Category: Human Resources

HR Can Be Cool

On the eve of the college football national championship, I felt I needed to share a story from the first university in the State of Ohio – my alma mater, Ohio University !!

When I was a student at OU, I went all in. I’m not kidding. I went to every sporting event and did every activity in my dorm. I made sure to spend time in the downtown area with my fellow students, and I checked out several groups to get involved with. I was the first person from my hometown to attend OU in many, many years. When I arrived on campus, I had no friends or connections. I went in cold. Instead of fretting about this, I chose to reach out to meet as many other students as I could with the hope of anchoring with at least a few of them.

I was fortunate to be at a dorm that both fit me and my mission. James Hall was an all male freshmen only dorm. The fellow residents were from all over the United States and the world. I was thrown into an instant pool of diversity and it was magnificent. One of the main reasons my transition to college went so smoothly was my Resident Assistant (RA), Bob. I had never met someone who was so chill, calm and cool. Nothing ever seemed to rattle him. He was a junior and had been working in dorms for two years.

Bob treated everyone with respect and allowed most of us to have a pretty wide berth when it came to how he viewed the dorm rules. He felt rules were needed, but he also wanted us to have the full college experience. He knew we were young and were trying to figure out what life was like on our own. I made sure to spend a ton of time with Bob. He kept his door open every night. He welcomed anyone into his room at almost any hour. He never seemed put out by any visitor.

As my freshman year progressed, Bob approached me and encouraged me to become an RA myself. He shared with me the pros and cons as he had seen them. He thought I had the makeup to be someone who could be a shepherd for others just like he had been for me. I took him up on his suggestion and applied to become a Resident Assistant. There was a series of interviews and then an excruciating waiting process. There were no cell phones or email back when I entered this gauntlet.

After about a month, I received the good news that I had been chosen to be an RA. That was the first hurdle, and the next one was waiting to see where you’d be assigned. You could put your first, second and third choices on your application but that didn’t guarantee much. I wanted to be like Bob and be an RA in James Hall. I wanted to work with freshmen to help them make the same transitions Bob helped all of us with.

We didn’t hear anything before the school year ended, and the anticipation was awful. Two weeks after going home for the summer break, I received notice that I got my first choice. I was going to be an RA in James Hall. I was ecstatic !! I returned to OU about a month early for training, team building and prep time to get my floor section ready for the next incoming class of freshmen. This time was encouraging, supportive and allowed me to build a network of peers across the university campus.

Once my “guys” came to school for their first year, I was ready to go. I followed Bob’s example and shared my expectations of each of them. I explained the “rules” and closed with the guidance that if you stayed within the parameters, you’d have no problems. If you were blatant in your behavior outside those parameters, I would address it. That was it. Simple. Broad. Effective.

I made sure to make time to meet and get to know the 30 gentlemen in my section. Some of them warmed up to knowing their RA and others wanted to be left alone. It all worked for me. The ones who chose to be closer enjoyed the university, did well in their classes and made other connections fairly easily. Many of the students who wanted to remain distant didn’t make it through their freshman year. That crushed me but their engagement was their choice.

As with any job, you were part of a team. My fellow RAs were an eclectic bunch. Some of them were enjoying their job and others thought it was daunting, miserable and their section was full of awful people. That wasn’t the case. THEY were the ones who struggled and they projected this onto their students. While we were at a staff meeting a few months in, one of the other RAs asked me, “How can you stay so cool all the time?” I didn’t have a great answer. I explained that I wanted to be the person who watched over my section, help students where they needed it, hope they enjoyed being at OU and James Hall, and watch them grow up. Most of them shook their heads in disbelief because they didn’t see how they could follow this approach.

A few weeks passed and then something odd was taped to my dorm room door. It was a comic strip called “The Adventures of Cool Steve.” One of my fellow RAs had drawn it. Everyone wondered how I’d take it, and . . . . I LOVED IT !! Seriously, how could I not? I was humbled and touched. They were very funny. It actually brought my guys together as well as those throughout the dorm. Kevin, the artist RA, kept adding strips on a weekly basis. People waited for the next one to come out.

