Set the Tone

This past week was just like most weeks. My wife and I got up early, got ready for the day, and went to work. When we got home we greeted each other and then figured out dinner. One of those days I was able to get home a bit early and I started dinner. I wanted to have things ready for Debbie before she got home herself. Things were almost ready to be served when she arrived.

She greeted me warmly but I didn’t reciprocate. There was no reason for that. She hadn’t done anything other than open the door and say, “Hello.” I was in a dark, somber mood out of nowhere. Nothing had caused it. The dinner was easy to make. There was no reason at all. It just happened. Unknowingly, I had set the tone for the rest of the night. I’m not proud of that but it happened.

Ironically, later that night I was watching a DVD (yes, a real DVD) to get ready to teach as a substitute for a couple’s group we’re in at church. In the video, the speaker shared the most astounding fact. He said, “You set the tone for the night within the first 30 seconds of when you arrive home.” My heart sank. His sage words could not have been more timely. I don’t think it was even 30 seconds before my somberness set the stage.

I share this because we often talk about wellbeing at work. It’s the hot topic at conferences and also in blogs. All of this focus is needed and has been for years. What I don’t see being talked about though is our wellbeing outside of work. We’re all far too busy if we were honest with ourselves. From the moment we wake up, we’re “on.” Our minds start to race and we grab for our phone to see if we missed anything after another night of restless sleep. We convince ourselves that every, single second has to be accounted for, and we can’t afford one wasted moment

We make each situation we encounter monumental whether it is or not. We feel this gives us purpose, drive, and value. There’s rarely any example where we slow down and catch our breath. Then, we head back home after this unending pace. (Note that this same hurriedness is true for those in remote and hybrid roles.) Work is “done” for the day and we return to our lives outside of our regular working hours. We may go back to a spouse, a partner, kids, our pets or just our abode.

Without pausing and winding down somewhat, we’re sure to come in hot. There’s no reason to do this. You can make the time to pause. You can. The question is – Do you want to?

For me, the answer is “Yes.” I started this discipline that day. First, I apologized to my wife for being in a funk. Secondly, I shared this story with our group so they heard a real-world example of what we were learning. Third, I’ve been pausing and making sure to remember that I can set the tone quickly. I want those first 30 seconds to be great from now on.

It’s working and I’m also starting to use this approach to interactions at work. Taking just a moment to break the pace is a simple practice, but it will take discipline. I would rather set the tone versus having people feel they have to react. How about you? Are you willing to set the tone?

Cluttered

Now, I know that even the title of this blog may make some people squirm. I want to challenge that notion if only to offer a different perspective. As I’m writing this post, I am surrounded by a stack of books I intend to read, various notebooks all dedicated to different areas of work, a stack of crumpled flip chart pages, two sets of markers, two tote bags, and two backpacks. I have a playlist with the soundtrack of the alternative Netflix series, The Umbrella Academy, on shuffle and I’m watering our trees to thwart the drought we’re facing. This is normal and comforting . . . for me.

Please note that I’m not touting that my method of approaching life is what others should do. As mentioned earlier, any semblance of this type of manner of walking through life unsettles far more people than those who concur. I have no recollection of ever not having this as my standard style. I don’t want to venture into if my brain is wired in a certain way or another. I don’t feel it’s fair to project or label how anyone moves through their daily lives. When I find people do this, it’s not comparative, it’s judgemental. There’s a right and a wrong.

I believe there just . . . is. That may be far too existential for some. However, when I look at the world and the people around me I see variety, diversity, and uniqueness. I try my best not to squelch or confine anyone else. I don’t particularly agree with how others maneuver through work and life, but only because I know it won’t work for me. If you visited me at my office, you’d see this pattern of being cluttered lived out. To me, it’s a very natural environment that offers endless stimulation and movement. It’s a snapshot of how the world appears in my head daily.

One day a former executive came to my office and was mortified. He looked at everything stacked, teetering and threatening to topple at any moment. His countenance dropped and he was immediately judgemental because my setting ran completely counter to how he did life. That was true of his dress, his communication, and his leadership style. Instead of trying to understand my beautiful mess, he challenged me because he wanted to show me how wrong I was to work like I do.

“This is something,” he retorted.

“Is there something you need or I can help you with?” I replied.

