year I made some serious strides. This year, I’m keeping the same target, but I won’t ask one of them what they do. I already know they’re in HR !! I want to be different and get to know them for the phenomenal people they are !!

It may make some folks uncomfortable, but I’m good with that and I have a motive to do this other than being an extrovert. I think that the more HR people are connected as humans, the better HR people we will be in our organizations. You see, you won’t look at your employees other than people you happen to work with unless you’re connected to other humans yourself.

This week reach out and make a call during your commute. Fill your travel time with connections to those friends that you promise yourself you’ll call. Don’t pause anymore. Give them a call and ask them how life is going. I know they’d love to hear from you !!

You never know, I may be calling you as well !!

The Real #FF !!

As 2014 draws to a close, we take time to reflect on what was and what will possibly be for the coming year.

For those of you who are active on Twitter, there has been a hashtag called #FF which stands for “Follow Friday.” It’s where people recommend others that are on Twitter for you to consider following. When Twitter was in its infancy, this was huge every Friday and you’d see tweets flying so quickly that your head would spin. People were excited to connect and see who else was out on the social platform.

Inevitably, you’d see the same names week after week because, like any system, there is a bell curve of activity. There are many who are very visible, active and they do a great job of posting their material and the material of others. There are also many who “lurk” and watch what people write and post. Nothing wrong with lurking because I’m assuming that you are trying to see what has value to you and this allows you to filter what information you like and avoid that which you don’t.

There is also a significant group of people who dabble in social media because someone encouraged them to, but they lose interest quickly. For whatever reason, it just doesn’t capture enough of their attention to merit ongoing effort. They may show up in a #FF once in a while, but they rarely reciprocate.

This isn’t specifically a post about Social Media though. You see this past week during the holidays was filled with the Real FF – Friends and Family !! People gathered from all over to make sure to see each other and catch up. These times of seeing people in person has immeasurable value. It’s great to hear new stories or relive old memories surrounded by warmth and laughter.

In my case, these gatherings are also generational. There are Grandparents, Aunt, Uncles, and cousins of various ages and from various backgrounds. They live in urban settings, rural settings and suburban settings. It’s a broad spectrum that continues to grow as the families grow.

Getting together with people in person is energizing for me. To take the time to get to connect with friends is something I look forward to every time I get to go to an event. I am a big proponent of the #FF movement on Twitter and try my best to keep active because I believe these electronic introductions can lead to meaningful connections and friendships.

Going into to 2015, I hope to make more of the #FF that I do socially come to life in person. I believe that the more intentional we are in making these connections become a reality, we experience that “friends and family” high of getting to know one another.

So, be on the lookout !! I plan to make sure to rekindle existing friendships as well as develop new ones. I hope that you are one of those #FF folks who truly becomes a friend. Don’t be surprised when I find you !! It will be magnificent !!

It Only Takes 3 Chords !!

I don’t know if many people were as excited as I was about some music news this week, but I was Geeked !! Rock giants, AC/DC, released their seventeenth album called Rock or Bust. I’ve heard a few tracks and it sounds much like their whole catalog.

You may not be a fan of these Metal legends, but I found myself immersed in them because the Classic Rock station on Sirius XM was “taken over” as AC/DC radio. Members of the band shared their past experiences and their excitement over their new work.

AC/DC is one of those bands who people have been critical about because they follow a simple three chord method to their songs. It’s true that their songs don’t have a ton of musical variety, but they have released songs that will be played for generations to come.

So, what does this shout-out to one of my fave bands have to do with HR ?? Everything, but it takes you looking at something that is missing and how this can fix it !!

I continue to come across HR people who are in transition. I am surprised that the first time I meet them is when they are looking for a job. It is disappointing because I have this crazy goal that I want to be connected with as many HR people as I can. I don’t want to see anyone who isn’t a part of a greater HR community.

I don’t understand it. I don’t understand how you can be in HR and not be intentionally connected to others in our field. These connections are so much more than a method to find another HR gig. They result in strong, life-long relationships filled with resources and knowledge that you can’t get on your own. It’s just not possible.

I don’t feel that everyone should try to have as many contacts as someone else, but you should have three !! You see, I believe in the power of mentoring. I don’t follow the definition that you find in many HR circles stating that you set up a mentoring relationships for a set period of time and then it should fade away. I think that this approach often turns out one sided and focuses on someone’s specific need instead of looking at the whole.