After several months, he asked the Director of the dorm for permission to make a mural. The strip had become so popular that he sketched it out and painted a mural of Cool Steve on the wall between my room and one of my next door residents. This was bold because dorms are so transient. I was floored by this !! Our sophomore year wrapped up and I asked to be reassigned to my room, section and James Hall for my junior year. The school approved.

My third year in James Hall was even better than the prior two. I became VERY close with all of my residents. Many of this group became lifelong friends. I did make a switch to become an Assistant Director of the Graduate Student dorm during my senior year. It was time to move on from James Hall, but the new one I worked in was still close by on West Green. When I was getting ready to graduate, the “kids” from my junior year made sure Cool Steve would go with me.

They knew that my mural would be painted over by the new staff who had no idea who Cool Steve was. So, they took one of the bathroom doors and drew the mural for me. It made its way to me when we went out for dinner the last month before graduation. I was moved once again.

(Quick note: The bathrooms in the dorm were being remodeled with new fixtures and doors, so it was okay that my guys had procured mine.)

This great story is now almost 40 years old. As I look back on it, little did I know that the approach from Bob and my time as an RA was actually a training ground for how I’ve practiced HR throughout my career. I learned how to see people for who they are, meet them where they are, and expect the best from them. It is okay to be cool and still practice HR in a meaningful and productive way.

This week, step back and reflect. If someone described your style and approach, what would they say? I recommend you do what you can to make HR cool. It works !!

Meet Me Where I Am

It’s hard to believe that I’m inching closer and closer to two milestones in my career. I’m moving towards my 19th year with my current employer and in a little over a year I will have been in HR for 40 years !! Neither one of these things seems even feasible. I’m not stating these as some foreboding “end of the line” post, far from it. I’m still as geeked and eager to see HR continue to grow and thrive as when I did starting out decades ago. Probably even more so.

There was an HR Chat that was recently rekindled on the new BlueSky platform that is based in the UK. It’s called the “HR Hour” and I love it. It follows a simple format – two questions over one hour. You’d think there’d be giant gaps of silence, but that’s not the case at all. The conversation and dialogue is rich and diverse.

This past week when they kicked things off after a short hiatus, they started with the question – “How has HR changed over the past 25 years?”

I jumped in to share immediately since I had some observations and I also had worked through that entire time period. After the hour of chatting drew to a close, I remembered when I first started in my current role . . .

I work for a regional pizzeria that is truly an iconic institution. We celebrated our 70th anniversary in 2024 which is a rarity in the restaurant industry. We continue to be vibrant, viable, and growing. When I first joined, many of my HR peers pulled me aside and said, “Are you sure? HR in restaurants isn’t easy. There’s a ton of turnover and people stuff that happens.”

I didn’t have any HR peers who also worked in the restaurant industry at that time. I was a bit perplexed that others were more discouraging than encouraging. I hadn’t even started !! I’ve never been a person who feels compelled to go just from others’ opinions. I’d much rather dive in and make my own experiences, and then decide what an environment is/isn’t.

My new boss may have sensed some uncertainty when I started. You see, I was an outlier. The vast majority of the corporate staff had grown up within the company. I was an outside hire which has been the exception rather than the rule for our organization. He gave me an odd set of directions to follow when I began. He said, “I want you to listen to everyone for three months. I don’t want you to bring me ideas or suggestions for change. I just want you to observe and get to know folks at our pizzerias, our manufacturing plant ,and our call center. Make yourself available. That’s all.”

I’ll be honest, this was the most unique approach I had ever had. Even though I was a bit skeptical when I started, he held true to his instructions. We’d check in with each other on a weekly basis, and he’d ask me about who I’d met and what I’d seen so far. Once the three-month timeframe passed, he asked me for my ideas. He started with, “Okay, Steve, now that you’ve been watching, what would you change?”

I responded with a story . . .

I told him that while I visited the pizzerias I saw a change occur over time. When I first started to visit, I’d hear managers and team members say, “Shhh, that’s the HR guy from corporate.” It was disappointing that this was the initial response I received. However, I’m sure it was earned over time. If you know me at all, whenever I’ve received this type of greeting, I jump right in. I don’t let people have this kind of relationship with me or with HR.

I walked into the midst of folks and did something radical . . .