“Do you even know where anything is? I mean (dramatic pause) LOOK at this place !!” he exclaimed. His voice was raised and he started to turn red. I didn’t understand why this was a confrontation, but I remained unphased.

“What would you like me to get? Glad to help you.” I said this with a bit of a twist and a hint of sarcasm and he felt it.

“Well, um, where is the project list we’re working on for the Strategic Plan?” he stammered.

I reached into the middle of a stack while steadying it with my other hand. “This list?” It was exactly what he was asking for. I said, “This isn’t luck or a magic trick. It’s how I think. I know this isn’t how you like to approach work and I respect that. I ask you to do the same.”

Needless to say, he was not happy. I didn’t want that to happen, but I also felt he should be more open-minded to different perspectives. We all say we’re comfortable with those who are different than us, but that’s not really true. If we were honest, we consider different – wrong. It isn’t. It’s just different.

This week take a look around and take in the array of the people you work with and see how each one is unique. They’re all amazing because of their differences. Some will be organized and others will be cluttered. Some will think linearly and others don’t even know what a line looks like because they see countless versions of ever-changing intersections.

Let’s see how all of those differences make us better. I need to get back to my stacks . . .

It’s Just “Eh”

This weekend we were fortunate to get our first hint of Fall weather. It has been oppressively hot to the point where you didn’t want to even venture outside. Now that it was cool and brisk, we had to take advantage and jump into an activity that allowed us to enjoy the outside once again. My wife and I hopped in our car and trekked over to see our daughter in Indianapolis to take in the Penrod Arts Fair.

I was particularly giddy because I am an art fan !! I have taken my wife and kids to countless museums on a regular basis. Art fascinates me in all its forms. I was eager to see the various booths because there was a hint of uncertainty about what would be found. The fair is so large and draws a huge number of people that you are bussed in from a parking lot 10 to 15 minutes away because there isn’t enough onsite parking.

There were four separate sections filled with tents of artists. The pieces ranged from paintings to photography to jewelry to pottery to glass and metal works. The art could either be delicate and dainty or vast and abstract. Some booths drew many visitors and buyers while others got interest but people moved on. There wasn’t any way to predict what art was attractive to people. Each artist was eager to engage anyone who was willing to stop and chat. They wanted to share what they could about their creations. I enjoyed speaking with many of them just to hear their perspectives on things.

As we were milling through the crowds at a leisurely pace, a gentleman passed by me wearing a light blue sweatshirt with the greatest saying – “The Earth without Art is just ‘Eh’.” It’s a quote from the brilliantly eclectic comedian Demetri Martin. I laughed out loud when I read it and shared it with the group who was with us. They laughed as well. Even though it is a funny observation, it rings true.

After seeing the sweatshirt, I contemplated the art that was all around me. The span of creativity was hard to comprehend. There were some pieces that made me wonder how those images were in someone’s head. I found them a bit unnerving but I respected that they were how the artists chose to express themselves. Others seemed “simple” and I even quipped, “I could do that.” I know that may not be likely because I was observing while they were creating. It did pique my interest though !!

I loved that each artist was willing to share their vision and put it in front of the public. They all were unapologetic and original. It was invigorating and refreshing. It made me wonder what our workplaces would look like if we encouraged our people to be artists themselves. You see, too often work becomes “Eh.” It’s repetitive and mundane far more than it should be. We long for innovation and creativity aspirationally, but don’t allow for it to occur.

It would be an entirely vibrant environment if people knew they were allowed to unleash their creativity. Imagine what would happen if people were approached for their input, ideas, and insight instead of only focusing on throughput and outcomes. How cool would it be if people looked at each day as an empty canvas where they could add their own version of the work they were responsible for?

It’s our job to tap into that hidden artist. We would offer so much value if we viewed our employees as contributors vs. producers. Also, HR would be more exhilarating with this as our focus. It’s well past time for us to also be traditionalists in our field. Let’s commit to eliminating the “Eh” and bringing forth the art !!

We Should All Be More Fair

Last weekend my wife and I got to visit one of my favorite places on the planet – the Indiana State Fair. We went with our daughter who lives in Indy along with two of her close friends. We made sure to get to the fairgrounds early and even then there was a line of cars over a mile long slowly crawling to find a place to park. We missed our turn and ended up going down a side road through our own slow crawl. A police officer who was helping with the traffic snarl asked me if we minded veering off to the right and parking in a person’s yard. He told us we’d have to walk awhile to get into the fair, but we were thankful to get out of the mass of cars.

