Take It In !!

This past week I celebrated another trip around the sun and became another year older. I find that I now look at each new year as a time to reflect. This is something newer for me and something I wish I would do more. For instance, I have now been alive 30 years longer than my biological father was. That is staggering to me !! I’m fortunate that I am still walking this planet, but sometimes wonder what life would have looked like had he lived as well. I’m sure it would have been completely different and I wouldn’t be writing a weekly blog, just as one example.

My kids and wife are an amazing and significant component in my life. Now that I’m older, I tend not to get any “things” as birthday gifts. I’m grateful that I get time with them far more than any material object. Debbie, my incredible wife, did get me something that will have incredible value – a set of experiences. She got me some tickets to Xavier University basketball games – my fave college basketball team – and some tickets to see part of the “Whose Line is is Anyway?” cast perform an improv comedy show. I can’t wait to go to these events. She made the gift even more meaningful by saying that I can take others with me to some of the games because she knows I’m a massive extrovert.

The reflection that has hit hard this year is this – You need to enjoy the experiences in your life !! Every. Day.

You need to be honest about this. You rarely take in what’s going on around you. We’ve been programmed to stay focused on whatever task is laid out in front of us. This isn’t only related to work. It is how we approach every aspect of our lives. We miss the majority of any event or encounter, and that’s a shame.

Don’t believe me? Tomorrow when you go to work watch how others interact with each other. Greetings are cursory and polite as everyone rushes to what they want to get to. No one seems to notice or care. Conversations are curt, concise and matter of fact. You will hear most people share some personal stories, but to say that both parties are “present” during the interaction would be startling. We feel the invisible push to move on. The vast majority of our daily experiences are more like a series of pass-by movements. There are short pauses in the rush of pass-bys, but they are limited on purpose.

I consider myself someone who consciously makes time to focus on others, and I have to constantly remind myself to be present in conversations. I have to fight the urge to follow distractions which are always tugging at me. I feel this is true with most people. I don’t think that this has to be the case. I know that we have time to be present when we interact with others throughout each experience we have.

Now that Debbie and I are empty nesters, we are doing more activities as a couple. We’re relearning what it’s like to spend time together just as a pair. We aren’t committed to running to this event or another for either of our kids who are now grown. So, we go out to dinner or make dinner together after a full day of work. We’ll go to the gym and also go to a movie in a theater (we’re old school like that.) Whatever we’re doing, I’ve decided that I am going to be present and take in every second we’re together. I don’t want to miss something because I’m yearning to get to the “next thing.”

I want to be like the two young kids I saw at the grocery store this weekend. They had pulled two of the bags you use to put produce in and were throwing them into the air. The bags would puff out and float slowly back and forth toward the floor. The kids would squeal, catch their bag and throw it back into the air. They were exuberant and present in the moment while their mother was trying to get her shopping done. Instead of chiding the kids, she laughed along with them and commented how beautiful the new “toy” they had created was.

The new year is still young. You can change your approach to how you embrace every day, and in turn, every person you meet. Slow down and take it in. Everything. Every. Single. Thing. You’ll be astonished how much more you’ll enjoy life !!

A New Decade !!

I’m sure that I will be one of many posts about what to look forward to in 2020 and beyond. I’m good with that. I strive to be a person who looks ahead. I value the past and the experiences I’ve had so far over my lifetime, and hope that I’ve learned from both the failures and successes.

It’s odd that we’re now going to be 20 years into the 21st century because I can remember sitting at a friend’s house in 1999 when all of us were sure that everything connected to computers was going to fail as the clock passed midnight because of Y2K. My friend played a hilarious prank at the time as all of us were watching Dick Clark count down from 10 to 1 as the ball descended in New York’s Time Square. Exactly at midnight, he turned off the power to the entire house. We all screamed and thought that Y2K had happened. He waited about 30 seconds and turned everything back on. It was fantastic !!

Going into this new decade we don’t have the fears of all technology failing, but we do have challenges all around us. These include personal and professional areas for everyone. I don’t want to be presumptuous and note any certain factors because I’m sure they’re unique for each person. Also, I don’t look at challenges as obstacles per se. They just “are,” and I hope to be adaptable enough to work in and through whatever lies ahead.

I have to say that I continue to remain geeked about HR and life in general !! Sure, there are areas where the industry can improve, but that makes it all the more enticing to me. I’ve never seen an advantage to tearing things down thinking that if I’m negative enough, then things will turn around. I believe in looking things over, being critical when needed and look for opportunities to move things forward. In the end though, I will be positive first and foremost.