I’d say, “Hi there. My name’s Steve. What’s yours?”

That was it. I didn’t bring up my role, or my title or mention anything that alluded to any sense of “authority.” I just made sure to get around and meet each person. Every. One. After I’d get their name, I’d ask what they did and how long they’d been with LaRosa’s. Then I’d ask about their lives. Some shared and some didn’t. During every encounter, I never talked about my HR role. I’d share stories about my family and would answer any questions I received. I felt it was more important to get to know people for who they were.

My boss concurred with my approach and encouraged me. He liked what I chose to do. I explained that I have always felt more comfortable meeting people where they are vs. where I expected them to be. Each person is unique and comes from a different background and place in life. Acknowledging them for who they are connected me more effectively than trying to establish myself from some corporate position.

It worked and has been working for the past 18+ years. Actually, it’s how I’ve viewed HR since I began. We have a distinct opportunity to value people for who they are by meeting them where they are. It seems simple, and we tend to look for some model or formula that is far more complex in order to interact with people. Those never work and never will.

This week start meeting people where they are. It’s a good place. You’ll find out more than you ever imagined by being the person who’s open, vulnerable, genuine, and accessible first. It works for HR and for people in any environment. Just start with your name and see where it goes from there.

Being Shaped !!

My wife and I have been engrossed by the Netflix series, Blown Away, which is a competition between glass blowers. There have been four seasons so far, and we love how creative these artists are. I kept saying how intrigued I was by what the contestants did, so my wife surprised me with a gift certificate to a local glassblowing shop as a Christmas gift. I was so geeked and pumped to be able to try my hand at this craft. Then, I put the certificate in a drawer along with other gift cards.

That was three years ago. This year, though, I received the best request from our adult daughter Melanie. She was going to be able to spend most of the week of Christmas visiting us. She asked if I’d take a day off for a father/daughter day. You need to know how much that touched my soul. You see, Melanie turned 31 on Christmas Day, and here she was asking if she could still spend the day with her dad. Did I get weepy? Of course – as all good dads should regularly do.

I wanted the day to be memorable when I remembered the glassblowing certificate I had tucked away somewhere. My incredibly organized wife knew exactly where the gift certificate was. I told her I was going to see if I could get a class for Melanie and I to create some art. She hoped the certificate was still good which was a fair concern. I mentioned the thought of being in a glassblowing hot shop to Mel and she jumped at the chance.

I called Neusole Glassworks and asked to schedule some time for us to make two items – a Santa Claus hat and a Christmas Ornament. Thankfully, the gift certificate was still valid and we had a time set for the Friday afternoon after Christmas. Our father/daughter day started with a full breakfast with my wife and my Men’s Group at a local breakfast diner. Then we did some errands and shopped for some miscellaneous items to span the time before heading to the Glassworks.

When we arrived, we were given a quick tour and some safety instructions. We had already received instructions on the type of clothing to wear. They especially recommended wearing a T-shirt because of the heat in the hot shop. It was a brisk, cold winter day when we went so we had sweatshirts over our t-shirts. Once we entered the hot shop, the sweatshirts were shed within two minutes !! The oven that was used glowed brightly, and you felt the immense heat immediately.

We were scheduled for 1 1/2 hours in order to make our items. Seth was our instructor. He was patient, thorough, and encouraging. I was a bit concerned I’d be able to work the glass because the stations are set up for those who are right-handed. I am fiercely, and almost exclusively, left-handed. Seth assured me I’d be able to do all of the necessary tasks. He was right.

We had an absolute blast making our items while concentrating through sweat and a dry mouth. We both wanted to take the molten glass and shape it so that our pieces would be both unique and wonderful. Once we completed everything, Seth placed all four creations into the annealer to cool for several days. We had to wait a week to see how things turned out.

We closed out our father/daughter day by going to music trivia at our local haunt along with other family friends. We won too !! It was the perfect day all around.

Melanie returned home to Indianapolis over the weekend. While I was waiting to collect our glass creations to cool, set, and reach their final state, I thought our experience reflected something very applicable to HR, employees, culture, and work.