So, here’s the model I do follow !! You can’t have a mentor unless you mentor someone yourself. The three “chord” model makes sure that you are giving as well as learning from someone else.

I also feel that you should seek out these triads intentionally. I have a few mentors who I’ve been with for decades and I have a few mentees who have been with me for many years as well. I also make sure that the relationships are as deep as needed. The mentor/mentee relationships I have vary from somewhat more on the surface to others that know no end to their depth !!

In fact, I just reached out to a friend to ask if I could have him be a mentor and work with him in 2015. His response was awesome – “color me intrigued and honored.” I’m excited to see where it goes.

So, I ask you to join me and set up your trio of connections !! Remember it only takes three chords to make a band !! To get you started, I leave you with this . . . (you’re welcome.)

Image courtesy of Old Skool Hooligan Tees

As You Wish.

Tomorrow I am celebrating a true milestone in my life, and the life of another. My amazing wife Debbie and I will have been married 25 years !! It’s incredible to think that we have literally been married for half of our lives (so far).

So, if you will allow me, I’d like to step away from penning an HR post to share our story . . .

I moved to Cincinnati back in 1986 after graduating from Ohio University. I only knew a small handful of people in town and had no social circle. One day at work a flyer came across my desk for Young Friends of the Zoo. This was a group of young adults from all over Greater Cincinnati that met to volunteer at the world famous Cincinnati Zoo. It sounded interesting so I gave it a try.

At the first meeting I attended, the leaders of the meeting were looking for a Chair for the Beastly Ball – the group’s largest fundraiser. I have never been one to shy away from things, so I volunteered to chair the event. The group was a bit shocked I stepped up without being “known,” but they gave me a shot. The Ball was a huge costume party and we transformed an empty warehouse into an Egyptian tomb.

Every meeting I stood up and introduced myself, “Hi, I’m Steve Browne, chair of the Beastly Ball. I need your help to make this happen and I’ll be around to see all of you during the meeting.” The extrovert in me was glowing, and my future wife would make sure to leave the meeting or shuffle around so as to not meet me on purpose. She thought that I was too over the top and brash to want to intentionally meet everyone.

We had several work nights to make the decorations for the Egyptian tomb, and Debbie was there every time. One night she came over to me (after having avoided me for months mind you) and she asked what I was doing that weekend. I said, “Nothing.” (because I’ve always been good with words). And she responded with the best line of all time – “Want to do nothing together?” I was floored and said, “YES !!” immediately.

Our first date was a movie, The Princess Bride. We had no idea that we were seeing a movie about true love and saw this merely as a first date. In this classic film, the main character Wesley, always responds to Princess Buttercup with “as you wish” regardless of what she asks. We loved every moment of the movie and felt connected from that point on.

Fast forward about one year and Debbie and I were going to the monthly Young Friends of the Zoo meeting yet again. I asked her to come a little early and meet at the King Cheetah area. It was there that I proposed to her because the King Cheetah is one of the few animals who mate for life. It just felt right to do. She fortunately said, “Yes” and here we are 25 years later.

Debbie is the perfect balance for me. She is the organized, introverted, brilliant, loving and sensible side that I lack. I am thankful for every moment that I’ve had with her. She is an amazing wife, mother and partner who stepped out of her comfort zone to connect with me.

We come across people every day who can impact our lives. They may be reaching out to see how they can connect. Are you paying attention to this? You never know, you may find someone who will be with you for the rest of your life !!

So, now, I look forward to what will truly be a new adventure as we move towards our next milestone. We are more of the exception in today’s society by being married for 25 years and I dig that. We have found true love just like the movie and, I get to be Wesley, now and forever, who will look to Debbie to respond “as you wish” !!

A Little Piece of My Heart !!

This week has been one of transition. My mother-in-law passed away at the age of 77 after a battle with Parkinson’s disease and dementia. Also, a dear friend of mine, who I sang alongside in our church choir, passed away gracefully at the age of 89. I doubt that few who read this blog know these two great people who impacted my life in tangible, meaningful ways. I am thankful that I can celebrate their lives and what they meant to me.

These two people also had an impact on my amazing wife, Debbie. I don’t mention her much on social forums because she’d prefer to be in the background. You see, she is a perfect reflection of the quote from Jerry Maguire – she completes me. She and I are almost complete polar opposites and everything I do poorly, she does well. I don’t know how my life would look without her. I don’t think it would be nearly as positive and great as it is because she so gracefully and effortlessly fills the voids and blind spots I have.

