Tag: Approach

The 1st Pitch

On Sunday, I had both a life-affirming and a life-changing moment. I went to the Cincinnati Reds game to see a dear friend throw out the 1st pitch. Now, if you’re a sports fan at all, this is a bucket list item for most men. We grow up watching games and fantasize about taking the mound in front of a packed stadium waiting to “bring it” with a strike right across the plate.

Getting to see a friend have this opportunity would have been reason enough to go to the game. The story about the amazing man and his current situation makes it even more substantial. John and I have known each other for several years. Our kids are all around the same age, and we saw each other at school events from elementary school through high school. We were both also adult leaders in Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts. Two of his sons were in the Troop where I was Scoutmaster for a few years and I loved seeing them and getting to spend time with John. On top of our paths crossing at school and scouting, John’s family lives a few blocks away from me. We’d see each other wandering around the streets on neighborhood walks and make sure to catch up every time.

John and I are also connected by two other important facets of our lives. We are both men of faith and we have shared how that is a driver of who we are as humans because it easily melded with our shared profession. You see, John and I are peers who both work in HR.

So, when I received the sobering news in 2022 that my friend had been diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease), I was floored. It was hard for me to come to terms with this because John is one of the most approachable, friendly, encouraging, thoughtful, funny, and loving people I know. To receive the news of having a terminal disease ran contrary to the life that John willingly exudes with all he encounters.

The game on Sunday was to recognize Lou Gehrig Day throughout Major League Baseball. John shared several months ago that he was going to be the person throwing out the 1st pitch on this day. Everyone in the neighborhood who knows the family made plans to make sure they were there to watch and support John. A few weeks ago, John posted that his legs had been weakening as his condition progressed. I was wondering and praying that he’d be healthy enough to complete his dream.

As I entered the stadium with my daughter and family friends, Melanie said,
“There’s Mr. Barlow !!” I looked over and saw Ann and the kids (now adults) all huddled together and John in his wheelchair. I left my crew to go over in the hope of seeing him. I caught Ann’s attention first and gave her a rich hug. I worked over to John and his face lit up, as it does with everyone, when he saw me.

“Steve !! Just a second.” He slowly reached down and folded the footrest up and he stood. His arms spread wide and we embraced deeply and held each other. He leaned back and said, “I love you. You need to know that.”

I told him I loved him too, and how glad I was to see him and be there for the big event. He told me his plan was to shake off the sign that his son Thomas was going to give him before throwing his pitch. I told him that was perfect and I couldn’t wait to see it. John thanked me for coming and even said, “I knew you’d be here.”

I grabbed his hand tightly one more time, walked away, and wept. He didn’t see it and I know he wouldn’t have minded if he did. John has seen me weep often when talking about, or with, people I care for. My daughter knew I was going to be emotional. We went down to our seats and had a first-row view of John.

The stadium announcer gave a warm introduction of John and his family and he eagerly drove his wheelchair up to the top of the pitcher’s mound with two of his three sons. His third son took his place as catcher. The crowd was on their feet cheering with all they had. John stood, bent over to get his sign, shook it off, stood mightily, and threw the pitch. It made its way to home plate and was spot on. The cheers were resounding even louder for him after the pitch !!

He made his way off the field and the first thing he did was hug his wife Ann. He waved to the friends and family who came to see him succeed. The whole scenario couldn’t have been more perfect.

We stayed for the game and the Reds lost to the dreaded Cubs, but that didn’t seem to matter. Being there for my friend did.

John doesn’t know how many more days he’ll have of good health or even life. Honestly, neither do we. We do, however, have the ability to choose how we will face this life for the time we have it. I want to choose life as John has. In the midst of all he’s facing, he is upfront with his faith, present for his family, shares gratitude for every experience he has, and looks for the best in everyone. It’s not a show or an act. It’s who he is.

As I said at the beginning of this piece, today was life-affirming because of the time I had to talk with my dear friend before his adventure. It was also life-changing because it gave me perspective on how life can be full, rich, meaningful, and unapologetically filled with love and joy.