We made our way toward the gate which ended up being about a ten-minute walk, and then entered the throng of people. It was packed and I thought that was wonderful. You could see people wandering from location to location full of excitement and anticipation. The sights, sounds, and smells of the fair encompassed you and made the experience even better.

I am so enamored by the State Fair environment because I grew up around a farm. I was raised with my brother by my Grandpa and Grandma who ran a dairy farm. We had an aunt and uncle who had another farm a few miles away that was a mixture of raising sheep, cattle, chicken, and pigs along with acres of land growing corn, wheat, hay, and soybeans. Returning to the fairgrounds brought back all of those great memories and I was once again in my element.

The young adults who were with us were somewhat patient, but I don’t think they were ready for how I wanted to take in every aspect of the fair at a measured pace. We compromised a bit so I could wander through the rows of classic tractors and take my time in each of the livestock barns. Those are my favorites because the young kids who raise these beautiful animals live in the barn with them during the fair.

If you’ve never seen how the kids care for the animals, you really should. They take time to check on them regularly, give them baths, feed them throughout the day, and groom them so they look their best. When the kids take them to the arena to “show” them, you can’t measure the pride they exhibit. They have worked for months and months for the few moments they are in front of the judges. They’re competing for a ribbon. Yes, a ribbon. That is the pinnacle of all of their hours and hours of preparation. If they are fortunate to be in the top three of their class, they’ll get that ribbon. You should see their exuberance.

We also took our time in the 4H buildings where young people put together amazing projects ranging from decorative cake making to sewing to woodworking to art and photography (just to mention a few.) There are three buildings with multiple floors filled with rows and rows of these projects. Again, their prize – a ribbon.

As we took time to experiment and try fair food, including fried Oreos and fried cookie dough, I paused to wonder what our workplaces would look like if we took the same “fair” approach that all of the young people did. If we made sure to give all of our people undivided attention and ensured their basic needs were met so that they could perform, what would happen? If we allowed people the time needed to be creative with all the materials they needed, what would they be able to produce?

We are so focused on just getting things done in our organizations, that we don’t feel we have time to care for, equip, and believe in our people. “Work” gets the spotlight and not people doing the work. This has never been effective and never will be.

We could learn from the young people at the State Fair. They do all they can for a few moments and a small prize. However, their passion, dedication, and determination are built into seeing their good work come to life. From now on, let’s see how all of our cultures can emulate being a little more “fair.”

Shed Shopping

This weekend I personally crossed a threshold. I have always enjoyed mowing my yard by walking it using a self-propelled mower. When we first owned our house, I could mow the entire 1/2 acre in about 1 1/2 hours and on one tank of gas. It was invigorating and I looked forward to every cut. Now, Father Time is winning and what was once a task I enjoyed has turned into a chore.

I still love being outside and working in my yard. I hope that desire never wanes. However, mowing has now turned into a several-hour task where I end up spent and exhausted. I have resisted the purchase of a riding lawn mower. I have been defiant and stubborn because I never wanted to admit defeat. The time has come to accept that I need an alternative so that mowing never becomes a health issue.

To get this elusive piece of equipment to assist me in my yardwork calls for a new addition – a shed. We don’t have enough room in our garage for a riding lawn mower with our cars. I know I could park outside, but we have enough room to add this new structure. (Please note that I know we’re fortunate to have the home and property we have and don’t take it for granted.)

To find a location that sells sheds, I searched online and found a location that was a mere five miles from my house. That seemed ideal and too good to be true. My wife and I jumped into the car and trekked over to hopefully find what we were looking for. When we pulled up to the drive, we were a bit concerned. There were examples of sheds lined up along the right side of the drive, but we didn’t see anyone we could talk to. We saw one of the buildings that had a small clock sign on it with hands saying people would be back at 10:00 am. It was 10:30 am. We didn’t feel confident about this location or experience. It was disappointing, but we weren’t defeated.

We looked for other places throughout the city we could venture to. One site looked promising but it was quite a drive to get there. Undeterred, we headed out. As we pulled into the location at Miller Barns, we felt more at ease and thought we’d potentially find a shed. The buildings were more spread out and there was a main office right as you entered the property. We were able to meander in and out of as many buildings as we liked. We checked out sheds of every style and size. Inside each one was pricing information and dimensions.