The majority of the people who touch our lives are more like my wife, my mother-in law and my friend from church. They are meaningful to us individually and the sphere of who they’re connected to varies greatly. Even though I may be personally connected to them, I may not be connected to the other amazing people who they know and interact with.

I want to take the time this week to share something that you may not know. Just like these three wonderful people – you have a piece of my heart !!

Too often, we downplay the impact EVERY single person in our lives has. We keep thinking that people only make an impact if they have visibility, notoriety or celebrity. Sadly, many people keep chasing those shallow attributes of our society thinking it will give more substance and meaning to their lives.

You need to know that YOU matter – at least to me. I don’t take any interaction I have with any person lightly. It may be the one and only time we ever cross paths. That matters. I may not personally see how this affects either your life or mine. But, I know that because you came across my path and in my life – you impacted me and made a difference.

I don’t view life in the manner that most people do. To me, the “humans” are key because my life is not defined by my profession. It’s just what I happen to do.

The losses I experienced this week reminded me that I don’t take enough time to let people who are in my life know how much I value them. I guess I assume they know, but that is a missed opportunity. This is something so critical to all of us as people to communicate how people touch our lives.

Make sure to notice everyone you come across this week !! Don’t ignore, brush off or move past some ONE to some THING you think is more important.

I don’t take our connection lightly. The fact that you would take the time to read this blog as well as connect in person and/or socially drives me and fuels my passion for people more than you know !!

I’m glad you are a piece of my heart !! I know that I am better because of it !!

Image Courtesy of Deviantart.com

I Can’t Wait !!

In a few weeks, I will be heading to Orlando, Florida for the SHRM Annual Conference. To say that I’m Geeked would be an undersatement !! It’s a chance to break away from the daily norms and be with 14,000+ of my HR peers. Some may find that overwhelming while I see it as welcoming.

There are many reasons that are making this year’s conference even more intriguing. The obvious item that will gather the most attention will be the next steps in the SHRM Certification transition. I want to see where things will go and it will be great to see and hear things first hand. I also have the great chance to meet with the SHRM Board of Directors as part of the Membership Advisory Committee (MAC). I’m fortunate to be a part of a great team of other volunteer leaders from around the US who are seriously intentional and engaged HR pros.

To top all of this off, as if that wouldn’t be enough already, I get to speak !! When I heard that was going to be a part of the program, I was humbled. I truly was. You see, giving the presentation will be a thrill in itself, but even more than that I’ll be talking to my peers. I have been at many conferences and hear that HR folks want to hear from fellow practitioners. Now I get the opportunity to do that. Wow !!

Conferences give you a chance to meet great HR pros from all over, develop lasting professional relationships and get connected to resources that help you do your job better. If you’re going to SHRM14, I’d love to see you and connect !! I mean that. I try to meet as many folks as I can because I find that I have learned more from these great people over the years than I ever would have on my own.

I know that there are several reasons why people go to conferences, but for me it truly is all the people. It’s fascinating to realize that there are so many others who practice HR and have a chance to do it in various ways !! I also plan to see other sessions from people that take a different look at HR. I look for sessions that stretch and challenge me because I want to bring back items that will allow me to improve HR in my workplace. I don’t want to settle for something or sit through a topic just because it gets a certain level of credit.

So, as my level of excitement continues to grow, I hope to see you !! It would make my Conference to get to see you, meet you and experience it with you. Geeked !!

Image courtesy of blogworld.com

Getting to Know You !!

This past week I was able to “return home” for Thanksgiving with my parents in the Village of Ada, Ohio !! This booming metropolis of 5,900 people is my hometown. I’ve been fortunate to live in many small towns throughout Ohio, but this is where I grew up. I love coming back home because it is a mix of a small town surrounded by acres and acres of farmland.

We wanted to get out and do something instead of constantly eat, so we decided to take in a movie. I thought we’d have to travel to Lima, Ohio (a mere 15 minutes away), but fate was smiling down on us. The Ada Theatre in “downtown” Ada was showing Catching Fire which is what we wanted to see. I was geeked (as you could suspect) !!!