Glass, by itself, will maintain its shape unless it’s dropped or chipped. Then, unfortunately, it shatters and can’t serve its purpose. However, it can be reclaimed, heated and melted. The molten blob on the end of a blowpipe can become anything in a glassblowers hands. It can be clear or multi-colored. It can be shifted, altered, and maneuvered in any direction. There’s no telling what will be the end result.

People and change are just like glass. They all have a purpose and if they’re in their normal state, they can perform. However, when they get nicked, chipped, or even shattered they lose that intended purpose. We don’t like it when we face stress or “heat” that causes us to bend, fold, and change. It’s uncomfortable and we will do what we can to avoid these types of situations.

What we need to come to terms with though is that heat is exactly what we need to shift, grow, and stretch. We need to trust that when this happens we can be shaped into new creations that can offer even more than our original shape. We need to trust that these actions are what we need to go through even though its uncomfortable for a time.

At the beginning of a New Year, instead of resolving to “get into better shape,” why don’t we agree that we may need to be shaped ourselves? I have a feeling that each of us has more to offer if we’d allow the heat and stress to unlock the creative object that is waiting to come forth.

By the way – I picked up our artwork. It came out perfectly. Take a look !!

Put Your Apron On !!

My family is made up of an eclectic mix of people who have had a variety of occupations. I come from three families altogether – my mom’s side, my biological dad’s side, and my step-dads side. (My mom remarried my second dad after being widowed.) Many of my relatives were, or are, farmers. They’ve had farms where they worked the land and raised livestock. These farms have been generational, and through their hard work they have fed countless people.

Another portion of my family worked in manufacturing plants or in front-line roles putting in hours in various conditions. They were also responsible for making great products or providing services to many people. Most of my extended family never saw the end users of their efforts. One person stands out, particularly in this family work history – my stepdad, Don.

Dad grew up on a farm and used to tell us that he began work soon after birth. That was probably more truth than fabrication. I know that he worked constantly for his family growing up. He and his twin brother, Ron, were two boys of seven siblings. After high school, he began working at a grain elevator in Ada, Ohio (which would become my hometown later.) He worked his way up over time from shoveling grain and loading trucks to becoming the manager of the elevator. When he married my mom, he was the manager. I don’t know if he ever only worked 40 hours a week. Not kidding. He would put in a full day, come home for dinner, and go back to work.

His work ethic was genuine and natural. He modeled it and expected the same effort and commitment from me and my brother. It didn’t matter if that was in school, our volunteer efforts, or in our jobs. He viewed work as something to cherish and give your best to every day. Sure, I bet there were times when things were a grind. And, I’m sure he also experienced challenging employees and customers. That never swayed him.

While working at the elevator, he put himself through night school to get his Associate’s Degree in Accounting. This led to an accounting role for the local electrical co-op where he worked until he retired. I’ve always appreciated and admired my dad for how he approached work.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago . . .

I was asked to be a guest on a webinar for WorkProud. Their CEO, Michael Levy, and I had a great conversation about the future of work and how to develop a people-first organization. I am grateful anytime I have the chance to contribute to blogs, podcasts, or webinars. I don’t take it for granted. Once the webinar was completed, Michael asked me for my address because he wanted to send me something as a “Thank You.”

Soon there was a package on my porch and I was floored when I opened it !! I saw some weathered green canvas along with some leather. I was confused as to the contents of the package at first. I pulled out the item and began unfolding it. It seemed to unfold over and over. It still wasn’t clear as to what it was until I laid it flat on my kitchen island.

It was an apron !! A work apron. It was magnificent and I took several minutes just to look it over. I ran my hands over the material and it already felt like it had been used. It was as if someone working in a hands-on environment had finished their day’s work and had hung it up on a hook to be ready for the next shift. My wife asked if I was planning on keeping it, and I immediately said, “Absolutely !!”

You see, I think the apron is a solid reminder for everyone in HR to pick up their proverbial apron and put it on as we head into work. We can have the same approach and dedication my dad showed throughout his career with our “aprons” on. We are a profession that rarely sees the outcome of our efforts because we have the privilege of working with people. Each day provides a different circumstance to take on and work through.