With that being said, I’m looking forward to making more HR peers connected to others. I feel that I’ve been making headway over the past decade in seeing more and more people reach out to do this. It’s astonishing to me that people continue to choose to practice HR on an island. It costs you nothing to connect with a peer other than your time. Trust me. It’s worth the investment. If you are in HR, I would welcome the chance to connect, get to know you and help you find others who could be a resource for you. This isn’t about hitting some invisible goal or number of likes, followers or friends. To me this is about improving the profession by bringing people together.

Here’s my journal with my new llama mug because you just need llamas around if you practice HR !!

Now, I’ve never been a person to make resolutions because I fail at them within days just like most who make them. I do have a new “tool” though that I feel will keep me on track for 2020 and for several years past that. My good friend, Bruce Waller, came up with a journal called Milemarkers that allows you to keep a daily journal for five consecutive years. It’s a simple yet brilliant concept. Every page lists a day and then there are five lines that say “20__” with another set of lines for you to capture a thought for that day.

I plan to start my five-year trek on 1/1/20. I’ve struggled with journals almost as much as I have in keeping resolutions. I’m going to do my best to make this stick as a record of what happens over this time. I’m sure there will be all sorts of ups and downs because that’s what happens in life. That isn’t discouraging in the least. It’s encouraging.

I hope that you’re looking ahead as well. I will be reaching out to ask the folks in my HR community how they’re doing and offer to help where I can. Here’s to 2020 !! Here’s to a decade where people lift each other up and strive to bring people together.

What Do You Think ??

This past week I renewed the domain name for my blog. To me it’s a milestone because in January I’ll be starting my 9th year of blogging. The site was actually a Christmas gift from my sister-in-law !! I remember when I opened the small envelope she had given me. I read the message on the paper inside and wept. I was touched by her gift.

I asked her why she decided to establish a blog site for me. She replied, “I think people want to hear what you have to say.”

I was floored by that. Why in the world would others willingly read my thoughts and ideas? It seemed to be a pretty big leap to share on a regular basis with the hope that you’d develop an audience. She reminded me that this was already occurring because of the presentations I had been giving at conferences.

I am still so grateful that she had a vision for something that I have truly enjoyed. I look forward to sitting down every Sunday to jot down ideas, thoughts, encouragement and a message to let others know they have value in who they are and what they do. In fact, my wife asks me every Sunday, “Did you write your blog yet?” It’s become part of the fabric of my life.

I wanted to give you this background to ask you some questions . . .

What do you think? Really. How do you learn from others? Do you take time to do this, or are you comfortable with what you already know?

You see I love to learn from others !! I regularly read several blogs daily. I also make sure to listen to various podcasts as I make my commute to and from work. I also travel to several pizzerias as part of my job so I have time to listen to the thoughts of others.

I don’t want to sit still and stay put mentally. There are far too many people who have fascinating ideas and concepts to share. When I get a chance to read the perspectives of others, I try to take away key nuggets even if I disagree with their approach. It’s important to see the world from all angles. I don’t want to ever want to be in a position where I’m not well versed in different aspects of life, thought and views on HR and the workplace. You can never know enough. I think it’s critical for us to continue to take in information so that we remain current, informed and relevant.

I do have one value that I stick to when participating in the forum of blogging or sharing on podcasts where I’m asked to be a guest. I will use the gateway I’ve been given to be positive. Please don’t ever misconstrue this as not willing to be intentional or take on issues. I just feel that it’s far too easy to be negative and tear others down. Being positive is something that I hope to continue because I’d rather see light pierce the darkness and give others a viable alternative to what they may hear/see on social media.

If you’re not regularly learning from others, I’d encourage you to give yourself a “gift” this holiday season. Find blogs, podcasts and speakers who you can learn from. Start making this a habit so that continuous learning isn’t some aspirational wish, it’s how you choose to improve yourself and the others around you.

See the Lights !!

This time of year can lead to a variety of emotions. For some, the holidays are difficult while others are ecstatic. It runs the gamut and it’s hard to know how people are facing the season. It would be best if we had the courage to have safe conversations with each other. We tend to steer clear of anything that could lead to vulnerability or sensitive issues. We’re afraid we won’t know how to “properly” respond if someone gives an answer for which we’re not prepared. So, instead of interacting we avoid. That saddens me. It truly does. We’re at a time in society where more interaction would be more beneficial versus avoiding each other.