May that be true for anyone who reads this. Embrace life. Embrace each other. Weep at times. Laugh always. Each day has meaning. Make that happen on purpose and take the mound !!

Be Still

Whenever I get the opportunity to speak in front of a room of HR and business professionals, I need to do something to capture their attention. That’s because if given the chance, they’ll be staring at one screen or another. It may be their laptop or their phone. It doesn’t really matter. The pull and allure of each device are so strong that we’ve all become mentally and emotionally attached to them. Sound harsh? It should because it’s what has happened to every person (including me.)

The voices in our heads tell us that we must stay eternally connected because if we don’t, we’re sure to miss something. I’m not being critical just observational. We don’t break away – and honestly don’t want to. When canvassing the presentation attendees each person is burdened because of the busyness they find themselves in. It’s all-encompassing and it seems like there is no exit. Instead of finding a needed respite, we take on more and more tasks and commitments adding to the crushing weight we already carry.

Whenever we do try to step back and rest, we feel guilty and tell ourselves that if we don’t jump back in quickly then “things” won’t get done. We’re not entirely clear what those “things” are, but we are confident they will remain undone. We don’t really know if that’s true or not because we’re not patient enough to find out. It’s a vicious cycle.

Lately, I’ve been more reflective and intentional to not fall into this trap any longer. It’s not that I want to avoid getting things done. Far from it. However, feeling compelled to be on the go constantly isn’t healthy mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or physically. I heard a person recently state that people find that “low-grade exhaustion is the new normal.” That’s encouraging, isn’t it ?? I have a feeling that you can relate to this even while you’re reading this.

What can we do? How can we make time for ourselves to rest and disconnect? What will happen to the myriad of tasks, deadlines, and mountains of work and activity if we dare break our pattern? It’s a two-word answer.

Be Still.

It’s not more complicated than that, but the discipline and faith to make this a reality takes true effort. Whenever you try to move in this direction, the pull to stay entrapped is great. However, once you do accomplish this breakthrough, the benefits are immense. I don’t want to be prescriptive or suggest a step-by-step model that surely will work for each of you. I think this approach is ineffective.

Being still is a cognizant step to breaking your current life pattern with the assurance it will work. You’ll have to trust me that it does. I now take time to be still regularly. I don’t try to fill this space with something else. I just simply take a break to calm myself, focus on the environment and people around me, and relax. Stopping the maddening pace of life gives me peace. I find that having this practice built into my days has actually rejuvenated me.

Now, I have more energy, joy, and time (yes, time) because I refuse to keep running at a breakneck pace. Being still has also cleared my thoughts enough that when the next challenge or conflict is at my doorstep, I’m in a better mental space to address it.

This week break away. This week don’t keep fighting to stay afloat. This week refuse to keep running. This week . . . Be Still.

I Just Need a Stick !!

Life is complicated. We don’t want it to be but it is. If we had our way, we’d eliminate all of the challenges and obstacles we could. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

One of the areas of our lives that compounds this feeling of endless complications is work. Ironically, the place where we spend the most time during our waking hours is layered, convoluted, and nearly impossible to navigate. An additional impediment is people. Seriously. We are all carrying our own bundle of complexity. If you do the math and try to calculate just how intertwined work is, you’d need to use the following formula.

Take the number of people working in a department + the number of responsibilities they have + the distractions we all experience that keep us from our jobs + the infinite number of interruptions and unknowns and finally add the factor of everyone having different priorities. That comes out to one “normal” day.

It’s no wonder people feel frustrated and stuck. Honestly, it’s also fairly astonishing we get anything done. Thankfully, people have learned how to find a path that works most of the time and we’re good with that. In the midst of all of the activity occurring around us and the activity we’re trying to do, work happens (sort of). There’s another factor that aggravates this situation and all of the great people doing their best to perform. Instead of simplifying the work we have on our plate, we offer solutions which only add and add and add and . . .