I wanted my family to go experience the movie house that I grew up with. It’s said that you can’t go back to your home, but that just isn’t true in Ada. It’s a one-screen theater with wide rows and 300 red upholstered seats. The admission was a staggering $4.00 per ticket !! We decided to splurge for popcorn and a soda for another $4.25.

The whole experience was spectacular !! The movie was great and the whole feel the entire time gave my family a small taste of the small town I was fortunate enough to call home. People said, “Hi” even though they didn’t know you and no one was pushing or shoving in order to get their place. Every seat was a great seat to watch the movie.

So, what does this tale from the Midwest have to do with anything ?? I think it’s very relevant to the whole social media “space.”

We spend countless hours on-line looking at posts, surfing Facebook to post all types of personal experiences, retweet items that we found interesting, etc. But, we spend very little time getting to know the people we “follow” or “friend.” I want to see that change.

You see, the more we get to know someone, then we can be confident in sharing their great content because we have more of a relationship with them. I continue to see friends (real friends) who are becoming more and more sporadic on-line and I truly wonder how they’re doing. When I get to connect with them, they’ll share how full and robust their lives are and I’m fine. I want to get to know WHO you are and WHAT you do.

To me, the social media forums are a great way to share content and provide resources to the masses. It’s essential that we do this intentionally and not just automatically. Yes, it takes time to get to know folks – but what can be a better use of a person’s time than to get to know another human?

Seriously, what has more value than getting to know people better? If you’re just about visibility and quantity, then you’re a persona and not a person. Let’s change this. Let’s make the forums we enjoy being on truly personal.

I think by doing this we’ll put out more thoughtful content, more insightful looks into things and be a stronger social community. Don’t be surprised if I reach out to you to get to know you better. I will take the time because I know it matters and makes a difference.

I hope sharing something happening in my life sets an example of how we can get to know each other better !! Now, I have to go !! We’re heading over to Findlay, Ohio next to catch a basketball game. I can’t wait !!

Connecting !!

This week is truly a week I eagerly anticipate every year !! That is because I know when September rolls around, so does the annual Ohio State HR Conference !! I get excited because it’s a chance to break away from the day-to-day and be with my peers. I know this sounds HR Nerdish but I’m unapologetic about it.

The Conference has an intimate feel to it even though we’re approaching 900 attendees and 90+ vendors. The theme this year is “HR – Making Connections that Count” and I really dig the feel of this. The question is, will people step out and make connections?

One of the real challenges of HR is that we try to gut it out or go it alone. I don’t know when this trend where isolation is seen as a strength ever started, but it needs to end !! Ironically, there will be attendees who come to this great event (and others like it) and will do little to no connecting whatsoever. No connections with resource partners, no connections with peers and no connections with people who could make HR truly come alive for them !! Why is that?

I don’t think it’s a matter of introversion or extraversion. I think it’s a case of risk aversion !! I’m amazed how the folks who are in the field of HUMANS are so hesitant to meet others. Is it because we’re different and won’t have anything in common? Is it because someone will meet you and immediately ask you some insanely hard HR question, and if you don’t know the right answer, they’ll kick you out of HR ??

Then what is it? What continually keeps folks apart and not connecting?

I have a theory . . .

You see, I collect buttons. I have loads of them and they don’t follow any particular pattern or grouping. They range from Monty Python, to types of beer, to rock bands to hippie related ones, to classic cartoons, to HR ones, etc. Here’s a quick pic of just a few of my collection. I’m trying to organize them to show them off and enjoy them !!

So, what’s my theory? Just like the buttons we are a mix of a million different interests, emotions, ideas, insights, viewpoints and approaches. However, we either think others won’t find us interesting enough, or we think we won’t find people who share our interests. And that my friends is sad !!

I LOVE that we’re different !! How dreadfully boring would it be if we were all the same ?? Seriously.

So, I have a challenge for you this week. I plan to connect with every (EVERY) single attendee and vendor at the Conference. Not just meet them – connect with them. I want to learn about who they are and see how we can be resources to each other.

Your challenge is to meet one (1) new person this week and connect with them. I think that keeps things pretty balanced. If you’re one of the 900 attending #OHSHRM13, I’m geeked to see you, meet you and connect with you. Maybe . . . you’ll even be wearing a button !!

Load Your Quiver !!

Recenty a phenomenal effort to pull the HR blogging community came to a close – the HR Bloggers Network. It was the brainchild of Laurie Reuttimann and I was fortunate to be included in this effort.