Having a put your apron on mentality will keep us grounded as well. It is a tangible reminder that we represent all employees from the front line to the C-suite. Our “work” is in caring for, assisting, and developing others. We can build up our callouses doing this work well. This week I want you to pause before you start. Break up your regular pattern and add a new step. Find your apron. Put it on. Tie it tightly and then head in !!

Cluttered

Now, I know that even the title of this blog may make some people squirm. I want to challenge that notion if only to offer a different perspective. As I’m writing this post, I am surrounded by a stack of books I intend to read, various notebooks all dedicated to different areas of work, a stack of crumpled flip chart pages, two sets of markers, two tote bags, and two backpacks. I have a playlist with the soundtrack of the alternative Netflix series, The Umbrella Academy, on shuffle and I’m watering our trees to thwart the drought we’re facing. This is normal and comforting . . . for me.

Please note that I’m not touting that my method of approaching life is what others should do. As mentioned earlier, any semblance of this type of manner of walking through life unsettles far more people than those who concur. I have no recollection of ever not having this as my standard style. I don’t want to venture into if my brain is wired in a certain way or another. I don’t feel it’s fair to project or label how anyone moves through their daily lives. When I find people do this, it’s not comparative, it’s judgemental. There’s a right and a wrong.

I believe there just . . . is. That may be far too existential for some. However, when I look at the world and the people around me I see variety, diversity, and uniqueness. I try my best not to squelch or confine anyone else. I don’t particularly agree with how others maneuver through work and life, but only because I know it won’t work for me. If you visited me at my office, you’d see this pattern of being cluttered lived out. To me, it’s a very natural environment that offers endless stimulation and movement. It’s a snapshot of how the world appears in my head daily.

One day a former executive came to my office and was mortified. He looked at everything stacked, teetering and threatening to topple at any moment. His countenance dropped and he was immediately judgemental because my setting ran completely counter to how he did life. That was true of his dress, his communication, and his leadership style. Instead of trying to understand my beautiful mess, he challenged me because he wanted to show me how wrong I was to work like I do.

“This is something,” he retorted.

“Is there something you need or I can help you with?” I replied.

“Do you even know where anything is? I mean (dramatic pause) LOOK at this place !!” he exclaimed. His voice was raised and he started to turn red. I didn’t understand why this was a confrontation, but I remained unphased.

“What would you like me to get? Glad to help you.” I said this with a bit of a twist and a hint of sarcasm and he felt it.

“Well, um, where is the project list we’re working on for the Strategic Plan?” he stammered.

I reached into the middle of a stack while steadying it with my other hand. “This list?” It was exactly what he was asking for. I said, “This isn’t luck or a magic trick. It’s how I think. I know this isn’t how you like to approach work and I respect that. I ask you to do the same.”

Needless to say, he was not happy. I didn’t want that to happen, but I also felt he should be more open-minded to different perspectives. We all say we’re comfortable with those who are different than us, but that’s not really true. If we were honest, we consider different – wrong. It isn’t. It’s just different.

This week take a look around and take in the array of the people you work with and see how each one is unique. They’re all amazing because of their differences. Some will be organized and others will be cluttered. Some will think linearly and others don’t even know what a line looks like because they see countless versions of ever-changing intersections.

Let’s see how all of those differences make us better. I need to get back to my stacks . . .

It’s Just “Eh”

This weekend we were fortunate to get our first hint of Fall weather. It has been oppressively hot to the point where you didn’t want to even venture outside. Now that it was cool and brisk, we had to take advantage and jump into an activity that allowed us to enjoy the outside once again. My wife and I hopped in our car and trekked over to see our daughter in Indianapolis to take in the Penrod Arts Fair.

I was particularly giddy because I am an art fan !! I have taken my wife and kids to countless museums on a regular basis. Art fascinates me in all its forms. I was eager to see the various booths because there was a hint of uncertainty about what would be found. The fair is so large and draws a huge number of people that you are bussed in from a parking lot 10 to 15 minutes away because there isn’t enough onsite parking.

There were four separate sections filled with tents of artists. The pieces ranged from paintings to photography to jewelry to pottery to glass and metal works. The art could either be delicate and dainty or vast and abstract. Some booths drew many visitors and buyers while others got interest but people moved on. There wasn’t any way to predict what art was attractive to people. Each artist was eager to engage anyone who was willing to stop and chat. They wanted to share what they could about their creations. I enjoyed speaking with many of them just to hear their perspectives on things.