I was having lunch this past week with a co-worker and we were talking about how we have people who are sinking in quicksand. Every time they try to address one situation it seems like ten more pop out of nowhere. It’s exponential and never-ending. We started our conversation like many that have happened before when we tried to assess what was happening when my co-worker just stopped. He paused, took a deep breath, and said the most astute thing I’ve heard in ages. “Steve, they just need a stick. They’re sinking and we keep coming up with multiple approaches and potential solutions when all they want is a stick to get them out of the quicksand.”

I sat there stunned. He was on point. It’s astonishing that the simple answers always seem to elude us. We’re as caught up in the many hairballs of work as anyone else. We should come up with the simple option, but we forget that simple is hard. So, here’s a way to offer a stick to our good folks who truly want to do good work.

S – Simplify. We don’t have to continually keep layering work. It takes more discipline to simplify work, but it is worth the time and effort. Strip away steps which pull people further into the weeds.

T – Talk to folks. You need to talk to your people about how they feel and where they feel stuck. Without assessing what they think they’re facing, you’re just going to come up with an approach that will be another burden to handle.

I – Intentionality. We often skirt around the edges of situations instead of being respectfully direct. We fool ourselves into thinking that people will arrive at conclusions if we just hint at what should be done. It has never worked. Be intentional to reach your people.

C- Change. At some point we need to get out of the cul-de-sac of coming up with the next best thing because someone will say, “Well, what if . . .” Change is a constant. Figure out when you’re close enough and then step into the change needed.

K – Keep at it. Work is a continuum and as soon as you get someone unstuck, there is sure to be someone else who has found their pit of quicksand. This is somewhat daunting, but being diligent and agile works against the trap of being stagnant.

This week take a look around and see who’s sinking. When you find them, fight the urge to create the next best system and procedure. Pause. Breathe. Then offer them a stick !!

The Art of Giving

This is a time of year when people feel the urge to give to others. I love that this is the case !! I know that the holidays aren’t only about gift-giving. Trust me. At the same time, I appreciate any time people pause to think of others. If the holidays provide an environment for people to be more selfless and less focused on themselves, then I’m in.

I enjoy shopping for my wife because I am so grateful for her and it’s fun to get her something that matters from her wish list. She has traditionally taken care of our kids and does an amazing job. She is always equitable in who gets what and is also thoughtful. Our kids (adults) are older now, so there is less quantity and far more meaningful quality. In fact, my kids have adopted the practice of only getting me gifts that make me weepy. It’s a fairly low threshold, but it’s something I cherish.

At work, we traditionally do food drives, coat drives and pick a charity to support families with felt needs. We give our employees an opportunity to chip in, but there isn’t an expectation of mandatory participation. Inevitably, the giving is overflowing, and the amount of donations is humbling and overwhelming. You hear a general hum of positivity fill the hallways more this time of year and there is less grousing about the challenges of work.

Our exec group has had a practice of giving each other gifts which started years ago. We spend so much time together throughout each year and it’s a cool way to let your co-workers know they’re on your heart. A few people give the same things annually and it’s fun knowing these treats are coming. This past week, however, I was taken aback by two gifts I received.

Quick explanation . . .

I am a GIANT fan of all things Ted Lasso. I love the show and feel it may be the best HR show ever made without directly being about HR. In the show, Ted makes biscuits for his boss every day. So, to get a package of Ted Lasso sayings, a towel with the recipe for the biscuits, AND actual biscuits to try was so wonderful !! (NOTE: The biscuits are sooooooooo delicious. I would recommend you make some yourself. I plan to !!)

The other gift was a print filled with a montage of items from my hometown of Ada, Ohio. If you know me at all, you know that being from Ada means the world to me. I spent the most formative years of school there, and it will always be a place I will be connected to throughout my life.

I wanted you to have more of an explanation of these gifts because they reflect the art of what giving can do. Giving causes us to pause and think of others on purpose. It stops the pattern people have of primarily thinking about themselves and their needs first and foremost. Giving also shows your heart and opens you to be more vulnerable and open with people.

The art of giving should be a pattern of our lives year-round. We are all surrounded by people who have needs. Most need to be given the gift of time and acknowledgment. You can let them know they matter in who they are and what they contribute. Others may want the gift of attention. A time when they receive your entire focus without distraction. No phones, laptops, or screens. You are “there” when they are there.