I’m a person who goes through periods of joy and also times of stress. The stress in unrealistic and brought on by the thoughts in my mind. Like most people, they tend to wander and make up scenarios with absolutely no context. I do love the music, the chance to decorate our house and to exchange gifts with my wife and kids. I don’t even mind going out among the crowds who seemingly come out of the air and fill shopping centers. The stress comes because of time and how we try to cram a year’s worth of activities into a very small window.

Thankfully, my wife introduced a tradition from her childhood that keeps me balanced. She used to get in the car with her family and they would drive around neighborhoods to see the lights. The displays weren’t the houses of friends and families per se. They were random people who had decided to have outdoor displays to capture the feel of the holidays.

When we were first married (before kids), Debbie and I kept up with this tradition and we loved it. After our kids were born, we continued driving around to see what people had put up. Now that they’ve “left the nest”, we’ll have our first season to go and see the various lighting displays as a couple once again. I’m geeked to get a thermos filled with hot chocolate to enjoy as we cruise through the night to see how creative people are.

There are several reasons why I enjoy seeing the lights each holiday season.

Time together – I am fortunate to have a phenomenal wife and kids (adults). I don’t take that for granted in the least. I know that family dynamics may not always be the best for people. But, when you take time to do things together, you have a better chance to have positive experiences which lead to positive memories.

Reduced stress – It’s easy to get caught up in the pace of life and its various pushes and pulls of the holidays. It’s an even stronger level of stress than you experience the rest of the year. However, when you’re slowly driving through a neighborhood looking at lights, the pressure you may be feeling melts away. That release is so valuable and it helps you get things back in some semblance of order and sanity.

Seeing the light – The most stunning part of seeing the displays all around us is that the light pierces the darkness. The tiny bulbs emanate all of their energy to brighten the shadows. The colors are clear, distinct and welcoming. They bring a smile to your face every time and show how powerful light truly is.

Think what your days would be like if you enjoyed the time together with those around you. How would they feel if you stopped, paused and took a breath in the midst of the daily pace of work/life and realized you didn’t need to be that stressed. And, how would your day be if you saw the light in others instead of darkness?

You have the opportunity to keep in mind the serenity of seeing the lights as you approach your day. This next week do two things – (1) See the positive side of others and be the light in their day that breaks through any potential negativity and (2) Go out yourself at night and drive around.

Take the time to go and see the lights !! You’ll be glad you did and it may become a tradition for you as well.

By Name

I’m a child of the late 60’s and early 70’s. During my early childhood, I was raised by my grandparents because my mom was working after the untimely, early death of my father. Growing up on a farm in Luckey, Ohio was wonderful !! My brother and I had countless adventures that were mostly outdoors. You used your imagination to make your surroundings come to life. We watched very little television because our grandmother wanted us out from under her feet. When we did watch on their tiny black and white set, we watched PBS. Yes, PBS. Grandma made sure we watched the Public Broadcasting System because it was filled with educational programming. One of our favorite shows was Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.

We loved visiting his neighborhood with the various characters in the Land of Make Believe. You learned something every time you watched. We never thought the show was simple, easy-going or even “cheesy.” The messages he gave rang true, and he always seemed so interested in you as a person.

Fast forward to 2019. My wife and I just went to see the new Tom Hanks movie where he plays Mr. Rogers in A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood. It is magnificent !! Granted, I already had fond memories of Mr. Rogers, but this movie made some facets of his life more visible and poignant. I highly recommend you go see the movie to get the entire feel and impact of the message so I don’t want to reveal too many components.

The one characteristic that resonated deeply with me was that Mr. Rogers made sure to know everyone he met by name. He didn’t overlook anyone he encountered either on the set of his television program, or if he met you in person. People mattered to him. One scene, shown in the preview, shows the main character’s wife, Andrea, squeal when Hanks calls their home and introduces himself to her. She is trying to pass the phone to her husband, but Mr. Rogers stops her to take time to intentionally talk to her. She says, “Mr. Rogers knows my name !!” It obviously moved her.

They note that Rogers, a man who had a strong personal faith, prayed for the people in his life by name. Every. Day. This wasn’t some parlor trick that showed he had a great memory. He valued being connected to people and wanted to know them personally.

