Just Flourish !!

Unless you’re a self-avowed hermit, you’re surrounded by people. It’s inevitable that there are humans around you the majority of your day. Since that is the environment you find yourself in, you have a choice to embrace it or avoid it. This isn’t due to where you fall on the extroversion/introversion scale. You will choose how much human interaction works for you – and you should. We all have a limit. If we cross that, we tend to get frustrated, flustered and annoyed.

Being with people is more than just swimming among others as you pass through the hallways to their office/cubicle to have work related conversations. That type of interaction is necessary in order for good work to be accomplished. I would almost categorize those instances as “forced.” I don’t mean that you are reluctant to have conversations. It’s more like you have work conversations in order to get the next facet of your work at hand to move forward. They can be friendly, cantankerous or obligatory. They happen whether you “wanted” to have them or not.

The difficulty I see that happens all around me is that these pass by conversations make up the vast majority of communication today. It’s not only at work either. When people are using social media, you get quick snippets of partial thoughts. Or, you may get a picture in time of a great event or accomplishment. People taking time at home to truly interact without distraction is becoming an extinct approach. Again, I’m not making a right/wrong judgement here. It’s our reality and we need to acknowledge it. However, it doesn’t have to define us !!

Taking time to develop relationships has become a lost art. Unfortunately, the word “relationship” has been tarnished because of the unacceptable actions of some. That doesn’t have to be the case. Investing your time with others is incredibly valuable, and also necessary !!

We are never fulfilled when we only have pass-by conversations. We feel that something is missing because we can’t keep current with the pace. We don’t push through it enough because we’re concerned that the other person won’t reciprocate. I haven’t found that to be the case. In fact, I think people flourish when you give them your intentional time and attention.

I’d like to propose a different approach for you personally and especially if you’re in HR. Choose to have relationships that flourish !!

I think there are different gradients in this and you need to read the other person to see when they feel that things are full. Respect that. I mean it. Flourishing relationships have balance, mutual levels of input and especially authenticity. You can’t “fake it to  you make it” and have a meaningful friendship.

I’ve mentioned this in the past, but I use my commute differently than most. I’m in the car about an hour each way to and from work. Every night I call people and have long conversations. We talk about work, HR, life, etc. There are inevitable times of laughter as well as times of deep philosophy. We may argue various styles of music and ask for each other’s support in the situations we are each facing in life.

The point is this. I want to pour into their lives so that they will pour into the lives of others !! I know that every moment I can invest in the lives of others that they will invest in others as well. When this happens, then lives improve. When lives improve, relationships improve. And, when relationships improve that grows into other relationships to improve the workplace. This isn’t Utopian. It works.

So, this week in the midst of the pass-by snippets of conversation that will still fly around you, invest in someone. Start with a close friend. Make that relationship flourish and then build from there. You’ll be glad you did !!

A or B ??

Do you remember taking multiple choice quizzes and exams? I always enjoyed them more than essay questions because you could at least make a choice. Every so often though you’d have a quiz where the answer could be “a”, “b”, “c”, “a and b”, etc. That was difficult because you had to put more thought into your response versus rushing through the exam with your No. 2 pencil to just get done.

We like clarity in the workplace. We’d prefer to have things fall into a multiple choice format so that tasks and relationships would fall into place smoothly. This may work well with things and tasks, but it rarely is that clear when it comes to working with people. This is because people are so diverse in every way.

I heard some sage advice recently from my pastor who was talking about relationships. He stated that when it comes to interactions between people we can either choose “a” or “b” broken down like this . . .

A = Assume the worst and B = Believe the best

A or BIt floored me !! This is so true in our workplaces and especially in Human Resources. Far too often I think the majority of people choose to assume the worst in others. Even before any words are shared, we make assumptions about how the conversation is sure to progress. We get bogged down and think that every time we meet with someone it’s going to result in more work for us. The power of this negative approach is extremely hard to ignore. It’s also challenging because we “just know” that the person we’re interacting with is assuming the worst as well.

I’m a choice “b” person !! I honestly go into situations believing the best will happen. It’s something that was modeled by my parents and it always seemed to work and also felt natural. It’s odd that even as I type this I sense people reading this and being skeptical or cynical. Believing the best of others doesn’t mean being naive or Utopian. Let’s be honest about something – I know that people will disappoint me because I’ve disappointed others !! Choosing to believe the best does not mean to overlook situations or treat them at a surface level.

I just don’t think something bad is going to happen when I meet other people. In fact, if someone does disappoint and/or hurt me, I will still believe the best will happen the next time I meet with them. I have come across some people who want to intentionally try to not let me believe the best in them, but I try because I think they deserve it.

If you choose to believe the best, I promise you that HR will be great for you every single day. It doesn’t have to be a battle for you to choose “b” and not “a.” I think it’s key to surround yourself with others who believe the best. There may not be as many of us around, but there are quite a few. Connect with them and see how much this group will encourage you to keep believing.

So, here’s the test for you as you enter the workweek – “A” or “B” – what will your choice be ??

Being there !!

One of the coolest outcomes of being involved in social media is meeting the folks behind their avatars.  The vast majority of folks I’ve met rock and the “connection” we had on-line has turned into friendships that have relevance and meaning.

Paul HebertToday we are celebrating one of my dearest friendships that came from the various forums, and that is with Paul Hebert.  Last year a tradition of #TimSackettDay was started for the inimitable Tim Sackett. To have it be #PaulHebertDay this year is just as cool !!

Paul reached out one day when I mentioned that the HR Roundtable that I facilitate in Cincinnati was going to be on Incentives and Recognition.  For those of you who don’t yet know Paul – he is THE go to resource in this area in the country !!  (Not an embellishment.  It’s a fact !!)  He wanted to Skype in or call in to be part of the discussion.  I said that I hadn’t had that type of request before because it’s better as a live forum.  He asked when it was happening.  I told him and he said, ” I’ll be there !! ”

Now, the commute from Greenville, South Carolina to Cincinnati, Ohio takes a bit of time – say 6 1/2 hours or so.  He gets the prize for longest distance traveled to be at a Roundtable to date !!  When he popped out of the car, I ran to hug him because that’s what I do when I see a friend.  He was a bit taken aback for a sec, but he knew it was what brothers do.

First time we met in person.  First, now of many !!  We saw each other at HRevolution in Atlanta, SHRM National 2012, Ohio SHRM (where he rocked it as a speaker) and most recently at GCHRA in Cincinnati.  We always make time to catch up, share ideas and most importantly challenge each other !!

You see, I dig Paul because he’s very intentional about life – as am I.   I think that’s one of the key elements that ties us together.  Most people shy away from folks who are fully intentional, but not Paul.  He is always willing to mold thoughts, give various perspectives and hone our conversations.  I don’t get mad about this.  I CHERISH IT !!

He’s facing a serious health issue right now, and true to nature, he put up a blog to share about his experience and I love it.  In spite of the blog, I call him because talking to him is more intentional and that is what we’ve come to expect from each other.

He’s pulling through this challenge and then he’s launching into his new business relationship with Symbolist. I’m geeked for him and for the great work that is going to come from this partnership !!

When Paul wrote about coming to Cincy for the HR Roundtable, he used the Proclaimers fab one-hit wonder – I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles).  In the lyrics they state how the person would be there for his friend no matter what.  That’s what #PaulHebertDay is to me.

I will be there for him no matter what !!

Make sure you get to know Paul.  You’re life will be more intentional and only brighter because of it !!