You will also come across those who may be facing challenges, trials, or periods of a larger need. See how you can step in. You may have resources yourself or you can connect them with others who can lend a hand.

It’s imperative we all learn, and embrace the art of giving. Imagine how our workplaces, our neighborhoods, and the world would look if we did !!

The Sun Still Rises

This Thanksgiving my wife, mother, and I visited my brother Mark in Knoxville, Tennessee. My sister-in-law Kathi’s parents also joined in as well as my three nephews and their families. It was a joy to be able to hang out together for a few days.

My brother and I have always been close. We are both tall, have a boisterous laugh, and we love being together. I cherished it when we lived closer to each other because we would make time to see one another. The moment we embraced this past week, it instantly melted the distance and miles away. It was just a few minutes before we started cracking up with laughter.

My brother has been very successful personally and professionally. I’ve always been proud of all he’s accomplished. As many similarities as we have, there is one difference that stands out. I’ve lived in the same house with my immediate family since 1991. My brother has not. His jobs have taken him all over the Midwest and the South. Most recently, he left the confines of suburbia to move to the country and land on a sprawling 10-acre plot.

It’s a wonderful piece of land that has boundaries of trees around three sides. You can wander for hours and hours in the woods and get lost in your thoughts. He and Kathi were intentional in clearing the land to have an unobstructed view of the Great Smoky Mountains in the distance. It’s truly breathtaking. One of the daily highlights of this view is how the sunrise occurs.

I made sure to wake up early every day to go out to the back porch to enjoy a hot cup of coffee, read my Bible, and practice my German. The additional benefit was that I was greeted by the sun rising magnificently over the mountains. The light first started by changing the hue of the sky. Brilliant colors shot across the horizon, and it’s as if a switch was then flipped on as the sun broke over the mountains in the distance.

I took pictures each morning so I could capture what I saw, and refer to them after I left. I wanted the reminder because I think we need to remember the sun still rises every day.

Too often, we are consumed with every possible distraction that frames our basic day. We get buried by so many things we forget to look up. We miss the awe of what a sunrise brings. How would your day go if the first thing you did was have your breath taken away? I think it would be drastically better !!

We also have an opportunity to be a sunrise for others. If they missed the light breaking over the horizon, then we could provide that spark that breaks through any darkness or despair threatening to swallow them. We can’t afford to forget the daily sunrise. We just can’t.

This week pause before rushing out the door or heading to your laptop. You have the time. You truly do. Start the day looking up toward the horizon. Take a deep breath and start your day with awe. It’s worth the time to remember the sun still rises.

One Good Shot

This weekend I participated in an event I enjoy but don’t do very often. Our church had a golf scramble for anyone who wanted to jump in. I own some golf clubs but they are far from a championship set. I’ve used them for several years when I’m called upon to be in an outing for work, a charity, or just for fun. I’ve gone with some friends for a couple of rounds too, but they are few and far between.

We had four foursomes and my group went first. It included my dear friend Bob and the Rice brothers – Dave and James. My three teammates were more confident and accomplished than I was. I enjoy golf because you get to be outside for several hours mixed with conversations, laughter, and camaraderie. You see, I don’t go golfing with people who are highly competitive or take the game too seriously. That’s not because I don’t think you should approach the game that way, but I know my limitations and I just frustrate those types of players.

It’s been over two years since I pulled out my clubs. I actually took them to the garage and had to brush the dust off of them. I wasn’t even sure I had enough golf balls because I was sure to scatter some off one side of the course or another. I knew the day was going to go well when I discovered a windbreaker that was tucked away in my golf bag that I thought I had lost !! I know that has nothing to do with performing on the course, but it was at least one win for the day.

We did well off the first tee and all four of us had shots that went towards the hole. Then . . .

Let’s just say the remainder of the round was more of an adventure than trying to place among the top teams. If you’re a golfer, the goal is to shoot under par. The winning team shot 6 under par and our team was, well, 12 over par. I wasn’t discouraged though because we spent so much time enjoying being with each other.