I am a person who shares the same conviction of Mr. Rogers. I think it’s critical to meet, know and interact with people by name. Whenever you meet someone for the first time, you have to make the time to get to know (and remember) their name. Our names are the most significant identifying trait of who we are as humans. When you share your name with someone and they share theirs with you, you are connected immediately.

We were given names on purpose when we were born. Even though people may share the same first name, it doesn’t diminish the reality that they are unique. No one “Steve” is the same as another. The reason it’s important to know someone’s name is that when you interact, it’s more intimate and meaningful. You will remove the distractions of the day which constantly vie for our attention because you have called someone out by name. You’re locked together and those conversations will be more rich and meaningful than just trying to catch someone on the fly.

As HR professionals, this should be a skill that matters to you. I know that it can be difficult to remember names, but that’s an excuse. We all need to take the time to learn and recall the names of the people who are in our daily lives. If you need to make lists, then do it. If you need to make associations that spark your memory to remember a person’s name, then keep track of those attributes. Be intentional about this. We can’t fool ourselves to think that our companies are people-centric if everyone remains nameless.

Once you know someone by name, you can get to know them as a person. Having knowledge of who they are is far more important and lasting than anything they do. I mean it. They, in turn, can get to know you more as a person as well. I see it every day. People want to connect and be known for who they are.

This week start interacting with people by name on purpose. It will make a huge difference for you personally and professionally. Be like Mr. Rogers and make it matter. It will make our various neighborhoods the great environments they were meant to be !!

Affiliate !!

I just returned from the SHRM Volunteer Leader Business Meeting in Washington, D.C. This is the year-end “thank you” for volunteer leaders from around the country. I’ve been going to this conference for many years, and it’s honestly my favorite one !! The reason it’s my favorite is that I get to be around my peers – HR professionals who also happen to volunteer their time and talent to the profession.

Years ago when I was the State Director of Ohio SHRM, I broke the norm that happened at this gathering. Typically, when people go to conferences and events, they hang out with the people they know. I get that. It’s comfortable, and it’s also a time to catch up and get to know each other better because most SHRM State Councils and chapters meet here and there. It’s nice to get away to build your team so you can be effective when you return to your part of the country.

It seemed odd to me that people who shared the same profession as well as the same connection as volunteers rarely reached out to meet people from other geographic areas. We had several opportunities to do this in sessions, but even there people sit in their cloistered groups. I wanted to see this change, so I invited people from all over the country to a local Irish pub after hours to get to socialize, network and continue “conferencing.” It stuck. I got to know peers from almost every state. That breaking with the norm set a new path, and now people go out of their way to connect and see each other on purpose.

Back to this year’s event . . .

After countless warm greetings and hellos with many people right as I entered the conference hotel, I saw my friends from New Mexico SHRM. They were more geeked than usual (which is a pretty high bar). The reason for their excitement is that their State Council won a Pinnacle Award – the highest recognition a group can win for efforts above and beyond their normal work. They were all wearing a new lapel pin that was the shape of the State of New Mexico. I loved it and was jealous because I dig getting all types of local pins and buttons from SHRM chapters. I congratulated them and we went our separate ways.

My new pin just fits my collection !!

When all of the attendees gathered, all of the volunteer leaders from New Mexico were sitting in one row with their lapel pins, blinky rings and small New Mexico flags. James, their incoming State Director-Elect, beckoned me over and handed me a pin. “You’re one of us. You always have been.” I was moved and instantly added it to my lapel.

It was so humbling to hear James say this, and he mentioned how I had reached out years before I knew him to get folks from New Mexico SHRM connected with others from outside their region. He thought it was great to make sure that I was affiliated with him and the folks from his State. Now I had a visual symbol that tied us together.

How simple was this act? He reached out and gave me a token to make sure to let me know that we were connected. It made me wonder why we don’t do this more as peers. What would HR look like if we were more intentionally connected as a profession? I think it would mean that human resources and, in turn, our organizations would be better.

People want to connect. People want to affiliate. The heart of all that SHRM has to offer is it’s members. It always has been and it always will be. We need to recognize that and make the move to break down the invisible, geographic barriers and come together as HR professionals.

When we’re connected, we become resources for each other both personally and professionally. There’s no good reason to keep in our own geographic areas. This week, be like James and reach out to ask others to affiliate. Let your peers know that they belong. They always have.

Take the Stage !!