As we were milling through the crowds at a leisurely pace, a gentleman passed by me wearing a light blue sweatshirt with the greatest saying – “The Earth without Art is just ‘Eh’.” It’s a quote from the brilliantly eclectic comedian Demetri Martin. I laughed out loud when I read it and shared it with the group who was with us. They laughed as well. Even though it is a funny observation, it rings true.

After seeing the sweatshirt, I contemplated the art that was all around me. The span of creativity was hard to comprehend. There were some pieces that made me wonder how those images were in someone’s head. I found them a bit unnerving but I respected that they were how the artists chose to express themselves. Others seemed “simple” and I even quipped, “I could do that.” I know that may not be likely because I was observing while they were creating. It did pique my interest though !!

I loved that each artist was willing to share their vision and put it in front of the public. They all were unapologetic and original. It was invigorating and refreshing. It made me wonder what our workplaces would look like if we encouraged our people to be artists themselves. You see, too often work becomes “Eh.” It’s repetitive and mundane far more than it should be. We long for innovation and creativity aspirationally, but don’t allow for it to occur.

It would be an entirely vibrant environment if people knew they were allowed to unleash their creativity. Imagine what would happen if people were approached for their input, ideas, and insight instead of only focusing on throughput and outcomes. How cool would it be if people looked at each day as an empty canvas where they could add their own version of the work they were responsible for?

It’s our job to tap into that hidden artist. We would offer so much value if we viewed our employees as contributors vs. producers. Also, HR would be more exhilarating with this as our focus. It’s well past time for us to also be traditionalists in our field. Let’s commit to eliminating the “Eh” and bringing forth the art !!

Simple is Hard

This past week, I was fortunate to return to the speaking circuit for the first time in 2024. Whenever I get to speak to a group of my HR peers, my bucket is instantly filled. I never take it for granted. As soon as the obligatory speaker introduction ends, I can hit the first slide, and time seems to disappear.

I can feel the energy of the room ramp up when I introduce a few of the concepts I wanted to cover during my time. You see, I believe in and have practiced a stripped-down version of HR throughout my career. When I began practicing several decades ago, it wasn’t even called Human Resources it was Personnel. What was interesting was the old name of the field was a more accurate description of how most of the work was done. It was impersonal distant and heavily process-driven.

People are probably reading this and screaming that little has changed. That may be true in pockets or in companies that don’t value HR. I hate to hear that. I can’t tell you how many times people have come up to me after presentations sharing that they are faced with roles that still value the Personnel approach. Interestingly enough, there is this constant push to rename and rebrand the profession yet again. Instead of focusing on doing good work with people, we’re worried about what we’re called as an industry. I really am not concerned with what HR is or isn’t called as long as we try something that works.

Great HR is best when it is simplified. When we strip back the layers of the muck that have been built in over the years we make true progress. We thought our purpose had been to continue to build system upon system, process upon process, and policy upon policy. The more we wrote and implemented, we assured ourselves that our work and relationships with people would go smoothly. We have tricked ourselves into believing that we can have the perfect model with a set number of prescriptive steps to refer to for any situation we face.

There are still speakers, books, blogs, and podcasts that propose this ineffective and archaic belief system. Isn’t it ironic that if we only needed one true system then there wouldn’t be the need for any others? Have you stepped back to consider that?

Simplifying HR is needed because people are complicated. Each individual on this planet is unique. They can’t be, and shouldn’t be, crammed into a box of any sort in order to comply and conform. But, as Martin Scorcese so aptly stated, “Simple is hard.” You think it would be just the opposite. However, creating more and more and more layers of do’s and don’ts (mainly don’ts if we were honest) is easy. Having the discipline to keep things simple and not allow the layer building to occur takes considerably more effort.

The key to understanding here though is this – Keeping HR simple allows you and your employees to thrive. You have to trust me that you unleash more of the inherent talent people want to bring to work if you focus on allowing them to perform. How that looks where you work is up to you.