The highlight for me in this was to be attached to a group of incredible HR pros who regularly offer great content to the broader HR community. I make sure to read each post these folks offer and utilize their wisdom, insight and advice in how I practice HR everyday !!

Too often, when people read your posts, they don’t take that next step to look at a blogroll or see what others are saying. I’m like most people and have my “faves,” but honestly, I try to take in as much information as possible because it allows me to be a better HR professional. One can never learn enough . . . ever !!

I have an approach that I’d like to share with you. I think HR people need to load their quiver. This way you have the arrows needed in order to protect yourself, hunt for new opportunities and attack those things that need to be addressed.

HR Blogs are a great way to load that quiver !! So, this week I want to break out the authors who made up the HR Blogger Network and make sure you know who they are, what their blog is about and where to find it. Please note that there are a myriad of other phenomenal HR bloggers out there, and I’m working on a way to feature them as well.

My goal is to reach the entire HR community !! I know that’s a huge goal, but we are only better by being more connected. Make sure to take this list of bloggers and share them with others. Don’t just read this post and stop. It’s time for us to arm everyone so that all our quivers are full !!

Now, the great folks (and friends) from the HR Blogger Network:

Laurie Ruettimann (@lruettimann on Twitter) – Social media pioneer who has an edgy look at our profession. Always dig that she makes me stretch !! Her blog is The Cynical Girl.

Bonni Titgemeyer (@BonniToronto on Twitter) – Founder of the Employment Opportunities List and the TEPHR community. Great voice on getting employment right !! Find her at The EO List.

Elizabeth Lalli-Reese (@TXStrategicHR on Twitter) – Keeping HR strategic is always a good thing and Elizabeth offers a ton of insight and perspective on how to do this. Her blog is Texas Strategic HR.

Lisa Rosendahl (@lisarosendahl on Twitter) – As an HR practitioner in the healthcare field, Lisa offers a grounded view on HR and on life !! You can find her blog at Lisa Rosendahl.

Ben Eubanks (@beneubanks on Twitter) – Ben is the present and future of HR !! He offers incredible resources for younger people in the field. His blog is aptly named Upstart HR.

Kimberly Patterson (@kimberly_patt on Twitter) – Kimberly truly takes a different look at HR. She is very passionate about what we do and wants to make sure that we look at all angles of what we do. Hence the blog title – UNconventional HR.

Joan Ginsberg (@JoanGinsberg on Twitter) – Joan is a truly genuine HR pro who always gives a genuine look at all that we do !! That’s why it makes sense that her blog is titled Just Joan.

Bill Boorman (@BillBoorman2 on Twitter) – Bill is a futurist and the driving force behind UNconferences literally around the globe. He’s always looking for what’s next. His blog is Norton Folgate – The Recruiting Unblog.

Lars Schmidt (@ThisIsLars on Twitter) – Lars is all about recruiting, innovation and talent. He’s a compelling force on making workplaces better. You can find him at Amplify Talent.

Melissa Fairman (@HrRemix on Twitter) – Melissa is a fellow HR practitioner who really has a solid handle on all facets of HR. Her advice is practical and applicable in all industries. Her blog looks to mix it up at HR reMix.

Jennifer McClure (@JenniferMcClure on Twitter) – Jennifer has a great grasp on recruiting and integrating HR strategically throughout an organization. She is contantly looking how to reach the HR community. Her blog is Unbridled Talent.

Victorio Milian (@Victorio_M on Twitter) – Victorio brings a cool vibe to all that he does. He offers a great perspective to recruiting issues and opportunities mixed in with a great musical taste !! Find him at Creative Chaos HR.

Jennifer V. Miller (@JenniferVMiller on Twitter) – Jennifer has a focus on all aspects of Leadership, and she gets it right !! Her insight is very applicable at all levels of an organization. Her blog answers The People-Equation.

Dan McCarthy (@greatleadership on Twitter) – Dan is another great voice in the Leadership arena. His focus on making us GREAT is phenonmenal – and needed. Connect with him on his blog Great Leadership.

Lance Haun (@thelance on Twitter) – Self-described “nut about Talent Management” and an avid NBA fan, Lance gives a broad perspective to all areas of talent in organizations. His blog is Life Between the Brackets.