After almost an hour, we went into the office and were greeted by two young, eager, and engaged men. They started with, “Hi there !! What brings you in?”

“We’d like to buy a shed,” I replied. “Well, then I think you came to the best place for that,” said the lead manager. I know this sounds cliche but it wasn’t. The two staff were full of passion and couldn’t wait to answer every question we posed. They asked what our time frame was and tried to gauge our interest. They were fairly sure we weren’t going to make an impulse buy, but they wanted to do their best to get us closer to making a purchase.

We thanked them for their time and reassured them we’d be back to get a shed after we did some measuring back home. To try to ply us one last time they offered us some delectable donuts on the way out. (We passed . . . this time.) The experience with the team who loved their job made our decision easy. We’ll definitely be back to get the new house for the impending riding lawn mower.

Do you see what a difference it makes when you encounter people who love their job? The first place we visited was run down, sketchy, and virtually abandoned. The second place was warm, welcoming, informed, and prepared to provide a great customer encounter. What is it like where you work? How about you personally?

You see, I think we focus so much on what’s wrong at work. Or, we complain about how others aren’t as good producers as they should be. The two gentlemen did none of that. It’s going to end up in a sale. What if we took on their approach and loved what we did instead? What would our companies look like if we expected this from others as well?

I know it makes a difference by loving the work I do. I believe that if you can see this shed shopping, you can make it come to life everywhere !!

Develop a Concert Culture !!

This past week I checked off an item on my bucket list by seeing the Foo Fighters live in concert. I went with Todd, one of my best friends, who is a huge fan. We ventured to downtown Cincinnati to the Great American Ballpark. The venue is used to being packed to the brim with fans for the hometown Cincinnati Reds, but this night it was converted into a rock venue for some 40,000 people.

Both Todd and I dig live music and we planned to get there early to take in every moment of every band. The night was going to be a mix of sounds and styles for sure. The opening band was Mammoth. They’re fronted by Wolfgang Van Halen, son of rock guitar legend, Eddie Van Halen !! The second band was also on my bucket list and I never thought I’d get to see them. Ohio’s own Pretenders !! The Foos were the headliners and made for a phenomenal bookend to a night full of tunes.

I could write volumes on how the entire night was full of emotion. As the sonic output of every band emanated from the towers of speakers, I experienced levels of joy, surprise, and familiarity. There was a mix of laughter, screaming, singing, and even a few tears. You need to know I’m a massive music freak so I was definitely in my element.

After we took in the 5 1/2 hours of music (which was epic !!), I had a chance to contemplate what I saw and how it could reflect the workplace. We spend so much time trying to find the perfect solution for a culture that will enable employee engagement. There are methods, programs, initiatives, mottos, activities meant to bring “fun” alive, and surveys to measure all of our efforts. It’s exhausting and produces lackluster results. I think we could learn from the Foo Fighters in how to build an engaged culture.

First of all, you need to have a venue that is open to one and all. You can either stand next to the stage or sit miles away in the atmosphere. You’re not confined by anything and can wander around to get your needs met with food and drink. You can even get merch to mark the event and have it serve as a memory reminder of what you experienced.

Secondly, you need to make sure you represent every generation in the workplace. The opening band, Mammoth, is just starting their career and featured young musicians trying to make their mark. The Pretenders lead singer, the legendary Chrissy Hynde is a spry 72 years young. She was performing before many of the concertgoers were even alive. The Foos are experienced and have members who have been with them for a few years along with the founder, Dave Grohl, who has only 3o years of experience with this band. (BTW – He was the drummer of the Grunge legends – Nirvana – as well.)

Finally, you need to have a leader who exhibits passion and vision. If you’ve never seen the Foos in concert, then you need to look at some live coverage on YouTube. Grohl is a true ringleader. He bursts onto the stage and immediately yells to the crowd to invite them in for the night. He exhibits fierce artistry and talent while his long hair becomes matted to his face and covered with sweat as he rips through song after song. He stops at intervals to make sure the crowd is engaged and with him. He doesn’t want one single person to detach and not pay attention.

Midway through the concert, he stops to individually recognize each of his band members. He heaps glorious praise on them publically and then allows them a few moments for them to play their instruments on their own. Their talent is evident and shines. He also acknowledges how each of them makes up the whole. He values each of them as musicians singularly, but reminds them that together they make up the band that is now in the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame !!