This is the baseline message of almost every talk I give. I’m out to deconstruct the past in order to build up the profession. Pulling the layers back and eliminating them reveals amazing people who have been there all the time. We just haven’t seen them because we’ve been lulled to sleep doing work building matrixes.

This week find one thing to strip back. Just one. The next week find two to three more and so on. Have faith and know that simplified HR can work for you. Taking these steps will be far more impactful than building the next great initiative. Enable the people you have working at your company to perform. You’ll find when you do this, they will.

Be a Care Partner

Throughout life, you are sure to encounter various challenges. We don’t desire that but you have to be realistic. Life wouldn’t be life without challenges. This past week, my wife and I started to face our most recent one.

I mention my wife often in my writing because I am so fortunate to have her in my life. As a couple, we balance each other. I tend to be outspoken, gregarious, eager to meet strangers, and someone who questions rules. She is stable, thoughtful, enjoys rules and structure, and warms up to people after meeting them a few times. There are other facets of our personalities that you could categorize as opposite – and that works for us.

She has always been supportive of my drive to be creative and always on the go just in case I can meet someone new. If I were someone who chose to spend their life with me, I’d wonder at times what I signed up for. On the other hand, she brings order and peace, which is incredibly attractive !! So, when she had knee replacement surgery last Wednesday, I had the opportunity to take care of her once again.

I say “again” because, in the past, she’s had extensive foot surgery, two shoulder surgeries, and now a knee. She’s decided to become bionic which is keeping her healthy and will give us more years to do life together. (One quick note, I read every blog I write to her before I publish it. She knows the topic and we aren’t breaking any HIPAA privacy rules.) Everything went smoothly and was successful. I was amazed that something so major is now an outpatient procedure !!

We came home and got her set up to start the road to recovery. I am there to assist her with actions she normally would do on her own. When I mentioned that Debbie was going to have surgery in my men’s group, I said, “I get to be her caregiver.” One of my friends corrected me. He said, “Be a care partner because you’re in this together.” That truly struck me.

Being a care partner is such a different perspective because it’s not one-sided and reminds you that more than one person is involved. This doesn’t lessen the challenge you both face, but it gives you more confidence that you can be a team to work through it together. It’s only been a few days into recuperation, but we’ve been taking the care partner approach and it’s made a huge difference.

While Debbie has been resting, I had time to contemplate. As a “partner,” you find yourself focused on others which runs contrary to what the world expects. We’re taught to be fiercely independent and stand on our own. However, I believe we are wired to be present and empathetic to others – always. This is true when you’re given the chance to care for a spouse, a partner, a parent, a child, a friend, a relative, and even a stranger.

You can be someone who chooses to care instead of being someone who chooses to avoid or deflect. We really don’t know what’s going on in the lives of the people we work with. Rarely do people take the time to be that open or vulnerable. I’m not calling for people to be more open, but I am encouraging you to be more mindful that EVERYONE you encounter has some form of “life” going on at every moment.

Acknowledging this will change your approach and lead you to be more caring and empathetic. In fact, it’s needed if you want to lead effectively. Self-centeredness only ends up tearing people apart. I’ve tried to be someone who models empathy and care at home, at work and everywhere I’ve been connected to other people. I was fortunate to see this modeled by my parents and extended family. It’s what I’ve known and what I hope to show and see in others.

This week look around to see where you can become a care partner. The opportunities are there. Step in, lend a hand, and see how those relationships grow and move forward !!

What’s Next ??!!

This Wednesday is the next milestone I am fortunate enough to experience in this journey we call “life.” I’m turning the clock over to another decade !! Now, I understand that aging isn’t exactly an accomplishment. Time moves forward whether we want it to or not. However, in my family line reaching 60 is an accomplishment !!

My biological father passed away at age 26. His brother passed away in his early 40’s and his other brother made it to his late 60’s. Therefore, I am truly grateful when I get to start yet another year roaming the planet.

What does the next decade hold? I honestly don’t know, and I’m comfortable with things being unknown. I’m relatively healthy and active. Work has never been this exciting, robust, and creative !! My wife and I will celebrate 35 years of marriage in October, and our adults are successful as they learn how to live their lives and careers.