This past weekend my wife and I took a trip to visit my brother and sister-in-law in Knoxville, Tennessee. It’s always great to get together because we’ve always been very close siblings. Unfortunately we don’t live as close to each other as we’d both like, but that just means that when we do get together it’s even more meaningful. After the normal “catching up” about our gaggle of adult children, we settled in to just visit and talk.

One of the wonderful things about my family is that we’re very easy going. We don’t feel the need for a ton of structure which allows us the flexibility to be more adventurous. We had never really explored downtown Knoxville together, so the four of us decided we’d try to fill our Saturday visiting some very local attractions. We kicked off the morning meandering through the East Tennessee Historical Society, and it was magnificent !! The displays were thorough and interesting. Each artifact revealed a point in time with such flavor and color. We were near the end of the exhibits when my brother hustled us along because he had a surprise planned.

I was a bit bummed that we rushed out, but our next stop was well worth it. We walked down a few blocks to the Knoxville, Tennessee Visitor’s Center. I wasn’t sure why this would be better than where we had just been. However, my brother was right. It was incredible. In front of us were two sections of folding chairs with five rows in each. Ahead of the chairs stood a stage and a microphone on a stand. You see, the Visitor’s Center is also the home of the public radio station WDVX. It’s also the home of the “Blue Plate Special” radio show which offers a “heapin’ helpin’ of live music.”

My new magnet and reminder to unlock the talent in my organization !!

As I’ve mentioned several times in the past, I’m a music freak !! I enjoy most forms and genres of music – especially if it’s live. On the stage was a young musician named Jared Hard. He was singing his original music which was being simultaneously broadcast on WDVX. He has an engaging approach along with fantastic skills as a storyteller. The Blue Plate Special show only airs original music from local and regional artists. So, some of the people who appear are there for the first time to share their talent and get more people to recognize them. This was the case for Jared and I was geeked that I was able to hear his music and appreciate his talent. I will make sure to keep an eye on him and pick up his new album.

After listening, it made me think of how this applied to HR. I loved that this public radio station set the example of taking a chance on talent. Is this something that we do in our companies? Do we give people the stage or just expect them to show up in their cubicle or work space? Have we tapped into all that someone has to offer, or do we expect them to fit neatly into some typed job description?

Unfortunately, I think far more time is spent confining people to pre-defined roles than allowing them to show what they can do. We still follow the outdated model of someone earning their stripes over some imaginary gauntlet that we say “everyone” had to go through. Why do we continue this practice when we complained about it happening when we began a new job?

We are overdue in eliminating this approach. I feel we should learn from this local hidden gem and set up the “stage” for our employees to come forward and show what they can do. You are sure to find some true artists who’ve been yearning for their chance. You have nothing to lose in trying this. The more you learn about what people can do, the better they can contribute across your enterprise.

We have to understand that “talent” isn’t only about hiring the best possible people. It’s allowing them to flourish and share all they can do. Unlock the hidden talent in your company. Let people take the stage !!

Eye Contact

I love going to the grocery store !! I mean it. I love going every time. I meander up and down every aisle even though I have a list and don’t need something from every aisle. I enjoy searching for those hard to find items that you need to make sure your recipe is complete. The mix of people walking to and fro doesn’t phase me at all. In fact, I love seeing them !!

Almost every time I visit the grocery store, I get pulled aside by someone who is a stranger and they ask me to get an item for them from a top shelf because I’m taller than most. I love when this happens !! It fills my bucket to grab that hard to reach yogurt or box of cereal to helps someone out.

One thing that I notice when I walk through the store is the lack of eye contact. Even though the store is usually teeming with people, very few people connect visually. It’s astonishing to me.

Here’s my quick, obligatory HR disclaimer . . .

I know that I’m an extreme extrovert. Whenever I’ve taken assessment that measure extroversion, I’m at the top of the scale every time. I keep that in mind when I write about interactions with others. However, I still have observations that I feel can apply to one and all.

Now, back to the post !!

The reason I bring this up is that it seems that people are far more focused on getting to the task at hand while casually passing by every other person as if they don’t exist. I know that’s a broad generalization but it’s my observation. I also understand that everyone shopping may have a zillion things going on in their lives and they are trying to utilize their time well.

I don’t expect everyone to stop and have meaningful conversations, but people don’t even greet one another. When I do get someone to make eye contact, there’s usually a casual “Hello” and a smile. Simple. Honestly, all that’s needed. Intentional human interaction and connection.