All of the components of a great company culture are there in one neat package. If you:

Provide an environment that meets your employees’ needs which is welcoming, safe, and allows them to move and find their space, and,

You make sure that everyone is included regardless of age, skill level, background, or level of experience, and,

You have someone who provides vision, expects you to be involved, is visibly passionate, and guides you with direction, then . . .

You have a concert culture !!

Just think what work would be like if we took this example and incorporated these facets where we work. You wouldn’t have to ever measure employee engagement because you’d see it lived out in front of you every day. So, this week figure out how you can take the stage, look out into the crowd, and when you hit the first note a new culture of engagement is born !!

To get you inspired, here is my favorite Foo Fighters tune – These Days.

Tell Me a Story

A few weeks ago, I had an opportunity to meet many people who wanted me to do one thing . . . listen to them.

You see, I was wandering the massive conference hall at McCormick Place as part of the SHRM Annual Conference. Something truly unique has been happening the past few years when I attend. My friends have learned to be very patient when walking alongside me while I wander. Why is that? As I go from place to place, I will often be stopped by a fellow attendee who wants to meet, introduce themselves, and take a few moments to chat. Whenever this occurs, my friends inevitably either have to pause or keep going to the area we were all heading. I usually tell them that I’ll text and catch up when I can.

I don’t take one moment of this for granted or think that I deserve this level of attention. There isn’t a good enough word to describe how humbling it is that someone wants to meet you intentionally. I’ve had a few people who have told me they’ve waited for years to do so because they were just unsure if they should take the chance to stop me. That is hard for me to come to terms with because I never want to be in a position where I’m perceived as unapproachable.

Once I’m stopped, the real joy of the encounter starts to take place. After we share names and I ask them where they’re from I stop talking. I want to listen to whatever they’d like to tell me. Sometimes people want to let me know what they enjoyed from a session. Other times people want to share they were encouraged so they could continue to bring a human-centric approach to HR. Every conversation is filled with emotion. It may range from joy and laughter to tears and hugs. You never know what is going to be shared, and I’m completely cool with that.

Why? People want to share their story.

For anyone to have the courage to approach someone they know very little and share something that is personally important to them is amazing. I have found that it is also a felt need that typically isn’t being filled. I don’t know if this is true from their personal life, but I can almost guarantee it’s happening because of their professional life.

We have become a society filled with little tolerance for giving our time to others without an agenda. We value production and closure far more than we do having a conversation. We feel that most people are in the way, an annoyance or they’re sure to ask us something that will have a negative consequence. This is true with our peers, leaders, and employees at work. I can’t tell you how many times people feel bothered when others attempt to get someone’s attention to talk with them.

You’ll see people look over someone’s shoulder or they’ll glance at a screen because their mind and attention are already seven steps ahead. When I hear people complain about the amount of broken communication at their company, I am sure it’s because we feel that other people are not worth our time.

That’s why if anyone ever wants my attention, I stop and give it to them. My day is as full as theirs, and I have work I could get to or a place I could visit. But, if I rush to what I tell myself is more important, I miss their story. I can’t do that. I want to hear what they want to share.

Giving someone a few moments of my day is far more valuable than any task that is burning to be done. Having an unhurried conversation with someone who has sought me out on purpose deserves whatever time they need. And, more than anything, I get to learn about the wonderful, creative, talented person across from me. You never know who you’ll meet and how the interaction you have will brighten their day.

Everyone has a story. From now on take time to stop, listen and learn.

How We Respond

Whew !! That’s the best expression I can state after getting some much-needed rest after a phenomenal SHRM24. I was surrounded by 26,000 of my HR peers, and it was glorious. This is my favorite environment of every year.

I’m sure you’ve heard by now about how the opening keynote, Jason Sudeikis, was a last-minute cancellation. He chose to attend a WBNA game instead of speaking so he could see Caitlyn Clark play. He has been a visible fan of hers in college and as a pro. It was incredibly disappointing because I wanted to hear what he had to say about his role as Ted Lasso. I bought a “Believe” shirt and was primed as most of the attendees were.

What struck me though was the response from the attendees. The cancellation was unexpected and shocking. I’d never seen a keynote cancel at a SHRM Annual Conference. The fact that he was attending the WBNA game in an arena attached to the McCormick Center at the time he was to take the SHRM stage made things sting even more. I was stunned by the vitriol and anger that was expressed by those at the conference and those watching in. The launch was quick and unforgiving. It seemed as if everyone’s “entire” conference was completely ruined.