There was one other thing that people hope for when they hit the links. On one of the holes where you can get the longest drive, I crushed my tee shot. If faded to the right but landed just on the fringe of the fairway and therefore counted in the contest. I had one good shot. It was the kind of shot that gives you the encouragement to tell yourself you should continue to play golf once again. My massive stroke only lasted for mere moments because a player in the next foursome outdrove me.

Isn’t that astonishing? Is it that simple?

Yes, it is. Having a small success is far more impactful than a series of failures. We focus far more on our shortcomings than our successes and I think we should turn that around. If you have “one good shot,” there’s an opportunity to have another one, then another, and then another.

This week take a look for your small successes and then build on them. At the same time, look for the good shots others make as well. Over time, you’ll see that you are far more accomplished than you ever thought !!

Stop Catastrophizing !!

I’ve mentioned before that my wife and I are empty nesters. We enjoy this stage in our lives because it’s given us the freedom to do more things as a couple while also staying connected to our kids. Looking back over the years, we made sure to invest time and attention in each of our kids knowing someday we’d be living in different places.

What’s ironic though is that when we get a phone call from Josh or Melanie, our first thought isn’t positive. When their name pops up on the screen, our minds automatically come up with a multitude of potential situations. Each one is worse than the prior one. You can feel your pulse and blood pressure elevate just a bit and you clench as you hit the “answer” button. Nine times out of ten the conversation is positive and even a bit benign. They’re just checking in.

All of the years of investing time in having relationships with our kids have paid off. That doesn’t change the sinking feeling of a potential catastrophe looming around the corner. Now, you need to take note that we don’t want something horrible to happen when we chat. It’s the last thing we’d want. So, why do we catastrophize something that should be positive? How would we respond if the call wasn’t positive and something dire was truly facing our kids?

Humans are unfortunately built to assume the worst is possible. It doesn’t matter if it’s a parent/child interaction or a work encounter. Our minds jump to a catastrophic level just in case something does present itself in the worst possible way. How sad is that? We’ve become so used to catastrophizing the potential outcome of meeting with others that it’s become our norm. That just shouldn’t be the case.

What steps could we take to not expect the worst is inevitably going to occur? The first thing is to intentionally have the discipline to see the positive aspect of every engagement we have with others. Develop a mindset that the best is going to occur. This simple step of going into conversations expecting something positive is a good start.

Secondly, believe that people have good intentions first. Understand that others want to avoid catastrophic thinking just as much as you do. Even if you’re the only one assuming positive intent, it’s better than both parties assuming the worst.

Finally, live in the moment. I don’t mean to belittle the future. Not in the least. I am a person who eagerly looks forward expecting good things. Being in the moment though allows you to focus on what’s in front of you. It also keeps you in the best frame of mind if something is bad or catastrophic. As humans, we respond when a crisis is upon us better than we do facing our regular day-to-day patterns.

We shouldn’t need our circumstances to hit a crisis level in order for us to act. It’s not healthy or sustainable. Think about it for a moment. If we only feel comfortable acting when the worst truly is what we’re facing, then we’re living with a constant catastrophic mindset !!

This week, make the change to be positive, and believe the best is going to happen with every conversation you have with every person that crosses your path. You’ll be pleasantly surprised how easily your day goes by with few bumps when fewer negative thoughts take up space. Stop catastrophizing and expect the best !!

The Beauty of Discipline

As I compose this post, I am blissfully exhausted. That’s because I spent another weekend working at our daughter’s house. This time it wasn’t due to the age of her house resulting in another repair to modernize the 105-year-old beauty. Now, we’re on to making the interior of her house her own. That, of course, means painting.

Quick aside – I love to paint rooms !! I really do. It’s a great workout and I can get lost in the activity and wonderment of adding a new color to the walls. I usually isolate myself, turn on a Spotify playlist, and zone out. I don’t mind the mess, the clean-up or the level of taping and/or difficulty. The only thing I dread painting is ceilings. Ugh. They are the worst !! Guess what we painted this weekend . . . ceilings.