The grocery store is just one environment where people spend more time passing each other as if no one else is in the room. I see this happen almost everywhere. When did we become so self-focused? How does this affect others? What would happen if people did slow down, make eye contact and greet each other?

As an HR practitioner, my hope is that others in this field are ones willing to be intentional. Ironically, some of the greatest times I see people avoid each other is at HR conferences !! The people who are genuinely in the “people” business, should be the last ones to avoid contact and connection.

Again, I know this is a generalization, and I respect that people have different comfort levels of meeting and connecting with others. However, I’m willing to challenge this “norm” and ask everyone to press through and start making eye contact – especially our HR peers. Instead of having assumptions that people will ask too much of you, or that something will be negative in nature, look forward to making contact.

I have been a person who tries to establish eye contact with everyone I pass by. My intent is to just be a friendly face, a welcoming smile and an acknowledgement that they exist. You’d be surprised how many wonderful conversations have occurred after such a simple action. Also, the vast majority of my closest friends started with this introductory movement.

I’m not naive and know that you could have a negative, or challenging, interaction if you make eye contact with some people. However, I think those examples are the exception. Also, if does go south, you could be the one positive encounter that was needed for someone. The fundamental approach I take is that making eye contact will result in a positive interchange. It may not go past this effortless action, and I’m good with that.

This coming week (and at future conferences), be intentional and look at others eye-to-eye. Smile. Say “Hello.” That’s it. You never know. That easy action may be the difference to make someone’s day brighter, and that’s worth everything !!

Plant Some Bulbs !!

I have lived in Ohio for the majority of my life. I love the Midwest because I get to experience all four seasons in a year. My favorite season is happening even as I type. I love Fall because the temperature drops and it’s chilly and brisk most days. It’s also when trees shed the green they’ve been exhibiting through the Spring and Summer to show they’re true beautiful colors. Everywhere you look you see a mix of yellows, reds and oranges. It’s stunning !!

Another facet that happens during autumn is that I get a chance to be out in the yard on a regular basis. I have days and days of work to gather the leaves because we have very mature trees on our lot. I also get to work in the flower beds that encompass the perimeter of our house to clear out the dead plants and get things ready for next year. One task that I enjoy the most is planting bulbs. The look like tiny onions that will someday turn into various beautiful blooms.

Planting bulbs reminds me of the opportunity we have in connecting with and working with others. It may sound odd, but I truly feel there are similarities.

When I planting several tulip bulbs today, I had to turn over the soil and then get down on my knees to break it up and pull it back to reveal the hole I was going to use. It was challenging because there were countless roots that criss-crossed just below the surface. They made an incredibly tangled mess that were barriers to me getting to the work at hand.

Digging in the soil with a small garden trowel and my bare hands felt great, but the dirt was driven under my nails and cuticles. After a few moments my hands were caked in dirt. I loved it !! Even though this was very trying, I was making progress. After several minutes, I was able to place the bulbs in the hole (pointy side up). I spaced them out so they each had enough room to take root and grow. I took the loose soil that was sitting on the edge of the hole I dug and gently covered the bulbs. The last step was to give them a good soaking from the hose to make sure they received that first dose of nourishment.

Then, you wait. You wait for months. Yes, months. You hope for great results, but you really won’t know until Spring comes.

I believe the same process occurs when you take the time to intentionally pour into someone else’s life professionally. Before you can “plant” anything, you need to work the soil by getting to know each other. This is so often overlooked because we either want to be a mentor or have someone mentor us. Sometimes the soil between two people isn’t good. You need to make sure that you have a healthy, respectful, inclusive and balanced professional relationship. When you develop someone, you aren’t there to “fix” them. Mentoring and development are both two-way activities. When someone tries to make it all about them, development never occurs. Never.

After you have good soil, the mentor needs to untangle and remove the roots that get in the way of getting the bulbs arranged. There are always potential obstacles in any development effort. It’s hard to tell if there will be several or few, but there will be things to work through. This allows you both to share expectations of each other. Get everything defined up front. It’s necessary.

You start your mentoring road together and then you add nutrients and time. There are many who try to make this a formal process, but I’ve never found that to be effective or sustainable. Mentoring and development needs to be flexible because life happens at the same time that you’re trying to spend time together. There will be periods where you meet/chat often and other times where you may touch base every so often. No one pattern works for everyone. Don’t believe the people who offer firm timelines and formulas. That eliminates the reality of people being unique and having different needs. Don’t diminish that. It makes mentoring and development wonderful !!