I didn’t feel that way at all. Was I disappointed? Absolutely. Did I think it showed a lack of character by not following through on his commitment? Of course. Did it ruin my conference ??? Not one bit.

You see, I think there are two things to remember about this experience. The first is this – we all disappoint people and miss commitments. I’ve done it with my wife, my kids, my co-workers, and my peers. It is a fatal flaw of being a human. When others disappoint me, I feel a mix of being hollow and wanting there to be some form of payback. However, I do my best to show grace instead. The world is lacking in being graceful towards others. It’s not expected from the person who caused the disappointment, but I feel it’s the best remedy.

I know the chances of me ever encountering Jason Sudeikis in person are slim. I’ll still be a fan of the Ted Lasso series because it’s a TV show and he played a character. He made a choice. I have a choice in how to respond as well. I choose grace which leads me to my other point.

I never go to an HR conference to see one person. I go to see EVERY person !!

This year I was fortunate to have my wife join me at SHRM24. She walked through the halls with me and went to the SHRM store. It was especially meaningful for me to have her meet the many friends I have made over the years. She’s heard stories about them and now she was able to meet them face-to-face. She also was able to attend the two mega sessions where I presented. I was floored to stand on stage in a stately theater which was filled both times !!

(One quick note: Please know that I never take it for granted that I get the opportunity to speak in front of my HR peers. It humbles me and I am grateful for each chance I get.)

She got to hear how I got to experience the Annual Conference when people came up to me in the hallway, in sessions, and in line to sign my books. She heard story after story about how they responded after attending a session, reading one of my books, or having a conversation with me. I spent this time laughing, crying, and hugging each person because they told me that I had made HR personal for them. She and I made homemade tie-dye bookmarks that people could take with them for free. It was our way of giving them a token of our time together.

I made sure to give any person who came up to me all the time they’d like. It’s how I choose to respond.

This week you’re sure to have a variety of encounters with people. They may be great (which I hope) or they may bring disappointment. Whatever may come, you will have the choice of how you respond. I hope you express grace, curiosity, and joy.

On Being a Dad . . .

It’s Father’s Day.

I know taking a day to recognize fathers may not bring up the best sentiments or memories for people. Whenever I hear of someone who didn’t, or currently doesn’t, have a good relationship with their father it’s hard. It’s also a shame because a healthy father/child relationship is the best. Please know that I genuinely ache when I hear someone hasn’t had a healthy relationship with their father. I know a multitude of reasons, decisions, and actions can be the cause for this to occur. I don’t dare to try to comprehend what this has meant to people.

What I would like to share though is something more encouraging and positive. I’ve been very fortunate to have had two dads in my life. My biological dad was wonderful but I only knew him for the first four years of my life because he passed away when he was 24 years old. My second dad entered my life when I was at the challenging age of 13. He was wonderful since the time he married my mom and was for 44 years until he passed in 2020.

I have been a father for 30+ years now and I’m genuinely more grateful and excited now to have this opportunity than when it first occurred. My two kids are becoming fascinating adults and I’m grateful they want both myself and my wife in their lives. I don’t take it for granted because I don’t want to miss a moment of the adventures they’re taking.

I grew up around a dad who was always present. It was such a powerful image and model when I experienced his support, encouragement, discipline, advice, and direction just by having him in the activities I was involved in. His visibility spoke louder than any feedback or critique I’d receive. I would look out into the audience or stands just to make sure he was there. I’ve followed that model and have done all I can to be present for both of my kids when they were young and even more so now that they’re out on their own.

When I look at the time I’ve been a dad, my kids and I have surely had ups, downs, challenges, arguments, and times to ask each other for forgiveness. I’ve tried to be a dad who doesn’t put on airs, or show a different face at work, home, or in the community. I’ve wanted my kids to see the power of being humble, honest, fun, and vulnerable. Each day I know I’m going to be watched for how I talk, treat others, and react in various situations.

If I could share a list of what I hope they get from me being their dad, it would be this:

I want them to know that I am a man of faith who believes in the best of others.

I want them to know that people are worth my time, attention, and empathy.

I want them to know I will fail. When I do, I want them to see how I face failure and work through it.

More than anything, I want them to know how grateful I am to be their dad. My life wouldn’t be nearly as full without them.