Not only were we going to tackle ceilings, we had to disassemble three ceiling fans and five of the seven rooms had textured ceilings. (Can you hear the screams which happened in my head ??) To make sure we were prepared, we referenced the number one resource available to one and all – YouTube. Thank goodness we did. Did you know that you need to use the roller in one direction instead of pulling it back and forth when you paint a textured ceiling? I never did. If you paint them like you’d paint a wall, the texture can become too heavy and pull away from the ceiling. Eek !!

We also saw how to use a paint screen in your 5-gallon bucket so you don’t have to lug a paint pan around. The next challenge was about my approach and had nothing to do with a method of painting. I’m not a very focused person. I tend to have a multitude of thoughts and ideas swimming in my head at all times. There’s usually some musical tune resonating as well. That is my normal. Put this reality to painting white paint on a white, textured ceiling. It was so difficult to see what areas I had covered and which parts I may have missed.

I realized I was making little progress so I did something completely against my nature. I paused, took a deep breath and decided to use a disciplined approach. I looked at the ceiling in sections and then made sure that each stroke of the roller (in one direction) slightly overlapped the next one. It seemed to be tedious to my normally frenetic brain, but it worked. Methodically, I worked down the family room and completed the first coat. Moving into the dining room I felt more confident understanding that discipline was going to be the key to becoming more efficient. And, it was !!

Most HR pros don’t view the word “discipline” positively. It’s the tar pit we find ourselves in when we have to address the behavior of someone. It’s usually not positive behavior either. Because of the negative implications of the word and the work of disciplining others, I never like hearing the word. This is a mistake because having discipline is much different than having to discipline someone.

So, I’d like to throw this challenge out to my HR peers. Let’s embrace the beauty of discipline so we can “coat” the landscape and environments we work in. By having a steady sense of movement we’d find ourselves moving forward far more than we would be stuck in the negativity of the profession. What do you say? I think it’s worth the effort. Let’s see what happens !!

By the way, I finished all the ceilings and had a fabulous weekend with our daughter.

The Entire Catalog

This weekend I had a ton of yardwork facing me. I relish time in the yard even though it wears me out. I always make sure to have music playing as my work accompaniment. It helps pass the time and I love having tunes constantly playing most of my days. My phone was acting a bit wonky before I headed out so I pulled out my old, yet reliable, iPod. Yes, iPod.

I’ve had a classic iPod for almost 20 years. Sure, it’s old school, but it still works. One other great thing about it is that its music I enjoy. I know that these days you can stream the music you enjoy and make your own channels. Trust me, if it involves music, I’m on top of it. One of the differences with storage units like iPods is that you can load an artist’s entire catalog onto it.

Years ago when people had to purchase albums, tapes, or CDs they usually bought a complete collection of songs. You could get singles but I rarely did. I wanted to take in everything an artist created. It gave me a broader picture of their vision and talent. There were some “misses” on these pieces of work, but somehow they seem to fit the picture as well. When albums and CDs were the choices you had to get music, I would work on purchasing everything artists recorded. I enjoyed the hits that were usually in the tracks, but I also loved the deeper cuts that few listened to.

The longer I was in the yard, the more songs played. I heard a variety as it randomly chose one tune after another. I was able to add 12,449 songs to my iPod before Apple decided to no longer support their once popular music system. I had more albums and CDs to add, but it is no longer supported. But I digress . . .

I was able to think and let my mind drift during my tasks and the endless flow of music made me think of “talent” in our organizations. You see, I think we are making a few mistakes as we look to add people to our companies. We all look for rock stars and I’m sure we have some success in doing so. However, when we source, recruit, interview, and eventually hire people, we only ask for and look for, a person’s “greatest hits.”

It’s how we write our job descriptions and it’s how we frame the gauntlet for people to get through in order to join us. We only scratch the surface of who these people are and what their capabilities truly are. Digging too far into those deep cuts takes too much time. Something we convince ourselves that we just don’t have. The pressure to find people in an ongoing talent shortage takes precedence over fully considering someone.