Then, you see if something blooms over time. Hopefully, it will if you take the time to see what works for you and your mentee or mentor.

You see, EVERYONE wants someone to pour into them with their time, attention and knowledge. Everyone. The question is – Are you doing this? Do you have someone you mentor, or is someone mentoring you? If not, why not?

We weren’t made to do life on our own. We were wired to connect and be in the lives of others. It helps us stay healthy, active and relevant. Please make sure to use one “rule” when it comes to these type of relationships – You can’t be a mentor unless you have a mentor. I’ve mentioned this in the past, but I feel it’s essential to keep you balanced.

This coming week, start planting some bulbs so that you enjoy Fall. It will be cool to see what happens this coming Spring !!

Making the Sale !!

This past week has been one of transitions. My wife and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary, and our oldest child was getting ready to leave home. We’re excited that Melanie is moving and continuing her career as an Occupational Therapist in Indianapolis, Indiana. A few weeks earlier, our son Josh, moved from Ohio to California, so our adventure as empty nesters is on the near horizon.

To get ready for Melanie’s move, we took a trek up to Indy to shop for furniture for her new apartment. She’s been working for a year and wanted to get her own things. We agreed and thought it would be fun to help her out. She was going to be purchasing everything, but she wanted us to check things out and share our opinion. My wife and I are grateful that we have solid relationships with both of our kids. They touch base every so often which is just enough. We don’t have any intention of being helicopter parents. We want to see our kids stand on their own and thrive !!

Back to the shopping excursion . . .

I don’t know about you, but I dread shopping for furniture. I love meandering through the stores and sitting on various sofas and chairs. I also love seeing the different styles, colors and shapes of things that can accent a house. The reason I dread furniture shopping is the immediate accosting that happens when you step two feet into a store by an over eager salesperson.

Now, I understand this is their occupation and respect that. I appreciate that they have knowledge of pricing, financing, dimensions and availability. What I can’t stand, from the majority of them, is their approach. They know why you’re visiting the store, and yet you still get asked, “Are you here to find some furniture?” We both know we are, but they use this mundane and obvious greeting for one reason which is to set their hooks in you. This ties them to you and gives them a chance at commission while also fending off the other salespeople also lurking at the front door.

The first store we visited caught me off guard. We visited Value City Furniture, and the salespeople greeted us and said to contact them if we needed them. Then we roamed freely for an hour !! It was bliss. It also allowed my daughter to take her time and see what she did/didn’t like. Roger, who met us at first, came up to us after an hour and then assisted us in purchasing a sofa and a love seat. He gave us all of the details and was outstanding. He also worked directly with my daughter since she was the purchaser.

The second store was an even better experience !! We went to Bob’s Discount Furniture and met Chauncey. He lit up the showroom and was warm, welcoming and hilarious. He worked directly with our daughter while also checking in with us to make sure she found what she needed. He had one liner jokes that put us at ease even though they were outlandish and cheesy. He chose to be intentional and engaging while also allowing us the time we needed. Melanie ended up getting a bedroom set from him.

The third store we saw brought back my anxiety, dread and past experience. We were ambushed at the door and the young man said he wouldn’t stalk us, but gave us a coupon that we could show other salespeople slowly circling for their next kill to keep them at bay. He said he’d be back in 10 to 15 minutes which really meant three. Oh, and he only addressed me as the man/father of our group. He never talked to my daughter because she obviously wouldn’t be the one paying. We walked out.

The key to all of this is relationship building. Every salesperson I know states they believe in doing this, but few practice it. I wish that people would take the cues from Roger and Chauncey !! Each of them were willing to stay in touch and allow us to have a good experience. The time they allowed for latitude ended up securing a sale for each of them. Neither had the same style, but they understood the value of meeting us where we were.

In HR we don’t think we “sell”, but that just isn’t true. Every day we are selling to make sure people have a great experience in their roles. Too often we buy the myth that we are pressed for time and that we just don’t have enough time in our day to invest in others. That, my friends, is sad.

The poor reputation that haunts our profession can be tied almost exclusively to our approach towards others. If we’d see the value of making the time to build relationships, our “sales” record would drastically improve !!

This week make time for those you work with and teach others the value of this practice. Make it your norm like Roger and Chauncey do. Trust me, you’ll start seeing the value in others, and your experience as an HR pro will get better on purpose.