I want them to know I will be there for them regardless of what life brings. They have my love forever.

I love being a dad. It’s the greatest job I will ever get to do !!

The 1st Pitch

On Sunday, I had both a life-affirming and a life-changing moment. I went to the Cincinnati Reds game to see a dear friend throw out the 1st pitch. Now, if you’re a sports fan at all, this is a bucket list item for most men. We grow up watching games and fantasize about taking the mound in front of a packed stadium waiting to “bring it” with a strike right across the plate.

Getting to see a friend have this opportunity would have been reason enough to go to the game. The story about the amazing man and his current situation makes it even more substantial. John and I have known each other for several years. Our kids are all around the same age, and we saw each other at school events from elementary school through high school. We were both also adult leaders in Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts. Two of his sons were in the Troop where I was Scoutmaster for a few years and I loved seeing them and getting to spend time with John. On top of our paths crossing at school and scouting, John’s family lives a few blocks away from me. We’d see each other wandering around the streets on neighborhood walks and make sure to catch up every time.

John and I are also connected by two other important facets of our lives. We are both men of faith and we have shared how that is a driver of who we are as humans because it easily melded with our shared profession. You see, John and I are peers who both work in HR.

So, when I received the sobering news in 2022 that my friend had been diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease), I was floored. It was hard for me to come to terms with this because John is one of the most approachable, friendly, encouraging, thoughtful, funny, and loving people I know. To receive the news of having a terminal disease ran contrary to the life that John willingly exudes with all he encounters.

The game on Sunday was to recognize Lou Gehrig Day throughout Major League Baseball. John shared several months ago that he was going to be the person throwing out the 1st pitch on this day. Everyone in the neighborhood who knows the family made plans to make sure they were there to watch and support John. A few weeks ago, John posted that his legs had been weakening as his condition progressed. I was wondering and praying that he’d be healthy enough to complete his dream.

As I entered the stadium with my daughter and family friends, Melanie said,
“There’s Mr. Barlow !!” I looked over and saw Ann and the kids (now adults) all huddled together and John in his wheelchair. I left my crew to go over in the hope of seeing him. I caught Ann’s attention first and gave her a rich hug. I worked over to John and his face lit up, as it does with everyone, when he saw me.

“Steve !! Just a second.” He slowly reached down and folded the footrest up and he stood. His arms spread wide and we embraced deeply and held each other. He leaned back and said, “I love you. You need to know that.”

I told him I loved him too, and how glad I was to see him and be there for the big event. He told me his plan was to shake off the sign that his son Thomas was going to give him before throwing his pitch. I told him that was perfect and I couldn’t wait to see it. John thanked me for coming and even said, “I knew you’d be here.”

I grabbed his hand tightly one more time, walked away, and wept. He didn’t see it and I know he wouldn’t have minded if he did. John has seen me weep often when talking about, or with, people I care for. My daughter knew I was going to be emotional. We went down to our seats and had a first-row view of John.

The stadium announcer gave a warm introduction of John and his family and he eagerly drove his wheelchair up to the top of the pitcher’s mound with two of his three sons. His third son took his place as catcher. The crowd was on their feet cheering with all they had. John stood, bent over to get his sign, shook it off, stood mightily, and threw the pitch. It made its way to home plate and was spot on. The cheers were resounding even louder for him after the pitch !!

He made his way off the field and the first thing he did was hug his wife Ann. He waved to the friends and family who came to see him succeed. The whole scenario couldn’t have been more perfect.

We stayed for the game and the Reds lost to the dreaded Cubs, but that didn’t seem to matter. Being there for my friend did.

John doesn’t know how many more days he’ll have of good health or even life. Honestly, neither do we. We do, however, have the ability to choose how we will face this life for the time we have it. I want to choose life as John has. In the midst of all he’s facing, he is upfront with his faith, present for his family, shares gratitude for every experience he has, and looks for the best in everyone. It’s not a show or an act. It’s who he is.

As I said at the beginning of this piece, today was life-affirming because of the time I had to talk with my dear friend before his adventure. It was also life-changing because it gave me perspective on how life can be full, rich, meaningful, and unapologetically filled with love and joy.

May that be true for anyone who reads this. Embrace life. Embrace each other. Weep at times. Laugh always. Each day has meaning. Make that happen on purpose and take the mound !!