Matthew Stollak (@akaBruno on Twitter) – Matthew is one of the few HR voices from academia. He is advancing the field and also training the folks of the future !! His insights can be found at True Faith HR.

Paul Hebert (@IncentIntel on Twitter) – Paul is one of the few solid, objective voices on the topic of recognition. He doesn’t pull punches because he believes in the value of lifting others up !! You can find him at Symbolist.

Robin Schooling (@RobinSchooling on Twitter) – Robin always has a great tale of experience from her career in HR. They are episodes that we all face at one time or another !! Learn from her at the HR Schoolhouse.

John Nykolaisyn (@CigarSPHR on Twitter) – John has a great background in both the hospitality and education arenas. He likes to keep things fresh and turn others “on their head” in the workplace !! His blog is Fast Food HR.

Ron Thomas (@ronald_thomas on Twitter) – Ron is currently an ex-pat working in a senior HR role in Saudi Arabia. He is a true global HR leader with an incredible look at all that HR does. You can find him at Strategy Focused HR.

Steve Boese (@SteveBoese on Twitter) – Steve is the strongest voice in HR Tech !! In fact, he’s heading up the HR Tech Conference starting this year. He also hosts the incredible HR Happy Hour blog radio show. Connect with him at Steve Boese’s HR Technology.

Tim Sackett (@TimSackett on Twitter) – Tim has a great viewpoint on HR in the field. His no nonsense approach is refreshing and challenging. His blog is at The Tim Sackett Project.

Shauna Moerke (@HR_Minion on Twitter) – Shauna offers a bright, fresh look on life and HR !! If you know her you’d see this is true from her infectious laugh to her healthy wit. Find her at HR Minion.

Tim Gardner (@TimJGardner on Twitter) – Tim brings a unique voice to the world of HR bloggers. A self-proclaimed introvert, Tim has a thoughtful, in-depth viewpoint every time he writes. His blog is perfectly titled The HR Introvert.

Going Deep !!

The majority of our days are spent with people in some form or fashion. In the workplace, you encounter people in many situations and often with different outcomes. Even though we spend the bulk of our time at work, we don’t really have “deep” relationships.

This isn’t bad. In fact, the reality taking relationships deeper at work can be tenuous. The dynamics in the workplace need balance in order for them to be effective. Collaboration comes from a healthy give and take with folks. You can have very close friends you work with, but I think that leaves a gap that most of us want filled.

Do you have folks you can “get real” with? Someone who really challenges you and makes you dissect your views, opinions, etc. to have you take time to be introspective. Someone who doesn’t automatically agree with you. If you don’t, you should.

Why do you need someone like this?

It’s necessary because the culture in most organizations strives for conformity. Conformity of thought, actions, appearance, etc. And, unfortunately, most HR people love this !! The least resistance makes our jobs comfortable. If people “fall in line,” then we think we’re being effective and doing our jobs.

The opposite is actually what should be our goal. One of my great friends who makes me go deep just reminded me – “If you’re comfortable, you’re not growing.” So true !! Having someone who you can bounce ideas off who isn’t in your organization is great because they don’t have the same filters and assumed culture that your workplace inherently has.

There are some key things to consider if you have someone to go deep with:

It has to be interactive and not one sided !! – This isn’t a forum or venue for someone to just be a sage, mentor or someone who espouses their opinions. This is dialogue. You both have to press each other.
It has to be intentional !! – You can set time aside to have conversations, but make sure it’s top of mind and timely. This isn’t a therapy session. It’s a chance to lock horns with someone when you need to hit them up. Also, anything goes in these interactions. You have to understand that you’re trying to be stretched here, but that it’s still safe.
It has to be genuine !! – Whenever I have these conversations, it’s raw, passionate and direct. You never hear catch phrases or HRspeak – EVER !! In fact, it’s how most people would love to express themselves in companies if they could. You know that you can be open with the others involved because they have this expectation as well.
It has to be limited !! – I would limit the number of folks you engage in deep conversations. Why? Most people won’t do it well. That’s a real shame, but most won’t take the time or really dive in when they talk. People want to keep things at the surface level which is cool. But, it also never fills the gap to stretch beyond your norms.

So, this week, if you don’t have someone you can go deep with, find somone. If you have someone, give them a ring to talk to them. This goes beyond electronic forms of communication and demands a relationship. Trust me. If you get a few of these folks around you, you will become the businessperson that your Company truly wants around !!