It doesn’t stop us from adding people. The problem with only looking for people based on their greatest hits is that those wear out and they get stagnant because they’ve stopped creating new material. This brings us to our second miss . . . we stop thinking of people as “talent” once they’re hired. Even the term we use is talent acquisition which means that acquiring is key. Odd isn’t it? Shouldn’t we look at people as talented all of the time?

I think we can change this narrative if we decide to hire people and their entire catalog !! That means valuing their strengths, understanding where and how they can grow, and how they can be aligned to contribute over a longer period of time. During the time they work with us, you’re sure to get some great hits from them. They may even have enough to build their own greatest hits album from their efforts. Wouldn’t that be amazing ??

It’s time for us not to only ask people to bring their whole selves to work. It’s time for us to engage, elevate and embrace their full talent from the time they join us until the time they leave. The organization has an obligation to create a culture that is holistic and expects people to be able to play every track they’ve recorded. It will make our companies and our team members richer. Make sure you’re tapping into the entire catalog of the talented people around you !!

(The track on the screen in the picture is from the album The River in Reverse by Elvis Costello and Allen Toussaint. Here’s the tune so you can enjoy a deep cut from a catalog of one of my favorite artists !!)

Dump Your Bucket

My wife and I are very fortunate. We have a solid relationship with our kids. One of the things I’ve worked on with them over the years is that I’m always available as an outlet. It doesn’t matter the timing, the subject matter, or how “big” of an issue it is to them. This has resulted in some very emotional conversations over the years. They involve a mixture of tears, raised voices, and sometimes some “colorful” language. I never get upset when these convos pop up because I want them to know they have a safe outlet to help them work through the various ups and downs of life. They know that they can dump their bucket with me.

The key to making this work is to not automatically jump to potential solutions. We’re wired to try and solve whatever is presented to us within moments. Too often, we don’t even allow sentences to be completed before we start offering options to work through whatever is presented to us. Ironically, we think that is being helpful and why someone sought us out in the first place. That is so far from the case, but it’s our typical response. This “jump to a conclusion” approach is so limiting and narrow, but it is what we lead with. This is most likely because, if we were honest with each other, we just want to solve and move on.

We feel that people are worth our time and attention only if we can provide the expertise to pull them through the situations they find themselves in. In turn, this gives us a great, warm feeling because we convince ourselves we’ve been such a critical help. I don’t want to seem that there isn’t value in these interactions. The majority of business is conducted with these solution-based snippets with little to no depth or context expected.

Because we don’t take time to let people dump their buckets, you’ll find that their buckets start leaking. People want to have that safe outlet at work. They don’t want to continue to walk around feeling like they’re about to burst. The question to ask organizationally is – Are we willing to do this? There is a risk in allowing people to dump their buckets, but it’s a risk worth taking.

Whenever I am available for my kids, I know the release they experience helps them clear their heads, balance their emotions and work through a path toward resolution. The release is what is needed more than any solution. It’s a much healthier method to try than letting the pressure and stress build up over time. I’ve been there when my kids start leaking. It’s not pretty. They don’t enjoy it and neither do those around them.

This past year, our company has been upfront that we’d like people to have the ability to dump their buckets when needed. It’s been quite the journey and we’ve had some bumps and stumbles along the way. However, it’s been the most freeing cultural shift we’ve ever embarked on. Please don’t think that it’s a constant dumpfest with people grousing all the time. It’s just the opposite. Now we have more constructive conversations because people have had the ability to clear the air and their heads before jumping into the old quick solution pattern. We’ve seen more context, more shared perspectives, and healthier relationships. It’s been needed and it was sitting right in front of us all the time.

I’ve found that more and more of my time leading HR is making sure that people are dumping their buckets. I’m not always the person involved in the conversations, but I am making sure they’re happening. It’s such a valuable use of my time because enabling these sessions to occur is making people healthier, and it puts them in a better position to perform.

This week start looking around at those you work with. How are their buckets? I’m sure they’re overflowing and even leaking a bit. See what you can do. Figure out how to set an environment where bucket dumping can happen. Put on your wading boots and see the great things that lie ahead !!