I’ve never been a person who had to have the next steps of life planned out or predetermined. The truth is when things are overly scheduled and structured, I get a bit itchy. I am far more comfortable with spontaneity and going with the flow of whatever presents itself. Ironically, my approach to life makes my wife itchy. That’s one of the many reasons we’ve been successful as a couple. We balance each other in almost every aspect of our lives together.

I do know this. I am going to continue to look forward to what’s next. I do this with anticipation, curiosity, joy, and positivity. I don’t really see another option. I know that I’ll meet new people in the coming years. I know that I’ll get to visit and explore different areas of the world, and I hope to get to meet and connect with more HR peers. I’m sure that I’ll make that transition from work to retirement sooner rather than later. That only means new adventures are just around the corner.

I know these exciting opportunities will present themselves because in looking back over my prior 59 years, I cherish the amazing things that have already happened. I never thought I’d ever be an author growing up, and now I’ve written three books. I could never have imagined speaking in front of any group, and yet I’ve taken the stage to speak to thousands of people. I never anticipated I’d find the love of my life and be blessed with two amazing kids. And yet, we continue to enjoy each other as time marches ahead.

I couldn’t have understood that I was led into the field of Human Resources which has fit me like a glove for my entire career. I’ve been fortunate to connect with peers from every type and size of industry around the globe. Literally !! I’ve had the opportunity to work with and impact thousands of employees for 37+ years. How amazing is that?

Not one of these experiences was part of a wish list or a vision board. (remember those?) I also don’t think that my life is a series of happenstance. I’m a man of faith and I trust that whatever comes throughout my life happened on purpose.

So, what’s next ?? I’m not sure, but I’m geeked to see how it all plays out.

The Reality of Rest

If you’ve been following this blog for any amount of time, you know I’m a person who is on the go most of the time. Activity fills my bucket. I have a driving urge that my next experience is going to be an adventure !! I’m not talking about something grandiose either. Meeting a unique person in a shop in a small town. Having an encounter with a stranger that turns out to be unexpected and interesting. Working on our daughter’s house to repair, paint and give it her touch. The list can be endless.

I eagerly enter each day with anticipation that something amazing is sure to occur. I know. This sounds naive and superficial. I can assure you it’s not. Ever since I can remember, I have seen life as robust with opportunities to look around the next corner at something completely new. Always being on the go has a price though . . .

I’m not good at resting. Never have been. This endless yearning of wonderment runs counter to slowing down even for a moment. I tend to collapse even after a full day at work. The energy I try to pour into others while also getting them to see life from a brighter perspective is exhausting. I’m not complaining. I’d have it no other way. I just want you to know that the science of expending energy affects me greatly as I’m sure it does you.

Most people I know collapse or burst. They either run themselves into the ground with countless tasks they attack and at times accomplish. Or, they sprint as if there is no end to a race and then explode emotionally. This results in a few days off either from your body slowing you down because you won’t pay attention or a mini vacation just to remove yourself from the hectic pace.

Bursting is as unhealthy as collapsing. We convince ourselves this isn’t the case and we tell ourselves that our company, department, project, etc. would surely fail if we weren’t constantly diligent and present. I fully believe in self-worth and self-assuredness in life. However, if we delude ourselves into feeling we are indescribably valuable, then we lack the most important “self” – self-awareness.

This weekend, I decided to be intentional and embrace the reality of rest. I put down my phone, went out with my wife and friends to music trivia and some drinks, and even slept in on Saturday morning !! All day Saturday, I limited my activity and drive to always do something. That resulted in watching a movie, getting some ice cream after making dinner in our Instant Pot, and even squeezing in a nap. Just one day of slowing down helped me mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Today I went to church, washed our cars, and sat down to write this blog. Limiting my activity didn’t hurt one bit and as far as I can tell, the world is still spinning. I was on social media but barely. Later, I plan to pick up a book and read or even start a puzzle without a screen in sight.

People are still milling around and falling into the trap that hustling and running is a needed component in today’s society while I chose to rest. We can’t advance the cause of well-being if we don’t take care of ourselves. Rest is needed SO we can get back in, stay active and thrive.

This week break the pattern of collapsing or bursting. Encourage others to do the same throughout your family and your workplace. Build in rest. When you do, you’ll see you actually have more energy and time than you expected !!